Postpartum depression signs and symptoms (including the ones no one talks about)

If you’re reading this post, you’re probably wondering: “Do I have postpartum depression?”

Maybe you cry more than usual, feel anxious all the time, or don’t enjoy your baby at all.

Or maybe you can’t explain it, you just know something feels off

I understand.

When I had my twins in 2016, I struggled with severe postnatal depression.

But I had no idea what it was, I simply felt like I was failing as a mum.

I missed my old life, didn’t feel like a mum, and I longed to turn back the time.

Looking back, I can see the signs were there all along.

I just didn’t recognise them.

And that’s why I wrote this post.

Because postnatal (postpartum) depression doesn’t always look like people expect.

Sure, it can look like constant sadness and tears. But it can also show up in quieter ways that are easy to miss.

In this post, I explain:

common and hidden signs of postpartum depression (PPD)
help you work out what you might be going through
when it’s time to reach out for support

But first, a quick disclaimer:

This post isn’t medical advice.

If you’re worried about yourself or someone else, please speak to a professional.

This post is here to help you understand PPD better – and start the conversation.

What is postnatal depression?

Before we talk about the signs, let’s look at what postnatal depression actually is.

Postnatal depression is a type of depression that can happen after having a baby – to both mums and dads.

It can make you feel hopeless, anxious, or like you are not yourself anymore.

It’s an illness and it has nothing to do with how much you love your baby, or what kind of mother you are.

Despite how scary it can feel, with the right support, you can (and will) get better.

If you want a deeper explanation of postpartum depression and its symptoms, read my full guide on postpartum depression here.

6 Common signs of postpartum depression

Postpartum depression doesn’t look the same for every mum, but there are some signs that show up again and again.

Here are the most common ones:

1. You feel low most of the time

You feel sad, empty, or hopeless. You may cry a lot for no obvious reason, or have this heavy feeling on your chest that doesn’t go away no matter how hard you try.

2. You feel disconnected from your baby

This one feels really scary and shocks most mums who experience it. You might not feel the bond or love you expected, and you may feel like you’re just going through the motions on autopilot.

3. You feel like you’re failing as a mum

You constantly compare yourself to other mums and feel like everyone is doing better than you. And no matter what you do, it never feels “good enough”.

4. You have no interest in things you used to love

Things that you used to enjoy and that made you happy, now feel pointless. Nothing can spark joy or light in you.

5. You feel exhausted all the time (even when you rest)

You feel totally exhausted all the time. It’s not a “normal” tiredness that comes with looking after a newborn. It’s a deep, heavy exhaustion that doesn’t go even when you rest or sleep. Everything feels like effort.

5 Postpartum depression signs and symptoms new mums often miss

Now, let’s take a look at the little known, less obvious signs of postnatal depression.:

1. You feel “fine”… but something feels off

This one is sneaky.

You’re functioning just fine.

You’re feeding the baby, you’re talking to people, you’re attending baby groups…

But there’s this constant heaviness in your heart.

Like you’re carrying a weight you can’t put down.

You might think:

“I should enjoy this more”
“Other mums cope better than me”
“It’s probably just hormones”

You can’t put your finger on it, but you know something is not right.

2. Intense anxiety or over-protectiveness

Anxiety is one of the most overlooked PPD signs.

It’s when you worry a lot or have racing thoughts.

You might feel:

Panicked when someone else holds your baby
Unable to relax, even when the baby sleeps
Like something bad is always about to happen

It’s very confusing and it can make you feel like you’re losing your mind or being dramatic.

3. Crying for no obvious reason

You may start to cry in the middle of the feed, or while being out and about.

It can happen anytime and anywhere.

Tears come out of nowhere.

You drop a spoon, or someone asks how you are…

And suddenly you’re crying again.

You don’t know why and you can’t seem to control it.

4. You don’t enjoy being a mum

You love your baby, but you don’t enjoy being a mum.

And you feel incredibly ashamed about it.

No one tells you this can be part of PPD.

So instead of asking for help, you feel like you’re failing.

5. Hopelessness that doesn’t make sense

Nothing bad has happened, but you feel numb or empty.

Like you are drowning and there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

You don’t see the point in anything, and the future feels meaningless.

Even things you used to love don’t bring you any joy.

And no amount of positive thinking seems to shift this feeling.

You may also like:

Why new mums stay silent (even when they’re struggling)

1. Lack of information about postpartum life

I was silent for almost a year.

I felt ashamed of my feelings and did everything I could to hide them.

I thought:

“If I tell someone how I actually feel, they’ll label me.”

“They’ll think I’m a horrible mum.”

“They’ll judge me.”

“They’ll take the babies away from me.”

I remember one friend telling me shortly after birth:

“You know some new mums want to kill their babies, so if you ever feel like it, call me right away!”

But there was no way on earth I would say anything to her – or to anyone.

Even though that was how I felt.

When midwives asked me during check-ups, “Do you have thoughts about hurting your kids?”

I said “no”, like a reflex.

Saying the truth wasn’t an option.

Sadly, many new mums feel this way.

They don’t know what they’re experiencing is normal – so they choose stay quiet.

2. Stigma around mental health

Another reason is the stigma around mental health.

People don’t feel comfortable talking about mental health – even though there is not much difference between the physical and mental one.

They are both connected and a part of one another.

However, many people still don’t see it this way and find mental illness a sign of weakness.

This is also what makes it hard to speak up.

What to do when you experience signs of postpartum depression

1. Act now, don’t wait

The most important thing you can do is not overthink it.

I always say that if you feel something is off, it needs attention.

Don’t waste your time asking yourself:

“Is this PPD?”

“Is it bad enough?”

“What if they think I’m being dramatic?”

If something feels wrong, that’s enough of a reason to reach out.

I didn’t speak up right away, and it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

Because silence didn’t make the feelings go away.

In fact, the longer I stayed quiet, the stronger and louder they became.

Until I hit rock bottom.

And I don’t want that for you.

Because trust me, struggling in silence is one of the most excruciating feelings you can ever experience.

Speaking up is hard, but struggling in silence is harder.

2. Speak up before your feelings get worse

Mental illnesses thrive in silence.

So please, talk to your doctor or GP, or a therapist.

If that feels too hard right now, talk to someone you trust and know will support you.

You’re not failing; you’re simply going through one of the biggest transformations of your life.

And the transformation is often messy and painful.

Remember that PPD is an illness, just like cancer or diabetes.

It’s not something you choose to have.

3. Show yourself love and compassion

When you beat yourself up, that makes things 1000 times worse.

Imagine you have a friend feeling low. How do you think they’d feel if you told them how awful they are or that they’re failing?

So starting today, start noticing how you talk to yourself and every time you catch yourself criticising yourself in any way, reframe it and give yourself some love and compassion.

This will make a massive difference in how you feel.

I share more tips on how to recover from PPD in the post How I Recovered From Postnatal Depression (And How You Can Too).

Final word

Postpartum depression signs are not always what people expect.

Some symptoms are obvious and easy to recognise, some are so quit that many don’t recognise them at all.

I hope this post helped you understand the signs better.

And if you have any questions, please ask them in the comments or email me at ivana.poku@mumsjourney.com.

No matter what you’re experiencing right now, please know your feelings are valid, and you’re not alone in this!

I wrote more about this in my book Motherhood – The Unspoken, where I share the real, unspoken side of life as a new mum, as well as plenty of reassurance, tips, and advice I wish someone had given me when I was a new mum. Click here to learn more.

Your next read:

10 Postpartum Depression Signs and Symptoms (What No One Tells You)

Postpartum depression signs and symptoms (including the ones no one talks about)

What is postnatal depression?