Ivana Poku A mum’s brain is like a walking encyclopaedia.
Well, that’s how it feels anyway.
That everyone expects you to be that.
Always have an answer for everything, regardless of what time of day it is or how many things you’ve already answered:
- Plan for dinner.
- Write shopping list.
- Choose present for the upcoming baby party.
- Buy new shoes for your little one.
Arrrgh!
I get anxious just writing these down.
And that’s not remotely all you have to deal with on a daily basis.
Did you know that the average adult makes around 35,000 decisions a day, and mums as the “default parent” make even more?
Shocking, yet not really.
It’s the reality for most mums… And it can leave you beyond exhausted – especially emotionally.
If you’re looking for ways to ease the overwhelm so that you don’t feel like a pressure cooker at the end of each day (or before 9am), this post is for you.
We will cover:
- why mums carry the weight of decision making
- why every small choice feels exhausting
- how to stop these decisions from taking your inner peace
Let’s dive in!
Why Mums Carry the Weight of Decision Making
This is something (or one of the things) nobody tells you.
The second you become a mum, you somehow become the default:
- answer-giver
- planner
- “ask her, she’ll know”
Your partner doesn’t know what size vest fits your baby.
You do.
Nobody remembers when the next appointment is.
You do.
No one else notices that you’re running out of nappies (diapers).
You guessed it – you do.
It’s not that people around you can’t think. They just feel that they don’t have to.
They somehow expect you to think for them.
(Cruel, I know, but here we are.)
You’re not just making decisions – you’re making decisions about decisions:
- What to feed your baby
- What she’ll actually eat
- What if she doesn’t eat it
- What to make instead
- What to pack for nursery
- What if it’s cold today
- What if it’s not
You get the picture.
One question turns into three, and you’re expected to answer all of them.
That’s a massive mental load mums carry. One no one can see.
So if you feel tired in a way that sleep doesn’t fix, this is probably why.
It’s not that you’re doing too much (although, you probably are).
It’s that you’re thinking too much.
All day, every day.
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Why Every Small Choice Feels Exhausting
Okay, now let’s zoom in on what actually happens in your brain.
Every decision you make (or think about) uses up a bit of the same energy.
Doesn’t matter if it’s a “should we move house” or “cereal or toast” kind of decision.
Your brain spends your energy equally.
It’s pretty much like a phone battery.
At 7am, you’re at 100%. You can decide anything.
By 9am, you’ve already made twenty decisions.
And by 4pm, when your partner asks “what do you fancy for dinner?” – you could cry.
Not because dinner is hard, but because you have nothing left to decide with.
That’s decision fatigue.
It’s when your brain runs on 3%, and is asked to open one more app.
What This Is Actually Costing You
Decision fatigue is not really about feeling tired.
When you’re tired, you can sleep it off.
Decision fatigue can look like:
- snapping at your partner over something silly
- going numb by 7pm
- someone asking “what do you want to watch?” and you really don’t know
You used to have opinions, favourite things, and preferences.
Now you just don’t care most of the time.
Even “tea or coffee” can feel too much (if it’s asked after 9am).
This happens because your brain is protecting what little it has left by shutting the rest of it down.
It doesn’t make you a bad mum or a bad person.
It makes you… well, a mum.
You’re not really empty. Quite the opposite – you’re full.
How to Stop These Decisions From Taking Your Inner Peace
Let’s move on to the exciting bit – how to make the decision fatique stop.
Or at the very least, to ease it off.
1. Make the boring stuff automatic
As mums, we often want to do more than we have the capacity for.
It’s like we’re trying to fit 12 eggs into an 8-piece egg compartment.
Your children don’t need a “perfect” breakfast every morning, or adventure-filled activities every weekend.
For the time being, aim for:
- same breakfast most days
- 4-5 dinners on rotation
- same “go-to” gift for every baby party
- cuddles and a movie as the activity for most weekends
Or anything else that feels good to you and doesn’t cost you too much energy.
It may sound boring, but boring saves your brainpower.
Save the exciting decisions for things that actually deserve them.
2. Lower the bar on purpose
Not every choice needs to be the “right” one.
When you’re truly honest with yourself, no one expects you to make the best possible choices on every little thing. In most cases, it’s just you who puts the pressure on yourself to do things “perfectly” (whatever perfect means).
Most choices just need to be done.
Odd socks? Beans on toast again? Okay. The world won’t stop spinning.
Perfect is expensive. Done is free (and feels much better).
3. Give yourself a decision-free zone outside of the house
I’m a huge advocate for self care but I’ve found that the best self care happens outside of the house.
Create a routine where you get outside of the house on your own every day – even if it’s only for 10 minutes, during which you won’t be allowed to make any decisions.
This can be:
- a walk
- a ride
- exercise
- going to the cinema
- attending a class/group
The options are limitless.
It works better than a bath at home because when you’re at home, you’re always switched on – even if subconsciously.
When you get out, it actually allows your brain to recharge properly.
And remember that even batteries don’t work without recharging.
4. Hand it over properly – not just the doing, the deciding
When you ask your partner to cook dinner, it still means you decided dinner, and just delegated the cooking.
So you’re not really handing it over. You’re just outsourcing the boring bit and keeping the mental bit.
That’s not what we want.
So try this instead: “Dinner’s yours tonight.” Full stop.
No suggestions, no “maybe pasta?”, no checking what they picked.
Let it actually be their call. (Even if it’s chips again.)
Remember, we don’t aim for perfect, we aim for more inner peace for you.
And peace doesn’t come from controlling every decision, it comes from letting some of them go.
5. Notice when it’s not really about the thing
If you’re raging about whose turn it is to load the dishwasher, it’s probably not about the dishwasher.
It’s your battery hitting empty. And when that happens, every small thing starts to feel like the last straw – because, in a way, it is.
That’s your cue to stop deciding and just… stop.
Leave the room. Go for a walk. Take a shower. Anything that gets you out of decision mode for a few minutes, before you say something you don’t mean.
6. Let randomness decide the tiny stuff
Not every choice deserves your brainpower.
Some don’t even deserve a decision, just a quick outcome.
Blue top or green top? Flip a coin. Park or garden? Odds or evens on your fingers. Rice or pasta? Whichever cupboard you open first, that’s dinner.
Sounds silly, but it really makes a big difference.
Because the second something’s decided for you, your brain stops chewing on it.
And that’s exactly what we’re aiming for here.
I’ve said it earlier and I’ll say it again: save your actual decision-making for the things that matter.
Let the coin handle the rest.
It doesn’t make you lazy, it makes you smart.
Summary:
So, my darling, you’re not “too sensitive” or “too much.”
You’re just a woman who’s trying to be the encyclopaedia, the planner, the answer-giver at all times.
You don’t need to make fewer things, you just need fewer things to decide.
So pick one thing (or more) from this post and see what happens. If you have any questions, drop them below or email me at ivana.poku@mumsjourney.com.
You’ve got this, my darling.
One decision at a time – or better yet, a lot less of them.
Your next read:
-
Why Mum Burnout Is NOT a Badge of Honour (And Why We Need to Stop Glorifying Sacrifice)
- How to Set Boundaries With Your Children Without Feeling Crushed by Mum Guilt
- How I Became More Patient With My Children (Without Meditation Or Yoga)
