Last Updated on September 8, 2026 by Ivana Poku
When you’re expecting a baby, everyone suddenly becomes your personal cheerleader.
“You must be over the moon!”
“You must be so happy!”
“Aww, how amazing!”
And you smile, because that’s what you’re supposed to do, right?
But deep down, a quiet voice whispers… “Why don’t I feel that way?”
Because even if you’ve dreamed of this moment for years, sometimes pregnancy doesn’t feel magical at all.
It feels exhausting and emotional.
And, if we’re being honest – a little scary.
You might be thinking, “What’s wrong with me?”
You wanted this baby so much, so why aren’t you glowing with joy like everyone said you would?
(If this is your first pregnancy, my guide to first pregnancy can help you understand what’s normal and what to expect along the way.)
And then there is physical discomfort.
You may feel nauseous, irritable, breathless, big, ugly, and uncomfortable.
Not magical at all!
I get it, because I’ve been there.
And guess what? We’re not alone.
Most mums wouldn’t describe pregnancy as magical.
Here, I talk about the unspoken truths of pregnancy and what it really feels like for most women – and why.
But first, hello!
I’m Ivana, a mum of three boys (including twins), the founder of MumsJourney, and author of Motherhood: The Unspoken, on a mission to create a world where mums feel seen and supported.
In this post, I cover:
- Why pregnancy isn’t a magical time for most women
- The emotional rollercoaster no one prepares you for
- When things might start to feel lighter – and how to cope until they do.
Related posts:
- First pregnancy guide: everything you need to know as a first-time mum
- 31 Unique ways to announce your pregnancy (including the quiet ones)
- 8 Reasons you don’t feel connected to your baby in pregnancy
The Positive Test: What It Really Feels Like
Let’s rewind to that moment – when you first see those two lines.
Personally, I’d imagined it would be like the movies.
My husband and I would fall into each other’s arms, smiling through happy tears, probably with emotional music playing in the background.
Reality? Not so much.
Even though my twins were planned and wanted, I didn’t beam with happiness.
I cried, but they weren’t happy tears.
I didn’t even know what they were.
My emotions were all over the place.
Suddenly, it was real.
I was pregnant!
It hit me like a truck and I realised just how much my life was about to change.
And it was incredibly scary.
Now I know that’s completely normal.
When you’re expecting your first baby, you’re facing a 180-degree life shift.
Of course it takes time to process that!
Even when you really want the baby, it takes time to adjust to the idea of becoming a mum.
So if you didn’t have your movie moment, please, don’t feel bad.
It rarely is happens that way (if ever).
Looking back, most of that fear came from one thing: not knowing.
Because nobody tells you what to expect.
So I wrote it down for you in a free pdf with 9 things I wish I’d known before birth.
The First Trimester
The first trimester can be brutal.
Morning sickness (that often lasts all day), heartburn, mood swings… and don’t even get me started on the fatigue.
I remember thinking, whoever calls this magical clearly has never been pregnant.
During my first trimester, I was nauseous almost constantly.
Everything annoyed me, especially my then-boyfriend (now husband :)).
I wanted to cry, run, and scream all at once.
And I didn’t even know why.
And just when you think it can’t get worse…
The Second and Third Trimesters
By the second trimester, nausea might ease off, but new struggles begin.
For me, carrying twins meant being out of breath just walking up the stairs.
I felt heavy, uncomfortable, and exhausted.
By the third trimester, I could barely sleep.
The babies pressed on my ribs every time I lay down, so the only comfortable position was standing up – not ideal when you’re desperate for rest!
I felt huge, clumsy, and, honestly, a bit useless.
I couldn’t even tie my shoelaces or cut my toenails.
And the fatigue…
It’s not just tiredness, it’s a full-body shutdown.
Like you’ve taken an overdose of sleeping pills in the middle of the day.
Pregnancy fatigue isn’t “I could use a nap” tired.
It’s “I could fall asleep standing up” tired.
The Emotional Side Of Pregnancy People Don’t Talk About
Physical discomfort is one thing, but the emotional rollercoaster?
That’s another level.
When you’re expecting your first baby, it’s not just your body that’s changing.
Your mind is adjusting too.
You know your life will never be the same again, and that’s HUGE.
I remember being angry at my twins (yes, before they were even born).
Angry that I couldn’t go out or have a glass of wine anymore.
Angry that my relationship felt different. As though they were coming between my husband and me.
And then came the constant worry:
Will we have enough money?
What if I’m not a good mum? Do we have everything we need?
What if I forget something important?
What if …? What if …? What if …?
And if I had to guess, most of your what ifs are about what happens after the baby comes.
I had the same ones.
Here are the 9 things I wish someone had told me before birth – the honest version, the one I needed.
You’re standing on the edge of something completely new, so it’s normal to be scared.
You’re meant to be scared, to an extent.
Worrying doesn’t make you a bad mum.
It makes you… well, a mum.
But sometimes those feelings go beyond ordinary worry or moodiness. If the sadness or heaviness doesn’t lift and impacts your everyday life, make sure to also check out my post Is prenatal depression a thing?
Final word
Pregnancy is a miracle.
It’s pure magic when you think about it – you’re literally growing a new human being.
But that doesn’t mean it feels magical.
You can be grateful and miserable at the same time.
You can love your baby and still struggle through pregnancy.
Those feelings can and do all exist together.
You’re not failing, you’re going through the biggest transformation of your life.
And all your feelings are valid!
And when you’re ready to look a little further ahead, I’ll tell you what nobody told me in this free pdf.
FAQs
Is it normal not to feel happy about being pregnant?
Yes, and it’s very common. People just don’t talk about it enough. You can want your baby and not enjoy your pregnancy.
Why don’t I feel excited about my pregnancy?
In most cases, because your brain is processing a big life change, and excitement doesn’t get much room.
On top of it, you feel exhausted, nauseous, and achy, so there really is not a lot left for glowing.
Is pregnancy supposed to feel magical?
No. There’s no right or wrong way to feel during pregnancy. But I know that whatever you’re feeling is normal and valid.
Can you love your baby and hate being pregnant?
Absolutely! Those two things often sit side by side.
Not enjoying pregnancy says nothing at all about how much you love your baby, or about you as a mum.
Is it normal to feel angry or resentful towards your unborn baby?
It is, and I’ve been there myself.
That anger is usually about everything you’re losing when you gain a baby: freedom, spontaneity, your social life, your old self, your relationship as it was. It’s grief, and it passes.
When does pregnancy start to feel easier?
For a lot of women, the second trimester brings some relief. That’s when the sickness usually eases and you get your energy back.
But that’s not a rule. Some mums feel best at the end and some never feel great at all.
And both are normal.
Does not feeling connected to my baby in pregnancy mean I won’t bond after birth?
No. Bonding isn’t a switch that has to flip before birth.
Plenty of mums feel nothing much until they’re holding their baby – and some (myself included) not even then, which is also okay. I go into why in 8 reasons you don’t feel connected to your baby in pregnancy.
How do I know if it’s more than normal pregnancy emotions?
Normal low moods come and go.
But if the heaviness doesn’t lift, if you can’t enjoy anything at all, or it’s affecting your daily life for weeks, please talk to your midwife or doctor about it.
Your next read:
- Baby Essentials You ACTUALLY Need (A Stress-Free Guide for the First 3 Months)
- Is It Normal To Feel Sad During Pregnancy?
- My Honest Experience with Prenatal Yoga Class (and Why I’d Recommend It for Pregnancy and Beyond)
PhDr. Ivana Poku is the author of Motherhood – The Unspoken, an award-winning blogger and maternal mental health advocate. Through her work, she is on a mission to create a world where mums feel seen, heard and supported. Ivana is also a mum of three boys, including twins, and lives with her family in a small coastal town in Scotland.
