Ivana Poku It sounds wild, doesn’t it?
Especially if you remember those early baby days when you were constantly sleep deprived and it was all about survival.
I used to think that was the most exhausted I would ever be.
The kind of tired that lives in your bones and never fully leaves.
And yet here I am.
Years later. With older kids. Somehow more tired than I was back then.
Not so much physically, but mentally.
Let me explain what I mean by that.
Why Parenting Older Kids Can Be Mentally Exhausting
When your children were babies, the exhaustion made sense.
You could explain it easily.
You were up all night, your body was recovering, and you were learning how to keep a tiny human alive while functioning on very little (or zero) sleep.
You were adjusting to a brand new life and had often no breaks or time for just You.
People expected you to be tired.
They checked in. They offered help. They told you to rest.
Now, life looks easier on paper.
The kids sleep through the night, they’re more independent, they’re at school for a good part of the day.
From the outside, it looks like you should be fine and long past the exhaustion stage.
But this stage of motherhood has a different kind of tiredness.
Quieter.
Heavier.
Harder to explain.
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The Mental Load of Parenting Older Kids
It’s not the physical exhaustion anymore.
It’s the mental one.
Your brain feels like it’s constantly juggling things, even when you’re sitting down doing nothing.
School forms, after-school clubs, who needs what tomorrow, what’s for dinner, what texts you need to respond to, whether you handled that moment well, whether you’re doing enough, or too much…
To me, these thoughts and worries tend to come at bedtime and often prevent me from sleeping.
The mental load of parenting older kids is relentless, and it never really switches off.
It’s like you’re overstimulated and constantly on alert.
Sleep Struggles Even When Kids Sleep Through the Night
Sleep was another surprise.
The kids sleep through the night now, which I thought would magically fix everything.
It didn’t.
Even today, they sometimes wake up in the middle of the night. They might have bad dreams, feel unwell, or just need me beside them.
(My 4 year old sleeps the best of them all! You can read more about how we managed to do that in the post How to get your baby sleep through the night.)
And even when they do sleep well at night, my mind often struggles to slow down.
I’ll lie there replaying conversations or thinking about what I need to do tomorrow (or next year), even when I’m DESPERATE for rest.
Tips for more energy as a mum of older kids
While everything I mentioned above is normal and expected in a way, there are ways you can boost your energy levels.
AND – these small changes can make all the difference in how you feel and, subsequently, in how you parent.
Here are my favourite ones:
- Vitamin supplements: This was a lifesaver for me! Having a balanced dose of vitamins every day is the foundation for energy.
- Coffee or tea: Of course, coffee is as much a comfort drink as it is energising, but it just makes me happy thinking about it in the morning. I used to get frustrated if my coffee went cold and I had to reheat it multiple times, or if I was in a rush and didn’t have time to drink it. Then I started using travel mugs, and I never looked back.
- Magnesium spray: Using a magnesium spray in the evening helps your body calm down and supports better sleep. I discovered this by total accident, but it makes a huge difference!
- Be organised, organised, organised: This is something I struggle with myself, but when I do get organised, it’s like a whole new world opens up. If you find it hard to be organised, I recommend a few tools to make things easier for you:
- Meal planning subscription to remove decision fatigue. If you are in the UK, I highly recommend Gousto. It saves you a LOT of time and ensure you have simple nutritious meals every night (or as often you like). Click here to see how it works.
- Digital planner to organise your schedule, track tasks, and clear your mind.
- Drink more water: I know you’ve heard this many times before, but drinking water (or herbal tea) impacts your energy levels much more than you might think. Aim for around 6 cups a day. If you don’t keep up every day, that’s fine! Just having the goal in mind often encourages you to drink more during the day.
- Get and accept help: Let’s be honest, sometimes we make life harder for ourselves than it needs to be. Don’t try to do everything on your own. It’s not feasible or needed.
- Listen to your favourite music: Especially in the morning! How you start the day sets the mood for the whole day, so make it count.
- Delegate small chores to older kids: I only started doing this when my boys were a bit older, and I regret not starting much earlier. Not only does it help you, but it also teaches them life skills and makes their future life easier.
- Have fun! As adults, we somehow forget to have fun. Life becomes all about performance with little time for joy. Unleash your inner child daily. Be silly and playful.
- Shift your focus: Don’t dwell too much on the tiredness and hard parts. What we focus on grows. Start giving more attention and energy to the things in your life you want more of, and you’ll be surprised at how well this works!
You’re Not Failing — This Stage Just Asks More
So if you’re feeling exhausted and thinking, I should be past this, please know you’re not alone.
There’s nothing wrong with you.
You’re not ungrateful.
You’re not failing at motherhood.
This stage simply asks a lot of you in quieter, more constant ways.
Sometimes help and support don’t come in big changes or dramatic self-care routines – sometimes all you need are small changes that make the biggest difference in the long run.
And if you want some extra help and tips for calmer and happier motherhood, join my FREE email course The Happy Mum Formula.
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