Ivana Poku Do you ever feel like a bad mum?
You know those moments when you’re standing in the kitchen, sleep derpived, holding a crying baby in one arm, staring at the mess around you…. and suddenly a thought creeps in:
“I can’t do this anymore.”
Then comes the punch: “I’m not coping. I’m a horrible mum.”
Let’s stop right there.
Because here’s the truth: You are not a bad mum.
You are… well, a mum.
Why You Don’t Have to Feel Happy All the Time to Be a Good Mum
Somewhere along the line, we were sold this fantasy that a “good mum” is always grateful, patient, and glowing with love and joy.
But here’s what actually happens:
You love your baby but resent how your life has changed.
You adore your child but feel bored out of your mind some days.
You feel deeply grateful but also suffocated.
You’re surrounded by people but feel achingly alone.
And then you think, “What’s wrong with me?”
But I promise you, it’s not just you.
It never was and never will be.
Scary Mum Thoughts Are Normal (And That’s Good News)
I say this with so much love:
There is nothing you could feel as a mum that hasn’t been felt by millions of others.
Your darkest thoughts have already been thought. Your ugliest emotions have already been felt.
When you’re in the thick of it, believing that your thoughts are rare (and therefore shameful) is what isolates you the most – can can lead to severe mental health issues, including postpartum depression. (PPD)
When you realise they’re not special, it’s incredibly liberating.
Because You Think It Doesn’t Mean It’s True, Especially in Motherhood
Here’s something most mums don’t hear enough: Your thoughts are not truths. They are not verdicts on your character.
Feeling like you “don’t want to do this anymore” doesn’t mean you don’t love your kids. It means you’re exhausted and overwhelmed. That’s your mind and body trying to tell you something. (Most likely that you need more help and support.)
Feeling resentful of your partner, your baby, or your friends without kids doesn’t mean you’re a bad mum.
You don’t choose our thoughts (well, the majority of them anyway).
They rise up like waves – especially when we’re sleep-deprived, touched-out, and trying to hold it all together with a teething baby on one boob and toast in our hair.
Why Do Mums Feel So Guilty All the Time?
Because you care.
You feel guilty because you want to be a good mum.
You want to do it “right.” You want to give your kids the best.
Secondly, as a modern mum you are under a massive pressure.
You’re expected to raise emotionally intelligent kids, keep the house clean, eat organic, look presentable, stay calm, maintain a relationship, be financially responsible, and – somehow – enjoy every moment while doing it.
You feel guilty because you’ve been made to believe that being a good mum means never struggling, never snapping, and never needing a break.
And that’s a lie.
Somewhere along the line, you confused “feeling good” with “doing good.”
And those are two very different things.
You can feel like the worst mum in the world and still be doing an incredible job.
Mum Thoughts That Feel ‘Wrong’, But Are Completely Normal
If we’re being really honest, motherhood sometimes comes with thoughts that scare us.
Intrusive thoughts like, “What if I drop the baby?” or “What if I just ran away?” These are more common than you’d ever believe, and they don’t mean anything about your worth or your love.
They’re just thoughts. They pass.
And when we speak them out loud, their power shrinks.
That’s why it’s so important to know you’re not alone. To talk to other mums and reach out for help.
To hear someone say, “Oh my God, ME TOO.”
I will never forget the moment that hit me harder than I ever expected.
The twins were around three at the time. I had just come back from a few days away – my first proper break without the kids in what felt like forever.
I’d been looking forward to it so much. Time to sleep, relax, and to feel like me again.
But the second I walked through the front door, it was like a wave crashed over me. The noise. The chaos. The constant demands.
Within ten minutes, I was in the bathroom, door locked, sitting on the toilet lid with tears silently streaming down my face.
I didn’t even know why I was crying exactly…. I just felt overwhelmed, guilty for not being happy to be home, and angry that I felt that way at all.
And then that thought crept in:
“What’s wrong with me? What kind of mum regrets coming home to her children?”
But now I know better.
I know that kind of mum is a human mum. A loving mum. A stretched-to-her-limits mum.
And I also know this: Feeling like that doesn’t make you bad. It makes you honest. It makes you real. And the more we talk about it, the more we normalise it – for ourselves and for every other mum quietly wondering if she’s the only one.
You’re Not Broken, You’re a Mum Who Needs Support
You’re not broken. You’re not failing. You’re not the only one.
If there’s one message you take from this post, let it be this:
You’re not feeling this way despite being a mum. You’re feeling this way because you are one.
It’s like lifting weights – your arms shake not because you’re weak, but because you’re using your muscles. The shaking is part of the work. It means you’re doing it.
Same with motherhood.
The frustration, the rage, the boredom, the fear, the numbness… these are not signs that something’s wrong with you.
They’re signs that motherhood is hard and under-supported.
This isn’t about getting rid of the “bad” thoughts and feelings.
It’s about recognising the truth that this is what it looks like when you care deeply, love fiercely, and stretch yourself in ways you never have before.
Of course you feel it all. It’s not just okay. It’s expected.
You’re Doing Better Than You Think, Mum – Here’s Why
When a mum says, “Am I a bad mum for feeling this way?”
My answer is always:
“No. You’re a brave mum for admitting it out loud. And you’re creating safe space for other mums to do the same.”
The feelings you’re having are not proof that you’re “bad”…. they’re proof that you’re showing up. That you’re real. That you care.
So the next time that thought creeps in, try whispering back:
“This is normal and expected.”
Because it is.
If you find everything too overwhleming right now and want a deeper support, consider joining my FREE email course 7 days to easier mum life.
