Ivana Poku Are you thinking about bottle feeding your baby but feeling like that somehow makes you a bad mum?
If yes, I want you to pause for a second and breathe.
Because this feeling is more common than you think.
In fact, if you’re in those first exhausting months and wondering how to just survive, I wrote a full guide on how to cope in the post How to survive the newborn stage (a first time mum’s guide to the first 6 months).
So many mums feel guilty about bottle feeding. They sit there feeling torn, exhausted, and confused. Part of them wants relief. Part of them knows something has to change. But then guilt shows up and makes them feel like they are failing.
If that is you right now, please hear this:
Not because you are struggling to breastfeed or because you are thinking about stopping.
And definitely not because you are considering a bottle.
Why so many mums feel guilty about bottle feeding
People love asking pregnant women if they are planning to breastfeed.
But hardly anyone talks honestly about how hard breastfeeding can be.
They do not tell you that it does not always happen naturally.
They do not tell you that it can take time, support, patience, and a whole lot of tears.
And they definitely do not tell you that breastfeeding and mental health can become deeply connected.
So when it does not go smoothly, many mums assume the problem is them.
It is not.
Breastfeeding is a skill. It does not always click straight away. And sometimes, even when you try your absolute hardest, it still feels impossible.
That does not make you weak.
And it does not make you a bad mum.
My story of struggling to breastfeed twins
I know this because I have lived it.
When my twins were born, they stayed in the NICU. I had a choice. I could stay there with them until they were strong enough to come home, or I could go home and visit every day.
But staying in the hospital meant all four of us being in a tiny room with no window.
I am claustrophobic, so even thinking about it made me panic.
Still, I was told that if I wanted to breastfeed, it would be best to stay so the babies could start latching as soon as possible.
My instincts were screaming no.
But I ignored them, because I thought saying no would make me a bad mum.
So I stayed.
And those two weeks were some of the hardest of my life.
When breastfeeding starts affecting your mental health
I cried almost constantly.
The babies would not latch.
I spent day and night trying to get them to feed.
When the midwives saw it was not happening, they suggested offering a bottle. But I refused. In my mind, bottle feeding meant failure.
One night, my husband woke up and found me trying to feed one twin while the other cried beside me. I had tears streaming down my face. He begged me to stop and offer a bottle.
But I could not do it.
I was convinced that suffering through it was better than giving up.
That is how powerful bottle feeding guilt can be.
At one point, I started having intrusive thoughts about hurting my children.
I was clearly not okay.
But I did not connect the dots. I thought I simply had to try harder.
Combination feeding, shame, and the pressure to keep going
Eventually, the boys started to latch.
But by then, my mental health had already taken a serious hit.
I also was not producing enough milk, so we ended up combination feeding. That did not sit well with me either, but I physically could not feed them until they were full.
Even then, the guilt did not leave me alone.
I remember speaking to another mum of twins who told me there was no such thing as not producing enough milk, and that I just had to put them on more often.
That comment crushed me.
When you are already hanging by a thread, advice like that does not feel helpful. It feels like proof that you are failing.
So I kept going and struggling.
You may also like:
- When Does Motherhood Get Easier? (The Honest Truth)
- Postnatal Anxiety Explained: Why You Feel Constantly On Edge After Birth
- Postpartum Mental Health: What’s Normal, What’s Not, and When to Ask for Help
- How to Survive the Newborn Stage (A First-Time Mum’s Guide to the First 6 Months)
Stopping breastfeeding was not failure
I breastfed for almost a year while struggling with severe postpartum depression, suicidal thoughts, and thoughts about hurting my children.
Then I hit rock bottom.
And I knew I needed to stop.
So I did.
And it felt incredibly liberating.
Yes, the guilt was there at first, but it faded fast.
I could breathe again and enjoy my babies more and that was stronger than guilt.
Stopping breastfeeding did not make me a bad mum.
It helped me be a much better one.
What to do if you are struggling to breastfeed
If you are struggling to breastfeed right now, here are a few things I want you to remember.
1. Be honest about how you really feel
Ask yourself the hard question:
How am I actually doing?
Not how you think you should be doing.
Not what you tell other people.
How are you really feeling?
Are you crying a lot?
Dreading every feed?
Feeling anxious, trapped, numb, or overwhelmed?
You need to tell yourself the truth before you can make the right decision.
2. Notice what is driving your decision
Do you want to keep breastfeeding because it feels right for you?
Or are you only continuing because you feel guilty about bottle feeding?
That matters.
There is a huge difference between continuing from a place of calm determination and continuing because shame has backed you into a corner.
If guilt is the only thing keeping you going, it is time to pause and think.
3. Remember that your wellbeing matters too
Sure, your baby needs feeding.
But your baby also needs you.
A mum who is emotionally present and happy.
Who is not falling apart behind closed doors.
Your wellbeing is not a side note.
It matters deeply.
4. Stop treating bottle feeding like failure
Bottle feeding is not failure.
It is feeding your baby.
That is it.
It does not mean you love your baby any less.
Sometimes the healthiest choice for both mum and baby is to stop breastfeeding and protect your mental health.
That is not weakness, this is smart.
5. Trust your instincts
People will always have opinions.
Some will mean well, some will say things that make you feel ten times worse.
But they do not know what this is costing you.
You do.
So if your gut is telling you that something needs to change, listen to it.
Your instincts matter.
What your baby really needs most
Let me say this clearly:
Your baby does not just need breastmilk.
What your baby needs the most is your happiness.
Your baby needs comfort, connection, calm, and care.
And yes, food matters.
But so does having a mum who is okay.
So if breastfeeding is affecting your mental health, please do not ignore that.
You matter too.
If I could go back, I would do things differently
If I could travel back in time, I would probably have stopped after a month or two.
Or wouldn’t have started at all.
And it would have saved me so much pain.
I would have spent less time crying and more time enjoying my babies.
And that is why I am sharing this with you now.
Because I do not want you to suffer in silence just because you think stopping breastfeeding means failing.
If you feel that’s the right choice for you and your baby, then it definitely is.
From one mum to another
If you are struggling to breastfeed and your gut is telling you to stop, listen to it.
If bottle feeding would protect your mental health, choose it.
If guilt is the only thing keeping you going, question that.
Please remember this:
Your baby needs a well mum more than a perfect feeding story.
You are doing an amazing job.
And sometimes the best thing you can do is let go of the thing that is hurting you.
You’ve got this mama!
And if you need more support for the hard parts of motherhood, join my FREE email course Postpartum Survival Toolkit. You’ll learn easy tips to make life with a baby much easier and more enjoyable!
FAQs
1. Does bottle feeding make me a bad mum?
Not at all. Feeding your baby, whether it’s breast or bottle, is what matters. Your baby just wants a fed, happy mum -not a perfect feeding story.
2. What if I feel really guilty about stopping breastfeeding?
That’s normal. Guilt is tricky, but it doesn’t mean you are failing. Your mental health matters, and a happy, relaxed mum helps your baby more than stress or tears.
3. Can I mix breast and bottle feeding?
Absolutely! Combination feeding is super common. Some feeds breast, some bottle – both are fine. The goal is a fed baby and a mum who isn’t running on fumes.
4. How do I know if I should stop breastfeeding?
Listen to your gut. If breastfeeding is hurting your mental health, making you cry or anxious, or you just feel done, it’s okay to stop. You are still a great mum.
5. Will my baby be okay if I switch to bottle feeding?
Yes! Babies thrive on love, care, and comfort first. Milk is important, but your wellbeing is even more important. A happy, calm mum helps your baby feel safe and loved.
6. How can I stop feeling guilty after switching to bottle feeding?
Give yourself a break. Remind yourself that feeding your baby safely and protecting your health is smart, not selfish. Talking to other mums or a supportive friend can also help.
