Ivana Poku Do you often feel guilty or not being good enough?
Don’t worry, you are not alone!
You are not alone in either of these states – in not being a perfect mum, as well as feeling bad about it.
Quite interesting when you think about it, isn’t it? That none of us are perfect and yet, we all feel bad about it.
It’s like feeling bad about not having four hands. (Although frankly, they would probably come in more handy than perfection. ;))
Anyway, I hear this a lot when working with mums.
I am not good enough…
I am not doing a good job…
I am failing my children…
My kids deserve better…
Oh, dear… Where has this all come from?
(I have an idea but that is a whole different subject. :))
The question is, what can we do about it? How can we change the way we feel about our parenting? About ourselves?
The answer is simpler than you might have thought.
Let me ask you: have you ever tried to explore why you believe perfection is a good thing?
Think about it.
We are constantly flooded by the attempts for perfection from other people that we blindly follow without even questioning if it is good or bad for us. Everyone does it, so it must be good – which is what our subconscious allows us to think and believe.
Well, guess what, my darling.
It definitely is not the case.
Furthermore, it is not good for our children.
Here’s why.
Remember that our children largely copy our behaviour, so it’s important to model the behaviour we want our children to exhibit.
If we did everything perfectly or ‘in the right way’ – how do you think this would impact your children? What would they take away from it?
They could grow up believing that making mistakes is not ok… They could live in a bubble and struggle later on in life surrounded by people who do not strive for perfection… They could perceive every little mistake they make as a failure… They could get to the point where they struggle with self-esteem… They could also experience serious issues in relationships due to being too hard on themselves (just like you are now?) …
And the list does not end here…
This is not what you want.
Also, remember that children pick up on our energy more than you may realise (and more than they realise). So if you constantly beat yourself up for not being perfect, what will they take away from it?
They won’t remember you as a ‘mum who is not good enough’. They will remember you as a mum who is stressed.
Perfection in any relationship creates distance rather than a bond. It misses the human aspect. It misses genuine connection.
Realising this has stopped any of my attempts to be perfect. Just like that.
Instead of giving the example of being perfect, I teach my boys how to deal with mistakes. How to face the consequences and find a solution.
That some failures are just opportunities to really learn to be better than could imagine.
Because at the end of the day, all we want is for them is to be happy, isn’t it?
So please, take the pressure off yourself now and enjoy life and its perfect imperfections.
For we are not supposed to be perfect. We are supposed to make mistakes, learn from them, work on ourselves, and grow.
What ways have you used to let go of the need to be a perfect mum? Let me know in the comments! xx
