How To Get Your Life Back After Having a Baby

HOW TO GET YOUR LIFE BACK AFTER HAVING A BABY

When I became a mum in 2016, one of the things I struggled with the most was losing my old life.

I just couldn’t make peace with the fact I would not have time and space to do the things I was used to doing for 32 years.

Actually, when I think about it, I felt this way already during pregnancy.

When I couldn’t have a drink, go partying, or light a cigarette.

Even caffeine was limited to one a day!

And when the babies arrived (if you’re new here, I had twins), there was even more I had to give up.

Going to a shop whenever I wanted (and however I wanted), going to the cinema, out for dinner with my husband…

I still remember the moment a few days after we brought the kids home from the hospital (we spent two weeks at the NICU), there was a small family market near our home.

We took the boys out for a little while in their car seats and stood nearby in a fairly quiet spot. Yaw seemed happy, dancing like he always does… like we always used to do together. And I wanted to cry.

It hit me like a brick: we couldn’t just go out dancing whenever we felt like it anymore… stay out till the early hours, get drunk, sleep till afternoon. That life was gone.

My throat was dry and I fought hard to blink back my tears. I sensed that if I let them out, I wouldn’t be able to stop.

I also remember how desperate and hopeless I felt at the thought I wouldn’t even be able to pop out to the shops freely anymore.

Not sure why that one hit so hard, given I wasn’t a huge fan of shopping, but I take it was the idea of losing my freedom rather than the actual thing I was giving up on that was hard to wrap my head around.

And then of course, there was the huge grief over losing my hobbies and passions.

The constant feeding and changing and listening to screaming babies… without any time for ME and the things that used to bring me joy… The grief was almost paralysing.

I grieved my old life so bad it physically hurt.

I grieved the old version of me that would never come back. Because I knew that whatever would happen from then on, I would never not be a mum anymore.

Today I know that feeling this way is totally natural. Becoming a mum is a big shock to the system and it’s only normal to grieve the old version of you.

But the good news is, you WILL get your life back.

In this blog post, I share with you what I did to get my life back, even as a mum of three with no family and friends living nearby.

The Key to Getting Your Life Back – Start by Using the Time You Have

The first step is to make peace with the fact that for some time (but shorter than you think), you won’t have time for anything else other than your baby.

And that it won’t be like this forever. (Because it won’t.)

When you accept it, it will take a huge pressure off.

Once your postpartum emotions settle, THAT’S when you can start taking the first slow steps to getting your life back.

A word of warning: It won’t be possible without having help.

If you don’t have any help, check out my post on how to get your partner involved and how to build your village.

If you need to, don’t hesitate to invest in help.

Because having help is crucial for a new mum.

And perhaps start with what you miss the most. Is it your hobbies? Nights out? Date nights with your husband? Exercise?

Sit down and think about how you can start incorporating that thing into your life with the time you currently have.

If you only have 30 minutes a week for yourself, use that time.

If you want a night or date out, hire a babysitter or ask a friend to watch your baby.

You won’t be able to go out as you had been used to, but again – only temporarily.

If you don’t have as much time as you would like, find a way to have more time.

One of the biggest mistakes new mums make is to try to do everything themselves. As if it somehow proves their value.

(I don’t blame you, I have been there myself.)

But if you want your life (and sanity) back, there is no way around it.

You need to get as much help as possible.

This is the perfect time to follow your dreams

Now, when you feel ready, I want you to sit down and ask yourself: If I could do anything in the world, what would I do?

Believe it or not, this is the perfect time to start following your dreams.

Even with limited time. Use the time you have and work around it. It is much better to do something for 30 minutes a day than to do nothing. If you work on something consistently for 30 minutes every day for a year, that’s over 180 hours in one year.

Another option is to get things done when your baby sleeps.

I started this blog when my twins were asleep. Often, I would work late at night on building my website and writing my first blog posts.

Some might have thought I was crazy to sacrifice my sleep for blogging, but it actually helped me. It gave me a sense of purpose, of building something, and it was life-changing for my sanity.

It wouldn’t work for everyone of course, but it worked for me.

I want you to find what works for you.

Trust your instincts and follow your inner voice.

If you always wanted to start a blog, a business, or become an influencer, create online courses, study, or anything else – do it.

There is no such thing as not enough time.

We all have the same amount of time, and we make it work if we really want to.

So start with what you have and look for ways you can increase your time.

Perhaps you can outsource some tasks – hire a cleaner twice a month. It is an additional cost, but remember that it is an investment in YOU and your wellbeing. And maybe even something more. Besides, an average cleaner’s hourly rate is not that expensive. When you think about how often you spend money on things you don’t need, it’s not much at all.

You can agree a babysitting rota with your mum friend or a group of friends.

Or anything else.

Be creative!

Once you start doing more of the things that bring you joy, once you start building or creating something… you will somehow have more time and more new doors and opportunities will open for you.

I can’t tell you what it will be for you, but I can tell you it will happen.

The key is to take the first baby step today.

To stop worrying or complaining about having no time, and to use the time you have to make a change.

Just like I did, one small step at a time.

And if someone had said to me that not even two years from writing my first blog post I would be attending the Business Women Awards in London as a finalist – and launching my book on the same day – I probably wouldn’t have believed it.

Yes, I still sometimes miss the freedom I had before children.

But I also remember all the “bad” things that were happening in my life at the time.

Our brain only tends to remember the good stuff, and filter out the bad ones.

But I want you to have a good look at your old life, and be honest with yourself… Was it really that great?

For most of us, it wasn’t.

So, my darling, I know it feels hard right now, but as my husband once said to me: This is not the end, this is just the beginning.

Your life is not over, it is just getting started.

And nine years since he said that to me, I can tell you he was 100 percent right. (Damn it!)

You’ve got this.

With all my love,
Ivana xx