Ivana Poku I started feeling it some time ago.
That heavy feeling in my chest when I realised my children were growing up too fast.
It didn’t hit all at once.
It showed up in quiet little moments.
Like when I kissed them goodnight and stroked their heads as they were falling asleep, I would feel tearful and almost panicky at the thought that they would grow up one day.
That I would lose this.
That they wouldn’t ask me to do bedtime with them.
That they wouldn’t need me as much anymore.
That we wouldn’t do cuddles and kisses a million times a day.
It felt like someone was ripping my heart out.
I couldn’t make my peace with the fact this would be gone one day.
Sure, on a logical level, I knew that it was normal for them to grow up.
That it’s a privilege to watch your children growing up.
That our relationship might get even better then.
My head knew all this.
But my heart didn’t feel it.
Some days, I would be absolutely fine, but some days I would be teary.
Over time, it became more and more frustrating as I realised that by being sad about the future, I wasn’t enjoying the present with my kids.
I also didn’t want to be one of those obsessed mothers who can’t let go of their children.
So I was determined to find a way to stop feeling sad about them growing up.
And luckily, I eventually did.
Today, I want to share with you exactly how.
But first, hello!
My name is Ivana, and I run MumsJourney – a blog dedicated to supporting mums through every stage of their motherhood journey.
I’m also the author of Motherhood: The Unspoken, an award-winning maternal mental health advocate. and mentor.
After giving birth to my twins in 2016, I experienced severe postpartum depression.
It was the hardest time of my life, but it also showed me how much there is to motherhood people don’t talk about and how many mums don’t get the support they need.
Since then, I’ve made it my mission to help other mums feel heard, supported, and less alone.
In this post, I cover:
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How to cope when your kids growing up feels heartbreaking
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A simple but powerful exercise that eases nostalgia and mum guilt
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A fresh perspective that helps you enjoy the present stage of motherhood, and look forward to what’s next
How to Cope When Your Kids Growing Up Feels Heartbreaking
The first shirt in my perspective came one day, out of the blue, when I realised I am doing this about me.
When in fact, it’s about them.
I realised I don’t own my children, and how selfish I am when I don’t want them to grow up.
Remember how excited we were to grow up as kids?
It was a great mixture of expectations, the unknown, hopes and dreams.
It’s a beautiful stage we as parents are supposed to celebrate and enjoy.
The moment I shifted my focus to them rather than me, a whole new world opened up.
I decided then that instead of feeling sad about what isn’t anymore, I would enjoy and celebrate what is.
Every stage of their journey. Our journey.
Because every stage comes with its own beauty. Yes, challenges too, but also beauty and joy.
This is what we often miss.
We focus too much on the good things from the past, that we miss the good things right in front of us.
I also feel excited about watching them grow.
Not just physically, but to witness them gathering experiences, shaping opinions, developing friendships, dealing with challenges, creating, loving, making a difference.
There’s SO MUCH to look forward to!
One of my all-time favourite quotes says, “Don’t cry that the sun goes down, because the tears won’t let you see the stars.”
It is pretty much what this is.
The good is not going away. There’s just new good. Different good.
It’s a huge privilege to see the good changing and reshaping over time.
If it stayed static, that would be sad.
The Truth About Nostalgia for Your Child’s Early Years
Also, remember that them being small wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows.
Your brain has this clever way of protecting you: it slowly erases the hard parts and keeps the happy memories on replay.
That’s why, when you look back, it feels like everything was perfect, even though at the time you were exhausted, overwhelmed, and just trying to get through the day.
What you’re seeing now is your memory’s highlight reel, not the full story.
Related post:
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Why Trying to Be a Perfect Parent Is Ruining Your Life (And How to Stop)
- How To Be A Great Mum
- For Every Mum Feeling Exhausted And Snappy – Read This Before You Burn Out
How Creating memories Helps Ease The Sadness About Children Growing Up
I got this advcie from a 91 year old lady, and boy was she right!
Creating memories helps us cope with all kinds of loss, whether it’s children growing up or losing someone we love.
The best thing you can do right now is create memories!
And I don’t mean you have to go 110% and make every day “magical.”
It’s all about the little moments: having a snuggle, watching a show together, laughing, sharing a bedtime chat…
Magic lives in the small moments, not the “big” events.
And once your kids grow up, looking back on these little moments will mean EVERYTHING.
It will also help you cope so much better in the present.
I also highly recommend capturing these memories in a way that works for you.
For me, it’s photo books and memory boxes.
When our twins were one, my sister made a gorgeous photobook filled with memories and pictures from their first year.
At the time, it didn’t feel particularly emotional, but looking at it now? It’s absolutely incredible.
We often go through the book with the boys at bedtime.
They ask for stories, and we talk about what it was like when they were tiny.
I promise, having the pictures in physical form makes a HUGE difference – it’s not remotely the same as scrolling through photos on your phone.
How Writing a Letter to Your Future Self Can Ease Mum Guilt
Another thing I suggest is to write a letter to the future You.
I did this a few years ago that helped massively to lift the sadness when I look back at when my kids were younger.
The thing is, when we look back, we often only remember the good stuff.
Our brain filters out the exhaustion, the endless nappies, the sleepless nights, and the chaos we lived through.
In hindsight, it all looks like a bed of roses and often leaves us with guilt that we didn’t enjoy it more.
So, here’s what I did.
On one of the hard days, I wrote a letter to my future self.
The self who would one day be sad and miss this stage of motherhood.
In the letter, I reminded myself of everything that is currently hard and that I definitely WON’T miss – the tantrums, the 3 a.m. wake-up calls, the feeling of never having a moment to myself.
But I also wrote about what to enjoy right now, in the future – more freedom, new experiences with the kids, sharing jokes they are now too young to understand, first grandchild… and so much more.
This letter works as a masgical reminder that sets me straight.
When I feel that pang of nostalgia or guilt, I read it.
And I remember – it wasn’t all a bed of roses.
I remember the stress and exhaustion my brain had blocked out and realise there is so much to look forward to in the future.
I talk more about how to cope with motherhood stress here:
- How to feel less stressed as a mum (even when life is a lot)
- When motherhood feels overwhleming (8 ways to help you cope)
- How honest can stop mum burnout and save your sanity
Final thoughts – How I stopped feeling sad about my kids growing up ‘too fast’
So to sum it up, growing up is beautiful.
It’s like watching a rose grow into its full beauty.
You wouldn’t feel sad if the rose blossomed, would you?
So why be sad when our kids blossom?
It’s a miracle. A magic of life.
And I feel incredibly privileged to witness it.
And here’s the beautiful thing I’ve realised: the more I lean into the present, the more memories we make.
The more I stop gripping tightly onto what was, the more space I create for what is becoming.
Of course, I still feel that ache sometimes.
It’s normal. It’s human.
But it doesn’t drag me down anymore.
I remind myself that we’re growing together.
Motherhood is a constant letting go and becoming at the same time.
I know I won’t be the centre of their universe forever.
But I don’t even want to be.
Not in the same way, anyway.
Because I know I will always be their mum – no one will ever replace that.
I’ll be their safe place and their anchor. The one they come back to when life gets noisy or hard.
Isn’t that amazing?
I know that they won’t ever love me less.
The love will simply expand, transform and be more rooted over time.
So if you’re reading this and you’re in that messy, teary place, feeling like your babies are slipping through your fingers, just remind yourself: this isn’t the end. It’s just the beginning.
Their growth isn’t a loss. It’s a blooming.
You don’t lose them – you grow with them.
So today, I choose to cherish the bedtime hugs and kisses.
But I also choose to look forward to the big conversations, the car rides filled with their music, the laughter over shared jokes they wouldn’t understand now, the wisdom they’ll share, the adventures we haven’t even imagined yet.
I choose to honour the past and feel excited about the future.
Because what’s ahead is full of magic.
And I’ll be right here for all of it.
Present. Soft. Steady. Unbreakable.
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