Ivana Poku Do you often feel guilty or like you’re not a good enough mum?
You are not alone feeling line this.
Feeling “not perfect” is incredibly common.
Every mum I have spoken to in the past 9 years, struggled with feelings of not being enough to some extent.
And yet, it’s something we hardly talk about.
Crazy, isn’t it?
None of us are perfect, and yet we beat ourselves up for it.
I hear it all the time from mums:
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“I’m not good enough…”
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“I’m failing my children…”
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“My kids deserve better…”
So, where does this come from?
And more importantly – how can you stop feeling like you’re failing and finally start appreciating yourself for the AMAZING job you do?
Why the Pressure to Be a Perfect Mum is Harmful
Here’s the truth: striving for perfection isn’t just unrealisticm it’s bad for both you and your children.
Think about it.
Our children learn by copying our behaviour.
If we model perfectionism:
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They will likely grow up believing mistakes are unacceptable.
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They might struggle with self-esteem when things don’t go perfectly.
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They could develop anxiety or relationship issues from being too hard on themselves.
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They may fear trying new things because they worry about failing.
And there’s more…
Children also pick up on our energy.
If you’re constantly beating yourself up for not being perfect, your kids don’t see a “mum who isn’t good enough.”
They see a stressed mum. And stress, not guilt, is what sticks.
Perfection doesn’t create connection, it creates distance.
It misses the human aspect of motherhood and genuine bonding.
The Origins of Perfectionism
Perfectionism doesn’t come from nowhere.
Many of us absorb it from:
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Social media and comparison culture: Seeing every mum post perfect meals, tidy homes, and happy kids sets unrealistic expectations.
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Family and society: Messages like “do better” or “be responsible” get internalised.
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Our own experiences: Perhaps we were perfectionists as children or had high-achieving parents.
The tricky part is, we often don’t even question these messages.
We just adopt them subconsciously and let them run our lives on autopilot.
How to Change Your Mindset
The good news? You can change how you feel about motherhood – and yourself.
Here’s how I started:
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Question the idea of perfection: Ask yourself, “Why do I believe I must do this perfectly?”
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Reframe mistakes as opportunities: When something goes wrong, instead of feeling like a failure, see it as a learning moment. There’s no growth without learning. And there’s not life without growth.
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Model healthy coping for your children: Show them how to face challenges calmly, apologise if needed, and find solutions.
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Focus on connection: Real bonding happens in the messy, imperfect moments, like baking cookies that burn or stepping on Lego.
Real-Life Example
Instead of trying to be perfect, I teach my boys how to handle mistakes.
For instance:
My son spills water. Instead of scolding, I say: “It’s okay, mistakes happen. Let’s clean it up together and be more careful next time.”
These are simple moments, but they teach resilience, responsibility, and problem-solving – things no amount of perfection could give them.
Let Go of Mum Guilt Today
Perfectionism is exhausting and unachievable.
It’s like setting yourself up for a failure.
Like starting a task you know you’ll never accomplish.
It keeps you anxious, stressed, and disconnected from the joy of motherhood (and often from your kids).
So remind yourself:
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You are doing your best. That’s all you need to do.
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Mistakes are a natural part of life. Everyone makes them.
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Your children don’t need a perfect mum. They need you.
So, take the pressure off yourself right now.
Embrace life and its perfect imperfections.
That’s when you start to truly LIVE and feel happy.
Perfection would never bring you happiness.
Perfection would never bring you happiness. It only brings stress, guilt, and that nagging feeling that you’re “not enough.”
We’re not here to be perfect.
We’re here to make mistakes, learn, grow, and show our children how to do the same.
What strategies have you used to let go of the need to be a perfect mum?
Share your tips in the comments, I’d love to hear them!
