Ivana Poku When does it get easier?
It’s what every new mum asks.
Many mums of older kids say, never.
And while I’ve never liked that answer, the older my boys get, the more I understand exactly what they mean.
While I am convinced — and forever will be — that the postpartum stage is the most brutal (I explain why in the article Why the newborn stage is the hardest), the truth is that every stage comes with new challenges.
New worries.
And new joys — we mustn’t forget that.
Helping Children Deal with Rude Kids
As I write this, my twins are 9.
This is the age when the soft wool I’ve wrapped them in since birth has to start loosening.
That wool protected them from the sharp edges of the world.
From cruelty, judgement, and unkindness.
But this is the stage when those edges start to appear.
A little backstory…
The boys recently joined a football team.
And this week, they came home and casually told me that some players swore at them when they didn’t play “well”.
They said it almost in passing.
I didn’t.
As they talked, my initial instinct went full feral mama bear.
I wanted to pull my boys out of the club, and wrap them back under my wings where nothing and no one can hurt them.
But then I felt it, deep in my bones.
It was time.
Time to let them see that the world isn’t always kind.
That not everyone is fair.
That some people project their own frustrations onto others.
Not because I want them to experience this, but because shielding them forever would cost them something far greater.
Their resilience, their confidence, their ability to stand tall when life isn’t gentle.
I won’t pretend this was easy to accept. It wasn’t.
But I know this moment matters.
It’s another layer in the foundation we’ve been building for years — helping them grow into boys who can navigate the world without losing themselves in it.
Supporting your child — without overprotecting
To help myself cope, I did some research on how parents can support children through moments like this.
Here’s what I learned:
1. Remember that children dealing with rude kids often bounce back faster than we expect
Kids can be surprisingly good at letting stuff roll off them. They don’t always attach meaning the way we do.
To them, it can be:
“Ugh, that kid’s annoying” → snack → football → life goes on.
To us, it’s:
“Why would anyone say that? Are they OK? Will this scar them forever? Should I email the school?”
Keep this in mind when you respond. Your words can teach them perspective and resilience without overthinking.
2. Separate your pain from their experience
This part is huge.
Ask yourself:
-
Are they distressed… or am I distressed for them?
-
Are they changing behaviour, confidence, mood?
-
Or are they genuinely brushing it off?
If they’re coping, your job shifts from fixing to supporting.
Remember: feeling upset doesn’t mean they’re harmed, it means you’re a mum.
A loving, caring mum.
Related posts:
- How to Create a Custom Children’s Photobook: Easy Step-by-Step Tutorial
- How I Became More Patient With My Children (Without Meditation Or Yoga)
- Are Your Parenting Mistakes Really Hurting Your Kids? Let’s Get Real.
3. What actually helps them (more than us going full mama bear)
Instead of jumping into rescue mode, try:
-
“How did that make you feel?”
-
“What did you do next?”
-
“What do you think about that kid?”
You’re teaching them:
✔️ emotional awareness
✔️ perspective
✔️ confidence in handling social stuff
And you’re sending the message: “I trust you to cope, and I’m here if you need me.”
That’s powerful.
4. Phrases that are especially useful for children dealing with rude kids or unkind classmates
Use these casually — not as a lecture.
-
“Some kids say dumb things. That says more about them.”
-
“You don’t need everyone to like you. Just a few good people.”
-
“If someone’s rude, you can walk away. That’s strength.”
-
“You’re allowed to decide who gets your energy.”
Short. Calm. No drama.
You’re teaching them boundaries, not fear.
5. What to say if they come to you upset (without jumping into fix-it mode)
Try this order:
- Reflect
“That sounds annoying.”
“Yeah, I’d feel upset too.”
- Empower
“What do you think you’ll do if it happens again?”
“What would make you feel better right now?”
- Reassure
“I’m always here. We’ll handle things together.”
This builds emotional muscles instead of dependence.
6. How to cope as a parent
Here are a few gentle truths:
-
You cannot protect them from every unkind child.
(I know. I hate this one too.) -
Learning that some people are rude is sadly part of growing up.
-
Your children having a mum who listens, notices, and cares?
They’re incredibly lucky to have you.
When your mind spirals, try this grounding question:
“Right now, are my children safe, loved, and supported?”
If the answer is yes, then know that everything is okay.
7. When to step in
Trust your instincts here and step in if you notice:
-
Ongoing bullying (not one-off comments)
-
Fear of school or activities
-
Changes in sleep, appetite, confidence
-
They ask for help
8. How to tell rudeness vs bullying (so you don’t gaslight yourself)
Rudeness
-
One-off comments
-
Different kids
-
No ongoing fear
-
Your boys still act like… kids
Bullying
-
Same child repeatedly
-
Power imbalance
-
Fear or avoidance
-
Confidence drops
If it tips into bullying, step in without guilt.
Conclusion
Watching your children face unkindness or rudeness isn’t easy, and it’s only natural to feel angry, worried, and protective.
But remember: these moments are also opportunities.
Opportunities for your children to build resilience, confidence, and emotional strength — and for you to practice trusting them to navigate life, even when it isn’t fair.
By giving them the tools to handle rude kids, you’re helping them grow into confident individuals.
And at the same time, you’re learning to cope as a parent without carrying the weight of the world for them.
Every stage of childhood brings new challenges.
But with love, patience, and the strategies I’ve shared above, you can help your children THRIVE, and make sure that even when the world isn’t perfect, they are safe, loved, and supported.
See also:
