Ivana Poku Hey, lovely one!
I’m Ivana – a mum of three boys (including twins) and author of Motherhood – The Unspoken, on a mission to create a world where mums feel seen and supported.
When I was a new mum, my life was not remotely what I’d expected.
And I’m not the onle one.
Sadly, no one really talks about how a day with a newborn looks like.
YOu think everyrhing will be cuteness and love, but the reality is way more complex than that.
I’ve been a new mum twice – once with twins, then again with our third – and both times I remember thinking the same thing: why did nobody tell me it would look like this?
So that’s what I want to give you here.
An honest look at what my days actually looked like as a new mum.
If you’re in it right now, I hope it will help you feel a little less alone.
Let’s begin.
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- Regretting having a baby? This is more common than you think.
- Postnatal anxiety explained: Why you’re constantly on edge after birth
The Newborn Haze
One of the first things that struck me as a new mum was the haze.
You don’t know if it’s morning or night, Monday or Saturday. (Something you definitely didn’t get mixed up before you were a mum.)
You go through the motions and everything feels somewhat distant, unreal, like you’re watching yourself do it rather than doing it.
One day you had a life. Parties, travel, work, seeing friends whenever you felt like it…. Even in pregnancy – okay, maybe not parties – but you were still you.
And then, overnight, that gets stripped away. You’re handed a brand new life with zero training and a baby who depends on you.
That’s a shock to the system. And it doesn’t wear off in a day. For most mums it hangs around for weeks, sometimes months.
Every day can feel the same. You feed, change a nappy, feed again, clean the sick, change them again – on repeat, with no time for yourself, your hobbies, the things that make you you.
Some days, you feel like a machine that only goes through the motions.
If you miss your old life, that’s totally normal and even to be expected.
It doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful. It means you have a healthy, human reaction to a big life change.
Personally, I missed my old life so badly it physically hurt. I would watch people going out and having fun, and I envied them so much.
Now I know this feeling has a name: postpartum grief.
You are simply grieving the old version of you. Again, totally normal!
There is no correct timeline for how long this stage of haze, shock and confusion lasts.
For some mums – I believe most mums – it’s weeks, but it can also take longer.
It all depends on your life circumstances, your mental health, and how much support you have.
Mornings: Feed, Soothe, Repeat
My husband commuted to work every day, so I spent weekdays by myself.
Mornings usually started around 6am – or I was already up feeding, soothing, or just not being able to sleep (despite the exhaustion).
I didn’t rush anything and didn’t push myself to do the “right thing.” I would do what I felt like doing.
Let me mention that the twins didn’t have any routine, which made things a thousand times harder compared to baby #3. (More on that later.)
I’d feed the babies and myself, and if they fell asleep and I felt like watching a TV show, I did.
If I felt like going out, I did.
Some days I was still in the same top I’d slept in, or hadn’t brushed my teeth by 10am.
It’s all okay.
Going Out With a Newborn
If I went out, getting ready was a real mission – especially with twins.
It would take so long to leave the house.
First you need to feed them, change them, and pack all their things – and there are so many: bottles, dummies, nappies, wipes, snacks… Not being organised by nature didn’t help, for sure.
Often, when we were finally ready, one of the twins decided to make number two. So, back to changing…
It was still worth it, though.
Because being out was the best part of the day.
Getting some fresh air, a change of scenery, and – most importantly – chatting with other mums who were going through the same thing was like a balm to my soul.
Baby groups and classes were my lifeline. If you’re wondering whether it’s worth the effort of getting yourself and a baby out the door, or if you feel anxious about going – trust me, just do it. It will really help you so much.
If you don’t have a baby group near you, you can create your own mum community!
Or even a visit to a coffee shop will help massively. It’s not really about what you do, it’s about getting out of the house.
Afternoons: Survival Mode (Not Play Time)
After that, I’d either stay out a while longer or head home and go into what I can only describe as survival mode.
I remember being unsure what I should do with the babies at first.
Should I play with them?
Should I do some activities with them?
But the newborn stage really is about pure survival. There’s not much you can do with them anyway.
So whatever you’re doing with them, it’s fine (as long as it’s safe and legal, that is). There’s no “bad” way to spend an afternoon with a baby who’s mostly eating, sleeping, and staring at you.
I also never wanted to sleep when they slept. I know that’s the classic advice, but I always felt worse after a short nap, groggier, not better.
So instead I’d use the nap time to do something for myself.
I’d put music on, do my makeup, or do some at-home exercise. This really helped me feel like me again, and somehow softened the drastic change to my life.
When they napped in the buggy, I’d speak to someone on the phone (speaking to adults is essential for sanity at this stage), or just walk and use the time to clear my head.
You may also like:
- Postpartum Mental Health: What’s Normal & When to Ask for Help
- When Do Babies Get Easier? The Honest Newborn Timeline No One Tells You
- How to Find Time for Self-Care as a Busy Mum
Evenings: The Hardest Part of the Day
I admit, I spent many days counting down until my husband came home.
Nothing wrong with that, by the way!
When he got home, that meant I could finally exhale.
He would take over. Sometimes he’d do the bath, which is when I’d use the time to do something for me, or just sleep. Sometimes we’d do the bath together – whatever I felt like doing in the moment.
In the first six months, evenings were the hardest part of the day, especially with the twins. (Remember, this is highly individual!)
It would take ages to get them both settled, and by the time they finally were, I had nothing left and usually passed out, knowing that in a couple of hours, they’d be up again for a feed.
With our third, it was completely different.
In the meantime, I’d learned how important having a routine is, so we worked with a baby routine specialist, and it changed everything for us. He was sleeping through the night from three months old. I share more about this in the post When do babies sleep throug the night?Ā
Comparing it to our experience with the twins, it was night and day.
This only confirms how individual our experiences are. While some things are the same in our lives as new mums, how we cope and get through it is highly personal.
Housework Took a Back Seat
Ok, now what about housework and cooking?
Erm… it was rather neglected.
Or more precisely – I didn’t care about it much.
Sure, we made sure the basics were done, but mess didn’t bother me. At least a certain level of mess. When it got beyond the point I couldn’t accept, I would tidy – most often when they were in their playpen or strapped in their bouncer.
And as for meals, they were quick and simple. Nothing fancy, and often not very nutritious either.
Remember, it’s just a stage.
We did what we could.
My family would help whenever they came over from Slovakia, and for some time, we had a cleaner come in too.
Whatever makes your life easier – do it.
If you want tips on how to keep your home organised as a new mum, read my interview with a decluttering expert.
What Helped Me Survive the Newborn Stage
Here are a few things that helped me cope when things were most challenging.
Use them as inspiration, mum to mum:
- Getting out of the house: Going out and speaking to other adults really saves your sanity. Even if you don’t feel like it, do it. You’ll feel so much lighter afterwards.
- Talk about how you feel: Problems thrive in silence, so whatever you’re going through, talk about it with other mums. Trust me, they’re feeling the same way. Why not help each other feel less alone?
- Doing (at least) one small thing that was just mine:Every day, do something you love and that helps you feel connected to your old life. Listen to your favourite music that takes you back to good memories, try a new makeup look, read your favourite book, do your hobby, watch your favourite TV show ā anything you used to do before.
- Letting my husband take over. That’s harder than it sounds for most mums, but letting your partner help (or anyone, really) is non-negotiable when you have a newborn. If they don’t want to help, read my post How to Get Your Partner to Help With the Baby.
- Accepting what is: at first, I wouild resent the endless challenges. At first, I would resent the endless challenges. But I quickly learned that accepting them goes a much longer way. Accept that it is what it is for now, but also that it won’t last forever. (Because it won’t.)
If you’re deep in the thick of it right now and some days feel unbearably long, I share more tips on what helped me make mum life easier and more enjoyable in my FREE Postpartum Survival Toolkit.
Final Word
Being a new mum is beautiful and brutal.
You will experience the full range of emotions – from the most powerful love you’ve ever felt, to the most hopeless despair you’ve ever felt.
It’s all okay and nothing to feel bad about.
You’re in the hardest, most disorienting season of early motherhood, but it will not stay this way forever.
Find little things that help you feel like you and keep your sanity. They say take it one day at a time, and it’s so true when it comes to early motherhood. That’s actually the best thing you can do – not focus on tomorrow or next month, only on today.
For now, get out, talk to other mums (or just adults), get some fresh air, dance or jump to release the stress from your body, listen to loud music while your baby can’t tell you to turn it down…
And before you know it, your baby will grow, give back, become more independent – you’ll have so much fun and so much to look forward to – and this stage will be just a distant memory.
If you have any questions, please drop them below in the comments or email me at ivana.poku@mumsjourney.com.
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