Last Updated on August 12, 2026 by Ivana Poku
How many sorries have you said today?
Most likely, way more often than necessary.
Look at this:
“Sorry, would you mind…?”
“Sorry for moaning…”
“Sorry, I need your help…”
“Sorry, but I don’t agree with you…”
“Sorry, may I ask…?”
Mums say sorry for (almost) everything. So often that it stops being an apology and starts being punctuation.
It feels polite, but here’s the question nobody asks: what is all that sorry actually doing to you?
By the end of this post, you’ll know exactly why you do it, and exactly what to say instead.
Why Do Mums Say Sorry So Much?
A lot of us grew up learning to be “good girls”:
- Polite
- Quiet
- Modest
- Never causing a fuss
At the time, it felt like good manners.
A lot of this comes from wanting to be perfect too. If this sounds like you, also check out my post A Mum’s Guide to Letting Go of Perfection.
Then you become a mum and that old habit sneaks into everything you do.
Slowly, it started chipping away at your confidence, your voice, and your sense of who you are.
“Sorry” turns into your default – a way to dodge conflict before it even starts.
But every time you say it when you don’t need to, it whispers something underneath:
- You’re too much
- Your feelings are inconvenient
- Your needs don’t matter
That’s some really heavy stuff to carry, especially while you’re also raising little one(s).
Related posts:
How To Say No Without Guilt: 5 Tips for Overwhelmed Mums
Do You Do This Too? The Quick “Sorry” Check
Before we continue, try this.
Think back to today and try to remember if you said sorry for any of these:
- Asking your partner to help you
- Texting a friend back a few hours late
- Saying you’re tired
- Asking a question in a group chat
- Needing five minutes alone
- Disagreeing with someone
If you counted more than two, you’re probably an over apologiser.
But don’t worry, you’re definitely not the only one!
Most mums are, and that’s exactly why I wrote this post.
Necessary vs. Unnecessary Sorry
Now, saying sorry isn’t always wrong.
Sometimes it’s exactly the right, classy thing to do.
For instance, when:
-
You’ve hurt someone’s feelings.
-
You’ve made a mistake.
-
You’ve (unintentionally) caused someone trouble.
Those “sorries” mean something. They show empathy and accountability.
What I’m talking about in this post is the “sorry” that sneaks in even when you’ve done nothing wrong.
That kind of sorry doesn’t help anyone.
It only makes you feel smaller, quietens your voice, and makes your real apologies feel less genuine.
What This Actually Looks Like In Real Life
Now, let me show you how this looks like in a day to day life.
You’re running two minutes late for a school drop off (or anything really), and you say “sorry, sorry, sorry” three times before you’ve even said hello.
You need a favour from a friend and you start with, “Sorry, I really need your help.”
You call your doctor and say “Sorry, is it possible to book an appointment?”
You need a nap, and you tell your partner, “Sorry, I’m just really tired”.
None of those needed an apology.
Yet the word came out anyway, on autopilot.
It’s kind of sad when you look at it this way, isn’t it?
How Over-Apologising Affects Your Life as a Mum
Being a mum already comes with enough guilt and second guessing on its own.
So over apologising just adds fuel to that fire.
Here’s what it does:
- Kids pick it up: Kids are little sponges so when they hear you say sorry for everything, they start to think: I’m too much. My needs are a problem. And eventually, they copy it, and start apologising for things that are not their fault.
- It weakens your boundaries: When you say sorry for setting limits, like bedtime, screen time, or “no more sweets,” it sends a mixed message. Your kids may stop taking your words seriously. It’s hard to be firm when every “no” or “stop that” comes wrapped in an apology. If you do this often, my post How to Set Boundaries With Your Children (Without Mum Guilt) can help.
- It fuels mum guilt: When you apologise for everything, it makes you feel like you’re somewhat failing all the time. Your brain gets stuck on a loop of “I’m not doing enough.” If that loop feels familiar, I share with helped me in the post I Was Feeling Constantly Guilty as a Mum – Until I Changed This.
- It steals your confidence: Constant apologising can make you feel like you’re never doing a good job. You start doubting your own instincts, and shrinking yourself to make life “nicer” for everyone but you.
How to Break the Habit
The first step is to notice when your “sorry” reflex kicks in.
Then ask yourself:
Do I really need to say sorry here, or am I just trying to shrink myself so someone else feels comfortable?
Here are some easy swaps you can start using today:
-
Instead of “Sorry, I need help,” try: “I need help with this.”
-
Instead of “Sorry for moaning,” try: “I need to vent for a minute.”
-
Instead of “Sorry, I disagree,” try: “I see it differently.”
It will feel unnatural at first, but the more you do it, the sooner it becomes second nature.
Always remember: your voice matters.
You never ever have to apologise for:
- saying no
- needing help
- disagreeing with someone
- taking up space in your own home and your own family!
What If It Feels Impossible to Stop?
If reading this made your stomach drop a little, that’s totally normal!
You’ve spent years apologising for everything, so it will take some time to unlearn it.
Don’t try to change this habit overnight.
Start with one swap, in one moment.
Conclusion:
Motherhood can be hard enough, so don’t make it even harder with constant apologising just to make others comfortable.
In fact, your sorry probably doesn’t make them any more comfortable at all. It’s just something you believe it does.
You never need to apologise for:
-
Having feelings
-
Needing boundaries
-
Needing a break
-
Doing things differently from other mums
Your voice is important and your feelings are valid.
So say it with me: I have nothing to apologise for.
And next time that reflex kicks in, pause and ask yourself: am I apologising out of habit, or out of necessity?
Happy motherhood (and life) doesn’t come from shrinking yourself.
It comes when you show up, loudly, proudly, and unapologetically, for yourself and your kids.
Your next read:
- 13 Signs You’re a Good Mum (Even When You Feel Like You’re Failing)
- People Judge Your Parenting? Here’s Why It’s a Good Thing!
- Why Mum Burnout Is NOT a Badge of Honour
- New Mums: Why You Should STOP Hiding How You REALLY Feel
FAQs
Isn’t it rude to stop saying sorry?
No, lovely one. There’s a BIG difference between being rude and simply not apologising for existing. You can be kind, warm, and polite without saying sorry for things that were never your fault.
What if I don’t feel confident saying no?
Start with small steps. You don’t need a perfect, confident “no” straight away. Even a wobbly “I can’t do that right now” is a massive step forward. Confidence comes with the practice.
Will my kids think I’m being rude if I stop apologising so much?
No, the opposite, actually. Kids learn boundaries by watching you hold them. When you stop over-apologising, you teach them that needs, feelings, and limits don’t require an apology. That’s a real gift and a life skill that will serve them for a lifetime.
What if I over-apologise because of anxiety, not just habit?
Then you might need to address the root cause of the problem. This post is a starting point, not a fix for everything. If “sorry” is tied to deeper anxiety, it might help to talk it through with someone you trust, or a trusted professional who can support you properly.
PhDr. Ivana Poku is the author of Motherhood – The Unspoken, an award-winning blogger and maternal mental health advocate. Through her work, she is on a mission to create a world where mums feel seen, heard and supported. Ivana is also a mum of three boys, including twins, and lives with her family in a small coastal town in Scotland.
