Ivana Poku Mutual support in parenthood is essential for maintaining a healthy family dynamic. Yet many mums (no judgement here, I’m no saint), like to complain about their partners or husbands.
He says he is tired? He doesn’t know what tired is!
Oh, he needs a break after work? Really??
He should try to stay at home with the baby. Only then he’d understand what hard work is!
He has it so easy!
And so on…
Does this sound familiar?
Now, while I totally understand where these and similar comments come from, it is not always as simple as some mums see it. Mutual support in parenthood is crucial for maintaining a healthy family dynamic.
Being a mum is no sunshine and rainbows.
But it’s not easy for fathers either. They too need help and support.
I know that when you are dealing with a little baby, it is hard to feel sorry for your partner. At the end of the day, they didn’t have to give up their dreams or put them on hold. They keep going to work, they get break from kids, perhaps they travel to places, and gets the alone time with his own thoughts.
He doesn’t have to deal with all that crap that goes on with raising a kid.
I get it. It is very easy to feel like a victim and resent your partner or husband for going to work.
But let’s try to put ourselves in their shoes for a while.
They go to work every day to help provide for the family.
In a number of cases (especially while your little ones are small) they are the only ones bringing finance to the household which puts huge pressure on them. (Just because they don’t talk about it doesn’t mean they don’t think about it).
They are well aware that if anything happens to them, it would put their family in an extremely distressing position.
They spend all day working which often leaves them drained both physically and mentally.
(Many of us forgot how draining going to work can be, but if you are honest with yourself, you know it is not all sunshine and rainbows.)
When they get home, they are often welcomed by screaming children and a stressed partner/wife demanding them to take over.
I am sure you will agree that this is not easy nor stress-free at all.
As much as I believe that (almost) every mum does a bloody wonderful job, so do many dads.
Of course, there are fathers who don’t feel the need to be involved in parenting at all or not the same extent as others, but that’s a whole different story and this post is dedicated to those who do.
I often hear people compare father’s and mother’s roles, but I believe there’s no point trying to work out whose role is generally harder or easier. Mutual support in parenthood means acknowledging that neither of us has it easy; we both have challenges to deal with.
Neither of us has it easy, we both have challenges to deal with.
It’s definitely not right to think that fathers should not be involved in parenting duties, but at the same time, it is not right to think fathers have it easy and doesn’t go through any stress.
Dads are equal parents and shouldn’t be treated like parenting invalids or like secondary figures in their kids’ lives.
We need to show them they too have a place in the world of parenting. Parenthood is hard for mothers and fathers, but once we recognise that we’re in it together, only then can we start building the right parenting model for our children.
‘Mutual support in parenthood: Dads don’ t get enough credit too’
Don’t get me wrong, my husband drives me crazy sometimes too and there are days when I turn in to a mad wife no one would want to be around.
I am definitely not that kind of ‘perfect wife’ from movies who welcomes her husband with a smile on her face every day when he gets home from work, with a warm dinner waiting on a table, and a remote to give to him so that he can have an hour break before helping with the kids.
I too get stressed and say things I could say better.
But I know that my husband doesn’t have it easy either so I am here to support him just as he supports me.
This is what it’s all about.
About mutual understanding and support in parenthood.
So, next time you find yourself ready to vent about your partner’s lack of understanding or contribution, take a moment to consider their perspective too. Parenthood is an intricate dance, one that requires both partners to be in sync, understanding, and supportive of each other’s roles and challenges.
After all, it’s not about who has it harder; it’s about working together to create a loving, balanced home.
With love,
Ivana x
PS. If you want to support me on my mission to create a world where mums don’t struggle in silence, please check out my TALK shop and my book Motherhood – The Unspoken. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
