Having a Baby Is Not a Joyful Experience

We’re often told that early motherhood is the happiest time of our lives.

So when a new mum doesn’t feel over the moon, the world labels her as “ungrateful” or even “crazy.”

But here’s the truth: that idea is harmful, and it’s one of the biggest reasons so many mums struggle in silence, feeling like they’re failing.

I know this because I’ve been there.

I went through postnatal depression, and I can tell you – those unrealistic expectations nearly broke me.

Yes, having a baby is a miracle. But that doesn’t mean it always feels magical.

Your body is sore.

Your hormones are all over the place.

You’re exhausted and learning how to keep a tiny human alive—while barely keeping yourself going.

And yet, everyone expects you to smile through it.

Let’s be real: early motherhood is messy. It’s lonely. It’s overwhelming. For some, it can even feel traumatic.

When people call a newborn a “bundle of joy,” it can sting—because your reality might look like endless tears (yours and the baby’s), sleepless nights, and the heavy weight of responsibility.

Joy doesn’t happen instantly. It takes time to grow as you heal and adjust.

Why?

Let’s take a look.

Why Being A New Mum Doesn’t Feel Magical

1. Your body is healing

You may be in pain, bleeding, sore from stitches or a C-section, or dealing with complications. Even if you had a “smooth birth,” your body has just done the hardest job of your life.

2. Your hormones are crashing

After birth, your hormone levels drop quickly. This sudden shift affects your emotions in a massive way. That’s why so many mums cry for “no reason” in the first few weeks – it’s your body, not a sign you’re failing.

3. You’re exhausted

Newborns wake every couple of hours, sometimes more.

Lack of sleep alone can make you feel like you’re losing your mind.

Add physical recovery on top?

It’s a recipe for exhaustion beyond anything you’ve ever felt.

4. Your identity shifts

Overnight, your old life is gone.

Even though you’re still YOU, you’ll never again be the version of yourself without a baby.

That’s a huge loss to process, and it’s natural to grieve that.

5. The responsibility feels crushing.

You’re suddenly responsible for keeping a tiny, helpless human alive.

That pressure can feel overwhelming and scary, especially when you’re still learning what your baby needs.

6. It’s lonely

Even if you’re surrounded by people, it can feel like no one really gets what you’re going through.

And when everyone around you keeps saying “enjoy it, it goes so fast,” it only makes you feel more guilty and alone.

Adjusting to motherhood takes time

Becoming a mum is a process.

It’s one of the biggest life changes you’ll ever go through.

And like any big change, it takes time to adjust.

Think about it:

You wouldn’t expect yourself to instantly feel at home if you moved to another country, left everyone you knew behind, and had to learn a completely new way of living.

You’d expect it to take time.

Motherhood is the same.

Only this time, you’re recovering from birth, running on no sleep, and looking after another human at the same time.

No wonder you feel the way you do.

So if you don’t feel joyful right now, let me say this clearly: You are normal.

It’s normal to struggle to cope.

It’s normal to miss your old life.

It’s normal to not feel like you anymore.

It’s normal to feel confused and lost.

All of this – and much more – is normal and common.

People just don’t talk about it.

None of this means you’re a bad mum.

It means you’re a mum.

Related posts:

• Ultimate Guide to Surviving the First 6 Months With a Newborn
• Why The Newborn Stage Is The Hardest (And How To Survive It)
• My Honest Postnatal Depression Story (And How I Recovered)

Finding Joy In Motherhood

Motherhood is messy. It’s tiring. It’s confusing. And sometimes, it’s painfully lonely.

But that doesn’t mean it will always feel this way. (It won’t.)

Love takes time to grow and develop.

It comes slowly, as you heal, as you get to know your baby, and as you find yourself again in this new role.

And please, don’t ever try to do it all alone.

We are not meant to raise babies alone.

We need our village, our supportive community.

Reach out if you’re struggling.

Whether it’s a friend, your partner, your GP, a fellow mum, or even a kind stranger online – it helps more than you can imagine to just say, “I’m struggling.”

And don’t forget, you still matter too!

Now more than ever.

Your wellbeing is just as important as your baby’s.

When you’re not ok, your baby won’t be ok either.

Let’s Choose Honesty

So, mama, let’s choose honest over pretending this season is “all magic.”

Let’s start telling the truth.

Because when we do, we make it easier – for ourselves and for every mum who comes after us.

When we choose honesty, we can create a world where no mum struggles in silence and feels like she’s failing.

Let’s do that, together.