Ivana Poku This is a sponsored post. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
Meet Jane.
She spends most days doing laundry, cleaning the house, doing school runs, and taking the kids to different activities.
One glance at Jane and you wouldn’t know she was once a high flying exec calling the shots.
Signing multi million-pound deals.
And sipping coffee somewhere in the south of France.
That version of her feels like a lifetime ago.
Now, she’s known as “Mum” or “Henry’s mum.”
Jane is us. And we are Jane.
And if you’ve been thinking, “I don’t feel like myself after having a baby”, this post will help you understand why – and what you can do about it.
You’re not alone in feeling disconnected from yourself after baby
First and foremost: you’re not alone in feeling like this.
Feeling disconnected from yourself after becoming a mum is more common than you might think.
People just don’t say it out loud.
Sure, motherhood is full of beautiful moments, but if you’re not careful, it can also change you in ways you didn’t expect.
And that can feel confusing.
If you feel like you’ve completely lost who you are after becoming a mum, also check out my post The truth about identity loss in motherhood (and what you can do about it)
Why you don’t feel like yourself after having a baby
There’s a reason for this feeling.
It’s called matrescence and it’s the emotional, physical, and psychological shift into motherhood.
A bit like adolescence… just with nappies, and much less sleep.
During this phase, everything changes:
- Your priorities
- Your routines
- Your identity
- Even how you see yourself
One day, you realise your entire world revolves around your child.
And somewhere along the way, you start to feel a little lost in it all.
Research published in the National Library of Medicine shows that motherhood can significantly affect mental health and sense of self, especially when support is limited.
So if you’ve been wondering, “Where did I go?”
That feeling is very common.
But you haven’t really disappeared.
You’re still there, you’ve just had less space to be you.
Why feeling disconnected after having a baby can feel so unsettling
The problem isn’t that your life looks different, but that you feel different.
You might notice:
- You don’t enjoy the things you used to
- You don’t recognise your thoughts and feelings
- You feel disconnected from who you used to be
And that can feel very uncomfortable.
Because no one really prepares you for this part.
Everyone talks about the baby, and only very few talk about what happens to you.
You may also like:
- Postnatal Anxiety Explained: Why You Feel Constantly On Edge After Birth
- 5 Signs of Postpartum Depression No One Talks About
- 13 Signs You’re a Good Mum (Even If You Don’t Feel Like One)
- Postpartum Mental Health: What’s Normal, What’s Not, and When to Ask for Help
Is it normal to feel disconnected from yourself after having a baby?
Absolutely!
If you want space, identity, or something that’s just yours, it doesn’t make you selfish.
(Not in a negative way, anyway.)
“Mum” was never meant to replace who you are, it was meant to become part of you.
But somewhere between the school runs, snack requests, and never-ending to-do lists, it’s easy to feel like it’s taken over completely.
According to Business Insider, many mums are actively reclaiming their names, interests, and identity outside of parenting.
Not because they love their children less, but because they know that they matter too.
Even broader cultural conversations challenge the idea that a woman’s identity should revolve solely around motherhood.
You’re not meant to be just one thing.
You’re allowed to be a mum and a woman with dreams, interests, and a life that feels like your own.
It’s not one or the other.
It’s both.
You don’t need to go back to your old self – you can grow forward
Here’s where most tips and advice go wrong.
People often say: “Just find your old self again.”
But that would mean going backwards.
And you don’t want that.
This is actually your chance to grow into something new – something that fits your life now.
Why flexibility matters more than ever for new mums
Let’s be honest, most traditional career paths weren’t designed with school runs, sick days, and zero uninterrupted hours in mind.
That’s why flexibility isn’t just a “nice to have” – it’s everything.
For some mums, reconnecting with themselves also means thinking about what they want for their future.
Not necessarily a huge life overhaul, but something that feels meaningful, flexible, and realistic for this season of life.
A note: this section is sponsored by Cleveland State University.
One option some mums explore is the online MSN-FNP programme, which allows you to study from home at your own pace while balancing family life.
It’s not about pressure or rushing into anything, it’s about having options that fit this season of life.
How to let go of mum guilt and start putting yourself first
Mum guilt is the uninvited guest that shows up a lot.
Even when you’re doing your best – especially then!
So taking time for yourself might feel unnatural, or even wrong at first.
But if you always put yourself last, it doesn’t make you a better mum.
It makes you an exhausted mum.
And when you’re exhausted, everything feels harder.
You’re allowed to take a break and do something just for you.
When you do, you’re not taking anything away from your kids.
You’re actually giving them a happier mum, and showing them it’s okay to look after your own needs.
So your self care benefits you and them.
Now and in the long run.
How to start reconnecting with yourself as a mum
Ask yourself:
- What did you love doing before motherhood?
- What did you always want to try but never had time for?
- What actually sparks your curiosity right now?
Remember, you’re not trying to go back and become your “old self” again.
You’re expanding your old self.
Start small (smaller thank you think)
Big goals sound great in theory, but in practice, you’re more likely to give up when they feel too big.
Because too big = overwhelming.
And overwhelming usually turns into “I’ll start on Monday” – which almost always means never.
So instead, start small.
Like really small.
When you do one small step every day, in a year, you’ll be in a completely different place than you are now.
For instance:
- Read 3 pages of a book you enjoy (not the whole book, just 3 pages)
- Take a 10 minute walk alone (no podcasts or distractions, just your thoughts)
- Try something new once a week (with no pressure to be good at it)
That’s it.
Small steps done consistently = real change.
Experts at Motherly also suggest:
- journaling
- solo outings
- picking up old creative hobbies again
The options are endless.
Don’t overthink it, just start in a way that feels fun and doable.
You are becoming someone new after having a baby (and that’s okay)
You are not the same person you were before children.
And that’s okay, it’s supposed to be that way.
Motherhood is and forever will be a big part of you.
But it was never meant to be the only part.
You didn’t disappear when you became a mum – you expanded.
And you’re still allowed to keep expanding.
You can be:
- a mum and a creative
- a mum and a professional
- a mum and still you
Because identity isn’t something you pick once and stick with forever.
It shifts and grows with you.
Sometimes, it even needs a little rebuilding after big life changes.
And yes, you’re allowed to evolve as many times as life asks you to.
This post contains sponsored content.
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