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Birth Trauma – How to tell if you’re suffering from PTSD after childbirth

Here I welcome Alexandra Kremer, www.alexandrakremer.co.uk, to share her powerful story and valuable information about birth trauma. 

Alexandra is a fertility, birth and parenting specialist, antenatal & postnatal educator and practitioner. She is trained in delivering the Freedom Fertility Formula, The Calm Birth Method, The Wise Hippo Birthing Programme, BabyCalm and ToddlerCalm and is also a Certified Birth Trauma Resolution Practitioner which is where a huge part of her passion lies.

She has a keen interest in yoga as well as women’s and children’s rights during birth and beyond. Originally from London, Alex now lives in Hertfordshire with her two young children. Alex sees clients in person and remotely from all over the world. More information can be found on her website

Over to Alexandra. 

Birth trauma is sadly all too often a common occurrence, perhaps you had an unexpected medicalised birth, an emergency or a problem with yourself or your baby before, during or after the birth.

A common misconception though is that to experience trauma it had to have been really horrific labour.

This is not true.

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Baby loss – more common than you would have thought!

“Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.”
Eskimo Proverb

“Babies lost in the womb were never touched by fear. They were never cold, never hungry, never alone, and importantly always knew love.”
Zoe Clark-Coates

It’s baby loss awareness week… Another tough subject to talk about, but since it is something I have personal experience with, I feel it is finally time for me to write about it. And to support those who have been through it too.

This second pregnancy was not planned, but after the initial shock, I started to be excited and look forward to it. But not for long. Before I knew it, the baby was gone.

I kept asking why it happened, but this is something you can never be 100% sure with. We were put through a lot of stress at the time as our Henry had to undergo surgery, so I believe this did not add up to the relaxed state of mind a pregnant woman is supposed to be in.

Anyway, one day I started to bleed so we went straight to the urgent care. They said it didn’t necessarily have to mean anything bad, but suggested for me to rest and relax. Like you could relax in a situation like that, right?

However, I did my best, but the bleeding would not stop. On the third day,  I started to feel sharp cramps in my belly. I knew very well what it meant, but was still was hoping till the last moment.

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From depressed to being a finalist in the Best Business Women Awards!

The day started like any other until I opened my inbox and found an email saying that I am a finalist for Best Business Women Awards 2019 for Best Blogger !! Honestly, I had to pinch myself a few times at that moment before I realised it really was true!

I cannot even start to describe what a huge honour this is for me.

I started blogging about 3 years ago after I had overcome postnatal depression, with the one and only goal to help and support mums to never have to feel the way I did.

I absolutely love to see how this blog progresses.

At first, I was writing only about my own experiences, but after a while I started to go deeper and reveal all the unspoken truths about motherhood which, I believe, could help -even save – many new mothers out there. I started to share tips and advice on how to overcome common parenting problems, and struggles and do my best to show mothers that whatever they are going through, they are not alone.

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The best advice I got when I felt down

As a new mum, you are overwhelmed by the amount and variety of emotions. But also by the amount and variety of advice that flows to you from every direction, aren’t you?

I lost count of the amount of advice I was given when I felt down… But I will never forget one in particular that made a huge difference in the way I felt and perhaps even saved me.

The boys were a few months old and I was having a depressive episode (of course, I didn’t know what it was at the time). I remember that daunting feeling of despair and the neverending tears that I could not stop from falling. I felt trapped in my own life and didn’t see any point in anything.

Yaw took me and the boys out for a walk and I was describing to him how I felt. I cried and cried… and then cried again over the fact that I was crying and feeling down instead of enjoying being a mum.

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Did you know? Labour is (often) the easy part!

Labour is  what most mums-to-be think and worry about the most.

They spend a lot of time researching all the possible (and impossible) information on this subject and trying to see if there is a way to ease the pain that comes with labour.

I was the same, of course. But here is what I want to tell you now, after 3 and something years of being a mum.

Labour is – in most cases -the easy part!

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Career and motherhood – what’s the problem?

Check out this great and a ‘hot topic’ blog post written by a special lady who also happens to be my friend – Lenka. 

Lenka is a mother to a lovely boy Hendrix who she loves from the bottom of her heart but finds it very challenging at times to deal with all the parenting struggles, especially after she had got back to work. 

Let’s see what she says about balancing motherhood and work.

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Fathers are parents too

Another Father’s day is here and for us, it’s the third one as a family. Wow, really?

This occasion (as well as many others) made me think about dads’ roles in the world of parenting.

Can’t help thinking as though dad’s role as such was often somewhat forgotten about… And what is even worse – as though it was normal this way! As if it was a mother alone who deserves all the credit.

Now, don’t get me wrong,  I am not taking anything away from strong mothers who also work or mothers who have an extremely difficult job of parenting roles (Absolutely amazing by the way! Never forget that).

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Postnatal Depression – A man’s view

With Father’s day coming up, I want to point out to the subject of fathers and postnatal depression as I feel it is despite its significance often overlooked or even ignored.

Postpartum depression has typically been perceived as a problem limited to women with newborn babies and has not included men.

However, we cannot forget that fathers also experience significant changes with the arrival of their child. Fathers also have to adjust to an array of new and demanding roles and tasks during the early stages of parenthood.

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What is Postnatal depression? Symptoms, causes, and treatment options.

I often talk about postnatal depression, but I have realised I have never written about what postnatal depression actually is.

Personally, I am familiar with everything that relates to postnatal depression, but I am aware that this is not the case for everyone. There are plenty of people who still have no clue what it actually is, or even perceive it as some kind of a whim on the part of the sufferer.

So let me do something about it…

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What do expectant mums know about Postnatal Depression?

In connection with Mental Health Awareness week, I decided to some research and see how well mothers suffering from Postnatal Depression (PND) knew about it before they became parents.

Personally, I knew it existed, but that was pretty much it. I never ever thought it could happen to me… 

Not because I thought I was so special. Simply I thought it’s PND which is for very special and rare occasions. 

I remember our first meeting with a midwife. It’s true she did mention PND, although she gave the impression it was just one of those irrelevant things on the list she had to tick off…

She then handed us a few leaflets with contact numbers we were supposed to reach out to should we have experience signs of depression. That was all the education on PND we got.

That was all the information we were given about one of the most common mental illnesses and the reason a lot of mothers took their lives…

Quite sad, isn’t it?

That being so, I asked other PND survivors about their experiences and how well they were informed on this illness before it hit them.

Let’s see what they said!

Continue reading “What do expectant mums know about Postnatal Depression?”