How to voice your opinion without feeling guilty?

You know it. You finally put the children down and your feet up when your phone rings. It is likely your parents or a friend. You know that most likely they do not want anything major, they just want to chat. However, after a long day of physical and psychological struggle, chatting on the phone is the last thing you want to do. All you need is to sit down, switch off the brain and do not think about anything. After a while, the ringing stops and a text appears on your display. “Can you talk?” You think of what you should do. You want to say ‘no’ but at the same time this idea makes you feel guilty. 

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LIZZY: “I felt utterly clueless and fairly useless.”

age: 35 years old
child: daughter, 21 months old

A lot of people think that pregnancy is the most beautiful time in a woman’s life. What was it like for you?

I found out I was pregnant about 3 weeks in. It had been something I had wanted for such a long time that it took all of my will power not to scream it from the roof tops as soon as the test showed positive. My partner was very concerned that something would go wrong in the early stages so he did his best to keep me grounded and stop me getting carried away. It felt like an eternity until our first scan (when we’d agreed we would tell people) and by that stage I’d started to convince myself it was all in my head and there would’t be a baby on the screen, but there was and we called our families that afternoon.

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IVANA: “When my daughter was half a year old, exactly on Christmas, her father left me.”

age: 30 years old
children: daughter – 5 years old, daughter – 0.5 years old

A lot of people think that pregnancy is the most beautiful time in a woman’s life. What was it like for you?

I have two children, the older is five and the younger is one and a half years old. The first pregnancy was much easier than the second, I felt pretty good until the baby was born. The second one was difficult right from the beginning. It was a bit of risk, as I have had problems with cervix and my gynecologist disagreed with the pregnancy at first. During the second trimester I was on strong antibiotics due to a strong cough. I had been worried all the time if the little one would be fine. It was a challenging period as besides this I had to deal with my older daughter and work.

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MONIKA: “I experienced death of two children I held in my arms”.

age: 29 years old
children: daughter – 2.5 years old, son – 1 year old

A lot of people think that pregnancy is the most beautiful time in a woman’s life. What was it like for you?

I had been through three pregnancies. My first was unfortunately unsuccessful; I lost twins in the 23rd week. They could not save them. Pregnancy left me with more serious health consequences and I had to undergo three operations. I did not suffer from postnatal depression as I experienced death of two children I held in my arms. Afterwards I had to go and see the counsellor because I did not know how to deal with what happened. I was not on any medication; I “only” did sessions.

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EVA: “First months of motherhood was the worst time of my life.”

age: 33 years old
child: son – 14 months old

A lot of people consider pregnancy being the most beautiful time in a woman’s life. What was it like for you?
At the beginning it was hard mentally. I could not accept the fact that life as I knew it, was over (a cigarette after work, a glass of wine in the evening). But when I accepted the fact I was expecting a baby, it was great.

As for the physical side of things, I wasn’t feeling nauseous. Only closer to the end, when the little one had not enough space anymore, it was more painful. Basically, I have good memories about my pregnancy. Everyone at work was considerate and supportive and I was enjoying 2 hours sleep and feet massages after work.

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Don’t judge me unless you have walked in my shoes

I have recently come across an interview with the psychologist on the subject of maternity, which made me think about many things.

The article was talking about ‘cry out’ method (controlled crying method) and its negative impact on childhood psychological development. One particular sentence was of great interest to me. ‘Only a heartless parent can let a child cry out’, stated there in black and white. If I do not take into account the fact that some psychologists support or recommend this method, I was astonished by the boldness of this statement.

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