Ivana Poku I’ve started noticing this a while ago…
How mums apologise for everything.
“Sorry, would you mind…?”
“Sorry for moaning…”
“Sorry, I need your help…”
“Sorry, I don’t agree with you…”
“Sorry, may I ask…?”
Sound familiar?
We sprinkle “sorry” into our sentences like it’s a meaningless filler, almost like punctuation, but with feelings attached.
And while it might feel polite, have you ever stopped to think about what all that constant apologising is actually doing to you -and those around you?
Why Mums Say Sorry So Much
A lot of us grew up being taught to be “good girls.”
Polite. Quiet. Agreeable. Helpful. Avoiding conflict at all costs.
At the time, it seemed harmless. But once you become a mum, that habit can sneak into everything you do. And slowly, without realising it, it starts to chip away at something much bigger than manners—it chips away at your confidence, your voice, and your sense of self-worth.
“Sorry” becomes a default. A shield. A way to avoid confrontation.
But here’s the thing: every unnecessary “sorry” carries weight.
Every time you say it when it’s not needed, it whispers:
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You’re too much.
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Your feelings are inconvenient.
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Your needs don’t matter.
That’s heavy stuff to carry around while trying to raise tiny humans and survive on three hours of sleep.
And this is exactly why self-care for mums isn’t about bubble baths or spa days.
It’s about small, doable steps that help you stop running on empty and help you feel like YOU again.
That’s why I put together a FREE pdf with self-care tips for busy mums, packed with super simple ways you can look after yourself and your wellbeing, even if you have zero time!
Necessary vs. Unnecessary Sorry
Of course, there are times when saying sorry absolutely has its place and is a classy thing to do.
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You’ve hurt someone’s feelings.
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You’ve made a mistake.
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You genuinely inconvenienced someone.
Those “sorrys” are meaningful. They show empathy and accountability.
But I’m talking about the “sorry” that sneaks into your words even when you’re in the right.
That kind of sorry doesn’t help anyone.
That kind of sorry doesn’t help anyone. It makes you feel smaller, diminishes your voice, and makes the real apologies less genuine.
Related posts:
- Why Mum Burnout Is NOT a Badge of Honour
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Are Your Parenting Mistakes Really Hurting Your Kids? Let’s Get Real.
How Over-Apologising Affects Your Life as a Mum
Being a mum already comes with enough guilt and second guessing on its own.
So over apologising just adds fuel to the fire.
Here’s what it does:
1. Kids pick it up
You’ve heard this before, but kids really are little sponges. When they hear you saying sorry for everything, they start thinking: I’m too much. My needs are a problem. And eventually, they’ll do the same – apologising for things that aren’t their fault.
2. It confuses boundaries
Saying sorry for setting limits like bedtime rules, screen time limits, or “no more sweets” sends mixed messages. Your child might hear, This boundary is annoying and maybe even wrong. It makes it harder for them to respect rules and easier for them to push back.
3. It fuels mum guilt
Constantly apologising makes you feel like you’re failing at every little thing. Missed a nap? Sorry. Forgot to wash that cup? Sorry. Told your toddler “no” for the fifth time? Sorry. Your brain starts running on a loop of “I’m not doing enough.”
4. It weakens your voice
If you’re always softening your words with “sorry,” your kids might not take your instructions seriously. It’s harder to be firm when every “no” or “stop that” is diluted with an unnecessary apology.
5. It steals your confidence
Motherhood is tough, and constantly apologising chips away at your belief that you’re doing an amazing job. You start questioning your instincts and feeling like you always have to shrink to make life “easier” for everyone else.
How to Break the Habit
The first step is awareness. Notice when your “sorry” reflex kicks in. Ask yourself:
Do I really need to say sorry here, or am I just trying to shrink myself to make someone else comfortable?
Here are some practical swaps you can start using today:
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Instead of “Sorry, I need help,” try: “I need help with this.”
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Instead of “Sorry for moaning,” try: “I need to vent for a minute.”
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Instead of “Sorry, I disagree,” try: “I see it differently.”
It might feel awkward at first.
Well, it will feel awkward at first.
But the more you do it, the sooner it become second nature.
Remember: your voice matters.
You never have to apologise for saying no, for needing help, or taking up space in your own home and family.
Stop Shrinking Yourself as a Mum
Motherhood can be hard enough without constantly shrinking yourself to make everyone else comfortable.
You don’t need to apologise for:
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Having feelings
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Needing boundaries
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Needing a break
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Doing things differently from other mums
Your voice is important. Your feelings are important. Your life is important.
And it’s about time you let that be heard – without a “sorry” tacked onto it.
So next time that reflex kicks in, pause and ask yourself: Am I apologising out of habit, or out of necessity?
Because motherhood is not about shrinking.
It’s about showing up, loudly, proudly, and unapologetically for yourself and your kids.
And if you want help putting this into practice grab my FREE self-care guide for busy mums to support you through it.
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