Don’t judge me unless you have walked in my shoes

I have recently come across an interview with the psychologist on the subject of maternity, which made me think about many things.

The article was talking about ‘cry out’ method (controlled crying method) and its negative impact on childhood psychological development. One particular sentence was of great interest to me. ‘Only a heartless parent can let a child cry out’, stated there in black and white. If I do not take into account the fact that some psychologists support or recommend this method, I was astonished by the boldness of this statement.

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Christmas holidays with children

We have passed the second Christmas and New Year’s Eve with our boys!

The first Christmas holidays with them I was looking forward to it like a little girl. The first Christmas dinner together, children’s Christmas clothes, unpacking gifts… With Yaw we agreed that boys had to get something that makes sound. At that time, we did not really care what kind of sound that would be, however, in these things it is better to be picky. As a parent you have to count on hearing¬†this sound for the next few weeks and hours in a day. ūüėČ

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Quick help in hard times

We all have days when we’ve just had enough. Sometimes more, sometimes less, but more or less, more than less :). In the article What helps me to get through those tough days, I offer an advice and tips that help me to get through the days when my children drive me crazy.

However, sometimes our children are relatively manageable and “good”, and yet, we feel overwhelmed. It can be a bad night sleep, bad pillow, personal circumstances or simply a bad day and we feel we are not ourselves.¬†

What can we do to feel better at times like this?

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My birth story

Everything began on April 27th, 2016 in the afternoon. I was home as usual, Yaw was still at work and then planned to go with colleagues for one quick beer (in this case it was supposed to be really a quick one:). He called me something after six to assure I was ok. He told me the bar they were going to had no signal, but that he would be at home around eight.

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Tips on how to treat a new mum

I believe you will agree with me when I say that a woman doesn’t know what maternity is about¬†until she becomes a mother herself. Often I see pregnant women around me during their first year after their baby is born planning or trying for the second child etc. I wasn’t any different, of course. “What can surprise me now? I know I will not sleep, that it will be hard, that the baby will always cry, but I will handle it and one day it will pass”, you think.

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Why do we pretend happiness when feeling depressed?

Perhaps every mother who has been through depression at least for a certain period of time has a feeling that they have had to hide it from others. I was not an exception. I often ask myself why and still come to the conclusion that it was simply a subconscious reflex of my mind. I had the impression that something was wrong with me and that people would judge me for my feelings.

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LIZZY: “I felt utterly clueless and fairly useless.”

age: 35 years old
child: daughter, 21 months old

A lot of people think that pregnancy is the most beautiful time in a woman’s life. What was it like for you?

I found out I was pregnant about 3 weeks in. It had been something I had wanted for such a long time that it took all of my will power not to scream it from the roof tops as soon as the test showed positive. My partner was very concerned that something would go wrong in the early stages so he did his best to keep me grounded and stop me getting carried away. It felt like an eternity until our first scan (when we’d agreed we would tell people) and by that stage I’d started to convince myself it was all in my head and there would’t be a baby on the screen, but there was and we called our families that afternoon.

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IVANA: “When my daughter was half a year old, exactly on Christmas, her father left me.”

age: 30 years old
children: daughter – 5 years old, daughter – 0.5 years old

A lot of people think that pregnancy is the most beautiful time in a woman’s life. What was it like for you?

I have two children, the older is five and the younger is one and a half years old. The first pregnancy was much easier than the second, I felt pretty good until the baby was born. The second one was difficult right from the beginning. It was a bit of risk, as I have had problems with cervix and my gynecologist disagreed with the pregnancy at first. During the second trimester I was on strong antibiotics due to a strong cough. I had been worried all the time if the little one would be fine. It was a challenging period as besides this I had to deal with my older daughter and work.

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MONIKA: “I¬†experienced death of two children I held in my arms”.

age: 29 years old
children: daughter – 2.5 years old, son – 1 year old

A lot of people think that pregnancy is the most beautiful time in a woman’s life. What was it like for you?

I¬†had been through three pregnancies. My first was unfortunately unsuccessful; I¬†lost twins in the 23rd week. They could not save them. Pregnancy left me with more serious health consequences and I had to undergo three operations. I did not suffer from postnatal depression as I¬†experienced death of two children I held in my arms. Afterwards I had to go and see the counsellor because I did not know how to deal with what happened. I¬†was not on any medication; I¬†“only” did sessions.

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EVA: “First months of motherhood was the worst time of my life.”

age: 33 years old
child: son – 14 months old

A lot of people consider pregnancy being the most beautiful time in a woman’s life. What was it like for you?
At the beginning it was hard mentally. I could not accept the fact that life as I knew it, was over (a cigarette after work, a glass of wine in the evening). But when I accepted the fact I was expecting a baby, it was great.

As for the physical side of things, I wasn’t feeling nauseous. Only closer to the end, when the little one had not enough space anymore, it was more painful. Basically, I have good memories about my pregnancy. Everyone at work was considerate and supportive and I was enjoying 2 hours sleep and feet massages after work.

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