Ivana Poku Media and society often portray early motherhood as the “most amazing time in a woman’s life.” As a result, new mums are automatically expected to be happy.
But what happens when they’re not?
When a new mum doesn’t feel that unrelenting joy, she’s often seen as ungrateful or even “crazy.” This perception is damaging and misleading, and it’s one of the reasons so many mums (and dads) around the world struggle in silence, feel like failures, and battle life-threatening mental health challenges.
As someone who personally experienced postnatal depression (PPD), I KNOW how toxic these unrealistic expectations can be. The truth is, while having a baby is amazing and miraculous on many levels, the process itself is not always joyful. In fact, it’s an emotional and physical upheaval.
Your body is healing, your hormones are raging, and your identity feels like it’s slipping through your fingers. You’re exhausted beyond belief, trying to keep a tiny human alive while barely surviving yourself. And yet, the world expects you to smile through it all.
Let’s stop pretending that early motherhood is magical. It’s messy. It’s lonely. It’s painful. And for some, it’s downright traumatic.
Calling a newborn a “bundle of joy” can feel like a slap in the face when your reality is sleepless nights, endless tears (yours and your baby’s), and the crushing weight of responsibility. Joy doesn’t come automatically. It takes time. It grows slowly as you adjust, heal, and rediscover yourself.
To every new mum out there feeling like you’re failing because you’re not enjoying this time: THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!
It’s okay to admit that this is hard (because it is). It’s okay to grieve your old life. This is a normal and natural process—just like it’s natural to feel grief when we lose someone we love.
Because even though you are still YOU, you DID lose the childless version of yourself. Whatever happens now, you will never not be a mum again. And you can’t expect to adjust to this overnight.
Just like you didn’t adjust to any other major life change overnight, becoming a mum is one of the biggest (if not the biggest) transformations of your life.
Give yourself permission to feel it all—the weight, the exhaustion, the stress, the loneliness.
Admitting that it’s hard and often far from enjoyable doesn’t mean you’re failing. If that was the case, that all mums out there would be failing.
If you feel like you’re not coping, or you even question if having a baby was a good choice, you are not broken. You are not ungrateful. You’re simply having normal, natural feelings of a new mum.
Don’t listen to the voice in your head that tells you otherwise.
And more importantly—you don’t need to pretend everything is perfect. Because it can’t be. And that’s okay.
The reality of early motherhood is that it can be both beautiful and brutally hard.
ALL mums have days where they’re overwhelmed, where they don’t feel like themselves, and where they struggle to see the light at the end of the tunnel. (That’s right, ALL mums.)
It’s also important to understand that you don’t have to go through this journey alone. And you shouldn’t. We are not supposed to do this alone.
Trying to do is exhausting and harmful.
Reach out for support, whether it’s a family member, friend, GP, therapist, a fellow mum ina baby group, stranger on the internet, or anyone else… just reach out.
Talking to someone you trust makes a WORLD of difference.
It’s also vital to have a compassion for yourself, even amidst the chaos. Especially amidst the chaos!
Self-love doesn’t need to be extravagant; sometimes it’s just about changing the self-talk or stopping the self-criticism.
Remember that your well-being matters just as much as your baby’s. In fact, the two are connected more than you might have thought.
So, dear mama…. Let’s stop pretending early motherhood is all magic and start embracing the reality.
Because by doing so, we make it much easier – for others and ourselves. We create a world where every mum feels supported, heard, and never made to feel like they’re failing.
Are you ready to change the conversation? Let’s make it happen—together.
With love,
Ivana xx
