Don’t judge me unless you have walked in my shoes

I have recently come across an interview with the psychologist on the subject of maternity, which made me think about many things.

The article was talking about ‘cry out’ method (controlled crying method) and its negative impact on childhood psychological development. One particular sentence was of great interest to me. ‘Only a heartless parent can let a child cry out’, stated there in black and white. If I do not take into account the fact that some psychologists support or recommend this method, I was astonished by the boldness of this statement.

I see a similar attitude in many other things. It’s as though people forget sometimes that there are two sides to everything. Let’s take breastfeeding. ‘The right mother breastfeeds her baby’, ‘Do everything for you to breastfeed’, ‘Do not give up, your baby needs breastfeeding the most’ and so on. From each direction, we are cluttered by the phenomenon of breastfeeding and its magical effect on our child’s life. Every new mother, therefore, feels she has to breastfeed and if she does not, she is not a good mother.

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Christmas holidays with children

We have passed the second Christmas and New Year’s Eve with our boys!

The first Christmas holidays with them I was looking forward to it as a little girl. The first Christmas dinner together, children’s Christmas clothes, unpacking gifts… With Yaw we agreed that boys had to get something that makes a sound. At that time, we did not really care what kind of sound that would be, however, in these things it is better to be picky. As a parent, you have to count on hearing this sound for the next few weeks and hours in a day. 😉

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Quick help in hard times

We all have days when we’ve just had enough. Sometimes more, sometimes less, but more or less, more than less :). In the article What helps me to get through those tough days, I offer an advice and tips that help me to get through the days when my children drive me crazy.

However, sometimes our children are relatively manageable and “good”, and yet, we feel overwhelmed. It can be a bad night sleep, bad pillow, personal circumstances or simply a bad day and we feel we are not ourselves. 
What can we do to feel better at times like this?

Below I offer a few tips from which I believe you will choose the ones that are the most suitable for you 😉 x

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I feel sad and regretful. Is it normal?

I often watch future mums getting ready for the arrival of their children, studying everything about a birth, being happy that they are ready for everything… There is nothing wrong with it, of course.

However, I always see these mums being astonished when the baby comes into the world. Suddenly they find that the birth is just a beginning. Despite studying 20 books, attending pregnancy yoga regularly and consulting everything beforehand with experienced mums, they feel they were not ready for anything. There is nothing wrong with that either. The truth is that no mother can be ready for what really comes with motherhood.

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My birth story

Everything began on April 27th, 2016 in the afternoon. I was home, as usual, Yaw was still at work and then planned to go with colleagues for one quick beer (in this case it was supposed to be really a quick one:). He called me something after six to assure I was ok. He told me the bar they were going to had no signal, but that he would be at home around eight.

A few minutes after his call I went to the toilet and immediately felt that something was flowing in streams out of me. But it was not a broken water, it was blood! (I am sorry, I’d tried to describe it less explicitly, but no compromise euphemism exists here:).

Since I’d happened to find myself in a similar situation on a New Year’s Eve, I did not freak out as you do when something like this happens for the first time. Taken the circumstances, I tried to keep a cool head and get Yaw. However, his phone was no longer available… I laughed at the irony in my mind. Any other day he goes home straight after work, and this must happen just when he went out for a while… I quickly sent him a text and asked him to hurry to the hospital and hoped he’d find it in time. I confusedly began to browse through the hospital papers and searched for the ‘right’ number. Then it was all a blur how quickly the process went.

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Tips on how to treat a new mum

I believe you will agree with me when I say that a woman doesn’t know what maternity is about until she becomes a mother herself. Often I see pregnant women around me during their first year after their baby is born planning or trying for the second child etc. I wasn’t any different, of course. “What can surprise me now? I know I will not sleep, that it will be hard, that the baby will always cry, but I will handle it and one day it will pass”, you think.

More on this subject I write in the post Things about motherhood no one tells you about. 

However, in reality, each of us is surprised by their own reactions and feelings. Suddenly you find that it’s not only about sleeping deprivation and changing nappies, but especially about the inner battle between love and madness.

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Why do we pretend happiness when feeling depressed?

Perhaps every mother who has been through depression at least for a certain period of time has a feeling that they have had to hide it from others. I was not an exception. I often ask myself why and still come to the conclusion that it was simply a subconscious reflex of my mind. I had the impression that something was wrong with me and that people would judge me for my feelings.

Somewhere deep inside I even feared that they could take my children away from me. Which, by the way, is an interesting paradox. On the one hand, I was depressed by the existence of my children, but the idea of taking them from me made me feel even worse … Maternal instinct is (fortunately) an extremely powerful and perhaps affects us more than we can imagine.

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Third trimester

They say that the first and third trimesters are the most difficult. I am talking about the difficulties of the first trimester in the post First Trimester. As for the third trimester, yes, it is difficult. Although in a completely different way than the first. My third and last trimester was definitely the longest, although it lasted less than two months. Let’s take it from the beginning. 

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Things about motherhood no one tells you about

Like probably every future mother, I was also conscientiously preparing for the arrival of my children. I read a lot, I asked, I listened … However, when they came into this world, I felt like I didn’t know anything at all.

Theoretically, I was armed, but practically completely disarmed. Yes, I knew I wanted to breastfeed, but I didn’t know how hard it would be to learn it. I knew I’d need to avoid stress, but I didn’t know that under the circumstances it would be as simple as avoiding breathing. I knew I was going to have a deficiency of sleep, but I didn’t know the mental impact it would have on me. These all are things no one gets you ready for. The more likely it is then for them to take us by surprise later and often also take control of us.

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