Returning to Work After Maternity Leave When You’re Not Ready

Returning to work after maternity leave can feel like your heart is being ripped in two.

You’re counting down the days with a heavy heart, wondering how you’ll leave your sweet baby behind – and whether you’ll make it through without falling apart.

The mix of excitement and fear can be hard to manage.

Going back to work after baby isn’t just about childcare or schedules.

It’s about leaving a tiny human you grew, birthed, and nurtured – often for the very first time.

About the icy fear that your baby will need you and you won’t be there.

About the sadness that life is moving forward too fast, and you’re not ready.

In this post, I share how you can survive this big milestone and take the edge off.

But first, let me introduce myself.

My name is Ivana, and I’m the founder of MumsJourney – a blog dedicated to supporting mums through every stage of their motherhood journey. I’m also the author of Motherhood: The Unspoken and an award-winning maternal mental health advocate and mentor.

After giving birth to my twins in 2016, I experienced severe PPD. It was the hardest time of my life, but it also showed me how much there is to motherhood that people don’t talk about and how many mums don’t get the support they need.

Since then, I’ve made it my mission to help other mums feel heard, supported, and less alone.

In this post, I cover:

Why new mums often feel anxious, sad, or scared about returning to work
How to ease the transition back to work after maternity leave
Tips on writing a return-to-work letter that reflects your needs and boundaries

Let’s dive right in!

Why Returning to Work After Maternity Can Make You Feel Depressed

People often say, “You’ll be fine once you settle in.”

But that can feel dismissive.

The pain is real, and here’s why:

Separation anxiety (yours, not just baby’s): Your chest aches at the thought of leaving them.
The guilt: Are you abandoning them? Will they feel unloved?
The fear of the unknown. A natural fear of something new and unknown.
The loss of control: At home, you decide how things run. At work, you have deadlines and pressure.

This cocktail of sadness, guilt, and fear can leave you feeling like you’re drowning.

But this isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign you care deeply.

So first and foremost, you need to acknowledge what you’re feeling.

Your emotions aren’t bad, and they’re not something to “get over” or “fix”.

They’re a natural part of transitioning into a new chapter of life.

Big changes come with big feelings.

The key is to meet them with compassion, not criticism.

Top Tips for Returning to Work After Maternity Leave

So no, you don’t need a long-term plan or to “fix” your feelings completely.

What you need is relief from the sadness and anxiety you’re feeling today – so it doesn’t take over your daily life or grow into something more serious, like a mental health issue.

Remember: even tiny actions can make a big difference.

1. Name Your Feeling Out Loud

Say it: I’m scared to leave my baby. I’m heartbroken. I’m anxious.

Naming feelings helps you distance yourself from them and takes their power away.

Say it out loud and enjoy part of the weight being lifted immediately.

2. Make your piece with the “negative” emotions

The more you try to fight an emotion, the stronger it becomes.

(Remember the time you tried not to fall for the wrong guy? Yeah… that never works.)

Accept that returning to work will feel uncomfortable for a while.

It’s supposed to.

You’re not a robot, you’re a loving mum with feelings.

We often see sadness, guilt, or fear as “bad,” but they all have a role to play.

The sooner you stop fighting them, the less control they’ll have over you.

3. Find your ground again

When panic rises, take a moment to ground yourself in whatever way works best for you.

One of the simplest and most effective tools is positive affirmations.

You can try these powerful 19 affirmations to calm your mind I put together for you.

Surviving the Return to Work After Maternity Leave

Once you’ve found a little relief, here’s what will make the transition less brutal long term:

1. Reframe the Story

How we think about a situation shapes how we feel about it.

Changing your story can change your whole experience

Instead of “I’m abandoning my baby,” try:

“I’m showing my baby resilience.”
“I’m modelling to them that you don’t need physical presence to feel loved.”
“I’m teaching them (and myself) independence.”
“My brain tells me I’m abandoning my baby, but I choose not to believe it.”
“I know that having some time apart will allow us to have more quality time together.”
I will be more relaxed when I have some space and do something just for me.

You can create your own, but it needs to resonate with you.

Reframing the story is super powerful.

Remember the situation is never the problem, it’s our perception the situation.

2. Simplify Your Life

Pick shortcuts unapologetically and make things easier for yourself.

Meal prep or batch cook at weekends.
Use grocery delivery.
Lower house standards
And most importantly – ask for help like it’s your job!

Remember that asking for help is not weakness, it’s smart.

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3. Talk to Your Employer

Remember, employers want you to succeed too.

Opening up honestly can help them support you better.

Having an open conversation with them can make your return much smoother, emotionally and practically.

Don’t be afraid to share your feelings with them.

You might be surprised at how much support you can get by being honest.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you can also ask about flexible options like:

A phased return (easing back in gradually)
Remote days (even one can make a big difference)
Adjusted hours (earlier finishes or later starts)

There are always solutions and options, the key is to communicate honestly and openly – with your employer and with yourself.

4. Connect With Other Working Mums

Sometimes just hearing someone say “me too” makes a big difference.

Find other mums who are also going back to work.

You can look for local mum groups, meet-ups, or even join online communities.

It helps so much to talk to someone who understands how you’re feeling.

Writing a Return to Work After Maternity Leave Letter

A lot of mums look online for a return-to-work letter because it feels like the very first step in leaving their baby behind.

But it doesn’t have to be scary or complicated.

Here’s how to keep it simple:

Start with something positive – thank your employer for the maternity leave and support.
Say clearly when you’ll be coming back to work.
If you need any flexibility, like a slow return, working from home, or shorter hours, mention it and explain why.
Let them know you’re committed and ready to get back to work.
Keep it short and to the point – just one paragraph or a short page is perfect.

Example:

“Dear [Manager’s Name],
I hope you’re well. I’m writing to confirm my return to work after maternity leave on [date]. I truly appreciate all the support I’ve received during my leave and look forward to rejoining the team. As discussed, I’ll start with [flexible arrangement if applicable]. Many thanks for your understanding and support.”

A clear letter can ease the mental load and make the transition smoother.

If Going Back To Work After Maternity Leave Feels Too Much

You are not alone in feeling lost.

Many mums face this, and reaching out is a brave and important step.

If you want some extra support and tips for calmer and happier motherhood, check out my FREE email course The Happy Mum Formula.

Also, don’t be afraid to lean on your partner, family, or friends – even if it feels a little uncomfortable at first.

I know it’s hard to talk about how you feel, but it’s even harder when you don’t.

Asking for help means you’re looking after yourself and your baby in the best way you can.

You’re an incredible mum and never doubt that!

Final Word

The sadness and fear of going back to work after having a baby can feel crushing.

You might cry more than you ever imagined and worry you’re falling apart.

But here’s the truth: you are not broken.

You are a mum facing one of the biggest transitions in life – and you’re doing it with strength and courage.

Your baby doesn’t need you every minute of the day.

In fact, it wouldn’t do them any good – and it wouldn’t be good for you either.

You both need some time apart to grow, learn, and thrive in your own ways.

So be gentle with yourself. This is hard, but you’re doing an incredible job.

Take it one day at a time.

You’re stronger than you think, and every step you take is a step forward – for you and your baby.

If you have any questions, feel free to drop them below – I’ll reply as soon as I can.

Your next read:

FAQs About Returning to Work After Maternity Leave

1. Is it normal to feel guilty about returning to work after maternity leave?

Yes, completely. Many mums feel guilt, sadness, or anxiety when leaving their baby for the first time. These feelings are a normal part of transitioning into a new routine and don’t mean you’re a bad mum.

2. How long does it take to adjust after returning to work post-baby?

Every mum is different, but it typically takes a few weeks to a couple of months to settle into a new rhythm. Be patient with yourself—adjustment is a process, not a switch.

3. How can I manage anxiety about leaving my baby?

Start with short separations, create comfort rituals, talk about your feelings, and consider seeking professional support if anxiety becomes overwhelming. You’re not alone, and there is help available.

4. What should I include in a return-to-work letter after maternity leave?

Keep it short and professional. Include your return date, any flexible working requests, and a note of thanks for the support during your leave.

5. Can I ask for flexible working after maternity leave?

Yes! You can formally request flexible hours, a phased return, or remote working. Many employers are open to these arrangements, especially when approached with honesty and a clear plan.

6. What if I don’t feel ready to return to work after maternity leave?

That’s okay. If possible, talk to your employer about adjusting your return date or hours. If the feelings persist, it might be worth speaking to a GP or mental health professional for extra support.

Returning to Work After Maternity Leave When You’re Emotionally Not Ready

Why Returning to Work After Maternity Can Make You Feel Depressed