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MENTAL WELLBEING, MOTHERHOOD

How to easily let go of the need to be a perfect mum

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November 13, 2020

- MENTAL WELLBEING, MOTHERHOOD

Do you feel guilty over not being perfect? 

Do you feel ‘not good enough’?

Don’t worry, you are not alone!

You are not alone in either of these states – in not being a perfect mum, as well as feeling bad about it.

Quite interesting when you think about it, isn’t it? That none of us are perfect and yet, we all feel bad about it. 

It’s like feeling bad about not having four hands. (Although frankly, they would probably come in more handy than perfection. ;))

Anyway, I hear this a lot when working with mums. 

I am not good enough…

I am not doing a good job…

I am failing my children…

My kids deserve better…


Oh, dear… Where has this all come from? 

(Though I have an idea, but that is a whole different subject. :))

The question is, what can we do about it? How can we change the way we feel about our parenting? About ourselves?

The answer is simpler than you might have thought.

 

Let me ask you: have you ever tried to explore why you believe perfection is a good thing?

 

Think about it.


We are constantly flooded by the attempts for perfection from other people that we blindly follow without even questioning if it is good or bad for us. Everyone does it, so it must be good –  which is what our subconscious allows us to think and believe. 


Well, guess what, my darling. 

It definitely is not the case. 


Furthermore, it is not good for our children. 


Remember that our children largely copy our behaviour, so it’s important to model the behavior we want our children to exhibit.

If we did everything perfectly or ‘in the right way’ – how do you think this would impact your children? What would they take away from it?

They could grow up believing that making mistakes is not ok… They could live in a bubble and struggle later on in life surrounded by people who do not strive for perfection… They could perceive every little mistake they make as a failure… They could get to the point where they struggle with self-esteem… They could also experience serious issues in relationships due to being too hard on themselves (just like you are now?) …

And the list does not end here…

This is not what you want.

Also, remember that children pick up on our energy more than you may realise (and more than they realise). So if you constantly beat yourself up for not being perfect, what will they take away from it? They won’t remember you as a ‘mum who is not good enough’. They will remember you as a mum who is stressed. 

Perfection in any relationship creates distance rather than a bond. It misses the human aspect. It misses genuine connection. 

Realising this has stopped any of my attempts to be perfect. Just like that.

Instead of giving the example of being perfect, I teach my boys how to deal with mistakes. How to face the consequences and find a solution. That some failures are just opportunities to really learn to be better than could imagine.

Because at the end of the day, all we want is for them is to be happy, isn’t it?

So please, take the pressure off yourself now and enjoy life and its perfect imperfections.

For we are not supposed to be perfect. We are supposed to make mistakes, learn from them, work on ourselves, and grow.  


What ways have you used to let go of the need to be a perfect mum? Let me know in the comments! xx



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MENTAL WELLBEING

Why is mental health a taboo subject?

By on

June 3, 2020

- MENTAL WELLBEING

“Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean it isn’t so.” – Lemony Snicket

“What mental health needs is more sunlight, more candor, and more unashamed conversation.” – Glenn Close


Why is mental health a taboo subject?

This is a question I ask myself a lot. It makes me sad to see how many people still perceive mental illnesses as a weakness or failure.

Of course, we have made huge progress over the years, but it will still take a good few years before we talk about our mental health openly and without reservations. 
keep reading

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MENTAL WELLBEING

Coronavirus and mental health – how I beat my anxiety in one day

By on

March 24, 2020

- MENTAL WELLBEING

“First time in history, we can save the human race by lying in front of the TV. And doing nothing. Let’s not screw this up.”
– Unknown


How are you feeling about the coronavirus?

I’ve been experiencing a variety of feelings…. 

From anxiety, confusion, and stress to faith and hope.

Do you feel similar?


What I fear the most perhaps is that I’ll fall into depression. Again.


I’ve been here almost four years ago when I was stuck with my little boys at home. We lived in an apartment in the house with no lift at the time. The stairs had also a tricky angle which made it difficult to carry the buggy downstairs – both physically and mentally.


So I was kind of trapped which was one of many triggers for postnatal depression. 

keep reading

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MENTAL WELLBEING

Beautiful pictures that will make you feel good instantly

By on

November 26, 2019

- MENTAL WELLBEING

Do you like Pinterest, guys?

I absolutely love it!

Scrolling through it now, I came across a few pictures that made me feel happy and relaxed… Wonderful feeling.

You know this type of pictures, music, smells, views, experiences, people, words… that make you feel good just by being? Exactly this type!  How little is enough (sometimes) to feel good, isn’t it?

As a huge fan of positive energy or even more precisely – of spreading positive energy, I decided to share some of them with you! Hope they will make you feel as good as they made me.

 keep reading

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MENTAL WELLBEING

Here’s how to defeat anxiety fast

By on

October 15, 2018

- MENTAL WELLBEING

I sit on my seat by the window in a packed train fighting the wave of anxiety that is tirelessly trying to get to me.

In case you didn’t know this about me – I suffer from an anxiety disorder. Oh, and also claustrophobia. (But not to worry, I also have a great sense of humour, so it balances it out.)

And when I say I sit by the window,… Well, the window actually takes up only about 40 % of the space next to me.

The rest of my view is just something big, plastic and totally useless. I look at the guy next to me who made it clear just a minute ago that he would not swap a seat.

Perhaps that is why I don’t really feel like confessing I suffer mental issues, so I let him enjoy his blind victory and close my eyes in a hope that the tension in my heart will pass. keep reading

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LIFE, MENTAL WELLBEING

How to voice your opinion without feeling guilty?

By on

March 27, 2018

- LIFE, MENTAL WELLBEING

You know it. You finally put the children down and your feet up when your phone rings. It is likely your parents or a friend. You know that most likely they do not want anything major, they just want to chat.

However, after a long day of physical and psychological struggle, chatting on the phone is the last thing you want to do. All you need is sit down, switch off the brain and do not think about anything. After a while, the ringing stops and a text appears on your display. “Can you talk?” 

You think of what you should do. You want to say ‘no’ but at the same time, this idea makes you feel guilty.  keep reading

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MENTAL WELLBEING

50 Tips to feel good instantly

By on

December 11, 2017

- MENTAL WELLBEING

We all have days when we’ve just had enough. Sometimes more, sometimes less, but more or less, more than less :).

In the post What helps me to get through those tough days, I offer advice and tips that help me to get through the days when my children drive me crazy.

However, sometimes our children are relatively manageable and “good”, and yet, we feel overwhelmed.

It can be a bad night’s sleep, bad pillow, personal circumstances, or simply a bad day and we feel we are not ourselves.  What can we do to feel better at times like this?

Below I offer a few tips from which I believe you will choose the ones that are the most suitable for you 😉 x keep reading

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MENTAL WELLBEING, POSTNATAL DEPRESSION

What should I do when feeling lonely and tearful?

By on

July 16, 2017

- MENTAL WELLBEING, POSTNATAL DEPRESSION

I’ll never forget the moment when I was looking at my few days old children and tears were falling down my face.

However, it wasn’t the tears of joy, it was the tears of regret.

Regret that we’d wanted to have them and regret about my future.

It was a couple of days after Yaw and I had moved into the hospital. Nurses recommended this step as I’d wanted to breastfeed. During one week all four of us lived in a hospital room the size of a shoe box. I am always grateful that we had this option but it wasn’t easy to live like that.

In a real-time it wasn’t a long period of time, but for me, it was the longest week of my life. And one of the hardest ones.

 I was looking at them as they were asleep and an intense desire for them not to exist took possession of my mind. Up until today, I get goosebumps when I remember what had been running through my mind at that moment. Why did we want them …? Why did they have to be born?

keep reading

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