Ivana Poku Let’s have a little real talk, mum to mum.
Imagine we’re sitting in a cosy coffee shop, kids at home with a sitter.
You take a sip of your drink, lean in, and whisper:
“I don’t know why this bothers me… but my husband is SO good with the baby it’s annoying.”
And I nod.
Because honestly?
So many mums feel this exact thing.
And almost none of them say it out loud.
Why “Super-Dad Energy” Can Trigger Jealousy in New Mums
There’s this strange, confusing feeling that pops up whenever your partner starts… thriving.
Like, thriving thriving.
He’s researching baby items.
He finds deals you didn’t even know existed.
He burps the baby better.
He rocks her to sleep in 0.3 seconds.
Suddenly he’s Super-Dad, and you’re standing there with your leaky boobs like:
“Hello? I made this human from scratch???”
And then the jealousy creeps in.
It feels silly. Irrational. But so, so real.
You may cry because your camera made a montage of your partner doing all the early wake-ups.
Or you hate that your baby took a bottle better from Dad.
It stings because deep down, many of us expect to be the default parent – the one with the magical instincts.
So when that doesn’t happen right away?
You feel… less.
But here’s what we forget in the moment:
He’s not doing “better.”
He’s doing well because you’re BOTH doing something right.
And if you don’t feel like you’re doing anything right yet, that is completely normal.
Early motherhood is chaos, not a performance review.
The Hormone + Recovery Storm That Makes Super-Dad Look Extra Super
Let’s talk biology for a second, because it’s a whole character in this story.
Your partner might look calm, focused, logical, even thriving.
Why?
Because he’s not the one:
-
healing from birth
-
feeding around the clock
-
riding the hormonal rollercoaster
-
operating on three hours of sleep and leftover toast
-
carrying the invisible weight of keeping a tiny human alive
You’re in the trenches.
He’s… not.
So of course he seems more “functional.”
It doesn’t make him better.
It just means he’s not physically and hormonally recovering from childbirth.
You’re Not Being Replaced, You’re Being Supported by Super-Dad
I know it feels like you’re being pushed aside.
But here’s something mums often tell me when they see a partner who is this involved:
“I wish I had this.”
“I did everything alone. It was exhausting.”
“You’re lucky he’s so invested.”
You get the idea.
And they’re right!
A partner who steps up is a gift, not a competitor.
Your baby doesn’t love him instead of you.
Your baby loves him as well as you.
And when your little one is scared, hurt, overwhelmed, overtired, or just done with the world?
They will look for YOU.
Because you’re Mum.
The constant.
The heartbeat they know best.
He can research 42 baby monitors…
But he can’t replace your cuddle.
When Super-Dad’s Enthusiasm Makes You Feel Ignored or Overridden
Let’s go deeper for a moment, because sometimes it’s not about the baby items at all.
Sometimes it’s about:
-
feeling left out
-
feeling overridden
-
feeling unheard
-
feeling like decisions get made without you
-
feeling like your opinions get “logic-ed” away
-
feeling like you don’t have space to parent the way YOU want to
In other words: if it looks like it’s about the bottle, it’s usually not about the bottle.
This is where a gentle, loving conversation can change everything.
Not a judgement or criticism.
Just a calm:
“I love how involved you are. It means everything. But sometimes I feel pushed aside.”
And then come up with solutions together.
Why Super-Dad Moments Don’t Last Forever (And Neither Do These Feelings)
Everything in parenting is temporary.
Right now, he may feel like the superstar.
But next year?
You might be:
-
the homework whisperer
-
the creative genius
-
the monster chaser
-
the emotional translator
…you name it.
Kids need different things at different stages.
Your bond will keep growing, shifting, and strengthening.
You don’t lose your place. Ever.
You and your partner will naturally settle into different strengths, and your child will benefit from ALL of them.
What To Do When Super-Dad Is Triggering Big Feelings
Here’s what I want you to keep in your back pocket:
1. Don’t shame yourself
These feelings are common and valid.
2. Remember your hormones are still wild
Postpartum isn’t six weeks. It can be years.
3. Don’t let resentment simmer
Talk to him. He likely has no idea you feel overshadowed.
4. Create something that’s “yours”
A daily cuddle, a bedtime routine, a special ritual that is just yours.
5. If things feel heavy, please reach out
Postnatal depression or anxiety can look like jealousy, resentment, or feeling inadequate.
6. Protect your peace online
Mute accounts that spark comparison or make you feel “less than.”
Final Thoughts for the New Mums Feeling Replaced by Super-Dad
Here’s the truth I want you to carry with you:
You are not less.
You are not replaceable.
You are not failing.
You are a mum in one of the hardest chapters of motherhood.
Your partner is not outshining you, he’s backing you up.
Your baby won’t remember who researched the cheapest baby carrier.
But they will remember:
The warmth of your cuddle.
The smell of your hair.
The safety in your voice.
He’s part of their world.
But you are home.
If you are finding things too overwhelming right now, check out my FREE email course: Postpartum Survival Toolkit.
See also:
