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LIFE, MOTHERHOOD

Confession time.

Ever since I have married a black man, my views on race and racism have changed a lot.

All the more, after our beautiful mixed-race twin boys came into this world.

Before that, I had thought I knew what black people go through during their lives. 

I thought some of them had it harder than others, that some were exaggerating the issue, and that some were being unnecessarily paranoid…

Today I know that my opinions were wrong and rather naive. 

How could they not be? 

As a white person, I had never remotely come even close to understand what black people have to go through on a daily basis. I am not saying what the majority of black people go through because – as I also only understand now – ALL black people come across hate and racism at more than one occasion in their lives. Regardless of where they now live or the country of birth. 
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LIFE

“Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.” Eskimo Proverb

“Babies lost in the womb were never touched by fear. They were never cold, never hungry, never alone, and importantly always knew love.” Zoe Clark-Coates

It’s baby loss awareness week…

Another tough subject to talk about, but since it is something I have personal experience with, I feel it is finally time for me to write about it. And to support those who have been through it too.

This second pregnancy was not planned, but after the initial shock, I started to be excited and look forward to it.

But not for long. Before I knew it, the baby was gone.

I kept asking why it happened, but this is something you can never be 100% sure with. We were put through a lot of stress at the time as our Henry had to undergo surgery, so I believe this did not add up to the relaxed state of mind a pregnant woman is supposed to be in.

Anyway, one day I started to bleed so we went straight to the urgent care. They said it didn’t necessarily have to mean anything bad, but suggested for me to rest and relax. Like you could relax in a situation like that, right?

However, I did my best, but the bleeding would not stop. On the third day,  I started to feel sharp cramps in my belly. I knew very well what it meant, but was still was hoping till the last moment. keep reading

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LIFE

I’ve been through a lot during my life. My childhood was tough, my parents got divorced when I was only five, I went through some bad relationships and through a divorce. I suffered major depression and anxiety (which still lasts), I lost a baby…

And yet, when I talk to other people and listen to their stories, it feels like mine is not very unique.

Do you know what I mean?

Every person on this planet has their story. And no one has a purely easy life.

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You know it. You finally put the children down and your feet up when your phone rings. It is likely your parents or a friend. You know that most likely they do not want anything major, they just want to chat.

However, after a long day of physical and psychological struggle, chatting on the phone is the last thing you want to do. All you need is sit down, switch off the brain and do not think about anything. After a while, the ringing stops and a text appears on your display. “Can you talk?” 

You think of what you should do. You want to say ‘no’ but at the same time, this idea makes you feel guilty. 
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I have recently come across an interview with the psychologist on the subject of maternity, which made me think about many things.

The article was talking about ‘cry out’ method (controlled crying method) and its negative impact on childhood psychological development. One particular sentence was of great interest to me. ‘Only a heartless parent can let a child cry out’, stated there in black and white.

If I do not take into account the fact that some psychologists support or recommend this method, I was astonished by the boldness of this statement.
I see a similar attitude in many other things. It’s as though people forget sometimes that there are two sides to everything.

Let’s take breastfeeding.

‘The right mother breastfeeds her baby’, ‘Do everything for you to breastfeed’, ‘Do not give up, your baby needs breastfeeding the most’ and so on.

From each direction, we are cluttered by the phenomenon of breastfeeding and its magical effect on our child’s life. Every new mother, therefore, feels she has to breastfeed and if she does not, she is not a good mother.
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