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I am author of Motherhood - The Unspoken, motivational speaker, award-winning mental health advocate, mother of three mixed race children (including twins) & wife to an amazing husband, who is on a mission to stop silent struggles and postnatal depression.

Ivana Poku

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ivanapoku

🤰 Mum of mixed race twins+1
💪 Postnatal depression survivor
✍️ Author of Motherhood - The Unspoken
🎧 @life_in_black__and__white podcast

We’re taught — directly or silently — that b

We’re taught — directly or silently — that being a good mum means putting our kids first.

And we do. A thousand times a day.
We show up, we give, we sacrifice, we stretch ourselves thin.

BUT

If you’re running on empty, putting your child first doesn’t work the way you think it does.

Because they don’t just need our presence.
They need our energy. Our patience. Out full attention. Our joy.

And when you’re close to burnout, when you feel like you’re disappearing - that’s the moment you need to pause.

And choose you.

Not forever. Not at the cost of your children.
But long enough to breathe. To feel human. To remember you exist outside nappies and snacks and tantrums.

This is not about neglect.
It’s about survival.
It’s about modelling what it looks like to care for yourself - so they grow up knowing how to do the same.

Being a good mum doesn’t mean running yourself into the ground.

Being a good mum means knowing when to say: “I need a minute, too.”

And that minute?

Can change everything.

Yesterday, baby Yaw (our youngest) had his summer

Yesterday, baby Yaw (our youngest) had his summer show at nursery.

And it hit me harder than I thought it would.

It’s always a mix of happy and sad watching our kids grow up, isn’t it?

But this time… it felt different.

Because this was the last time I’d be doing this.

The last time I’d sit in a little chair, watching my child sing and clap with his small chubby hands.

And there’s something about that I can’t even explain.

One of the reasons I wanted our third baby was because I felt like I missed out with Henry and Mason.

When they were babies, I was in survival mode.

Postnatal depression robbed me of so many memories.

I look at pictures from that time and instead of feeling joy, I feel a tight chest.

I remember the fear. The fog. The pain.
It’s something I’ll carry with me forever.

But this time — with baby Yaw — it’s different.

This time, I got to feel it.

I got to be there, fully.

Watching him hit these milestones without drowning in darkness feels like standing in the sunshine after a storm.

And I’m just so grateful I got this chance.

As for the twins…
No, I can’t go back.
But I can go forward.
And I am.

We still have so many years ahead.
So many laughs, cuddles, and memories to make.

Right now, we’re off to Slovakia to see family.
The boys are buzzing, and I just know they’ll have the best time.

Their joy is everything to me.

And that’s what matters.

Not what we missed — but what we still have.
And everything that’s yet to come.

I’ll be honest… Being a white mum to mixed-r

I’ll be honest…

Being a white mum to mixed-race children is more challenging and eye-opening than I ever could have imagined.

I used to believe love would be enough.
That if we raised our boys to be confident, kind, and proud of who they are, the world would reflect that back.
That skin colour wouldn’t matter. That racism was behind us.

Now I know I was a little naive.
Not wrong to believe in the good - but unaware of what still needs to change.

Racism today doesn’t always shout.
It whispers.
In stares.
In assumptions.
In the “harmless” jokes.
In the way people decide who you are before they even know you.

It’s the quiet kind that slips under the radar… that’s what makes it dangerous.

But this isn’t about shame or blame. It’s about awareness.

We all carry some bias, even me!

Not because we’re bad people - but because of the world we were raised in.

The change - the real change begins with the courage to face uncomfortable truths.

To say, “Yes, I have bias. Yes, I have work to do.”

And then to take that slow, deliberate step forward … For them, for us, for the future.

Because if we don’t, who will?

On has to steal this one from @hal_elrod I agree

On has to steal this one from @hal_elrod

I agree with this with every fibre of my body, and it beautifully applies to motherhood as well.

No one handed us a manual.

No one told us exactly how to handle the crying, the guilt, the sleepless nights, or the emotional overload.

We figure it out by living it.

By getting it wrong.

By learning.

By showing up anyway.

So if you make a mistake today?

It doesn’t mean you’re failing.

It means you’re learning to be an even better mum. ❤️

I love my kids to bits, but I’m not ashamed to s

I love my kids to bits, but I’m not ashamed to say that are moments when…

I need to be without them.

I lose it.

I cry.

I say things I don’t mean.

And I know I’m not alone.

All of this is totally normal and natural.

We just need to talk about it more.

Because the more we speak the truth, the more normal it becomes.

I see you, mama. I WAS you. For months, I wore th

I see you, mama. I WAS you.

For months, I wore the mask.

Smiled when I wanted to scream.

Said “I’m fine” when I was breaking.

Functioned on empty while the world assumed I was enjoying my babies.

Inside, I was drowning - in exhaustion, in guilt, in silence.

I remember wondering if I was the only one who felt this way.

Why didn’t anyone warn me it could be this hard?

Why did it feel like everyone else was coping - except me?

If you’re here now, reading this, and thinking no one gets it…

I do.

And it’s why I wrote the book ‘Motherhood: The Unspoken’ for you.

It’s the book I wish someone had handed me when I was in the thick of it.

Not full of advice. Not sugar-coated stories.
But truth. And comfort. And proof there are brighter days just around the corner.

You don’t have to struggle in silence.
You don’t have to pretend anymore.
You are not alone - and you were never meant to be.

Click the link in bio to learn more ❤️

When my boys grow up, the advice I’ll give to ne

When my boys grow up, the advice I’ll give to new mums won’t be “enjoy every moment.”

It’ll be this: Be present.

Because not every moment is joyful.

Some are lonely.

Some are beyond exhausting.

Some will bring you to your knees.

But presence?
That’s power.

And I don’t mean just being there physically.

I mean letting yourself be in the moment.

Not replaying yesterday.

Not worrying about tomorrow.

Not thinking about the to-do list or the mess in the kitchen.

Just here.
With your baby.
With yourself.
Fully in it - even if it’s hard.

Because years from now, you won’t regret the moments you didn’t “enjoy.”

You’ll regret the ones you weren’t truly there for.

I see you, mama. I WAS you. For months, I wore th

I see you, mama. I WAS you.

For months, I wore the mask.

Smiled when I wanted to scream.

Said “I’m fine” when I was breaking.

Functioned on empty while the world assumed I was enjoying my babies.

Inside, I was drowning - in exhaustion, in guilt, in silence.

I remember wondering if I was the only one who felt this way.

Why didn’t anyone warn me it could be this hard?

Why did it feel like everyone else was coping - except me?

If you’re here now, reading this, and thinking no one gets it…

I do.

And it’s why I wrote the book ‘Motherhood: The Unspoken’ for you.

It’s the book I wish someone had handed me when I was in the thick of it.

Not full of advice. Not sugar-coated stories.
But truth. And comfort. And proof there are brighter days just around the corner.

You don’t have to struggle in silence.
You don’t have to pretend anymore.
You are not alone - and you were never meant to be.

Grab your copy today - because it’s time someone spoke the truth for you.

The link is in the bio ❤️

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