Postnatal depression recovery (from a mum who’s been there)

If you’re struggling with postnatal depression (also postpartum depression or PPD), I’m sure you desperately want to feel better.

Like you again.

You want to finally enjoy your baby instead of crying and feeling no hope for the future.

You want to be happy again.

I understand.

I’ve been there too.

When I had our twins in 2016, I went through severe postnatal depression. It was the hardest time of my life, but it also opened my eyes to how many mums (and dads) struggle with this illness.

And how often they do it without real, honest support.

So in this post, I’m sharing what helped me through my own recovery from postnatal depression – and what I learned along the way.

If you’re new here, I’m Ivana – a mum of three mixed race boys (including twins), founder of Mumsjourney, and author of Motherhood: The Unspoken, on a mission to help mums feel seen, heard, and supported.

In this post, I cover:

What postnatal depression is
Practical ways to start pulling through it
How partners and family can support you
Small habits that can make the biggest difference
Hope for the future

You are not alone in this, even when it feels like it.

And there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can’t see it yet.

Let me show it to you.

This post is based on my personal experience and is not medical advice. Always speak to your doctor, GP or healthcare provider about your mental health and treatment options.

I thought my life was over…

I’ll never forget how hopeless I felt in the weeks after our twins arrived.

I missed my old life so much. I didn’t feel like a mum, I didn’t enjoy the babies, and all I wanted was to turn back time.

I was convinced my life was over.

As my husband hugged me and comforted me, I sobbed, “This is the end!”

He hugged me tighter and said with a smile, “This is not the end. This is just the beginning!”

I didn’t believe him at the time, but let me tell you – he was so right.

What is postnatal (postpartum) depression

Postnatal depression is a mental health condition that can happen to mums and dads after a baby is born – most often in the first year, but sometimes even later.

It lasts longer than the “baby blues” and feels much heavier. You may not be able to function or cope with day to day activities like getting out of bed or brushing teeth.

It can leave you feeling:

sad for no obvious reason
anxious about your child’s safety
like you can’t cope
numb
rage
like you’re failing

None of this says anything about you as a mum or as a person.

PPD can happen to anyone because your body and brain go through huge changes during pregnancy and birth. On top of that, you are adjusting to a completely new life, which can feel beyond overwhelming.

For full guide on PPD, also read my post: Everything you need to know about postpartum depression.

The good news it that PPD is treatable. With the right support, you can recover faster than you think.

The myth of a quick fix

You may have heard about quick cures or “miracle pills”, but PPD usually can’t be fixed in one quick step.

It’s often a mix of different things that looks different for everyone.

Don’t aim for perfect happiness overnight, focus on feeling a little better each day.

Real healing comes from small steps that might seem unimportant at first glance – but over time make the biggest difference.

Related posts:

The most effective treatment options

Here are the best ways that have helped many new parents with PPD, myself included:

(I’ll share more of my story later in the post.)

1. Therapy

Talking therapy (counseling or psychotherapy)
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)
Interpersonal therapy (IPT)
Hypnotherapy
Psychophonetics

2. Medication (antidepressants)

In more severe cases of postpartum depression, when you can no longer function or have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, antidepressants are a crucial form of treatment.

They don’t heal you, but they help balance chemicals in the brain and:

make it easier to cope
think more clearly
take back a sense of control
stop the heavy thoughts and feelings
make other support, like therapy, more effective

Speak to your GP or doctor about your options and what to expect.

Don’t worry they won’t judge you, they’re here to help!

3. Sleep and rest

We all know how important sleep is, but we also know how hard it is to get enough sleep as a new mum.

The first few months with the twins were incredibly hard. The boys had colic, so they cried for hours and only slept in short stretches.

The articles on how important sleep was didn’t help at all.

So here’s what I suggest: get as much sleep as you can and truly want. And if you can’t sleep, rest.

If you don’t want to sleep when baby sleeps, that’s totally fine.

Some people feel worse after a short nap, so follow your body.

And if you can’t sleep even when you’re tired (which, btw, happens a lot for new mums), just rest and relax.

I find that when I get fewer hours of sleep but my mind is relaxed and happy, I feel much better than when I get 8 hours of sleep but still feel stressed.

Sometimes lying down with your eyes closed and/or listening to guided meditation or relaxing music can be more beneficial than hours of sleep.

Here are more posts on coping with sleep deprivation after having a baby:

4. Mindfulness

This is so overused, but it’s incredibly helpful.

Sadly, many people toss it into conversations like fancy filler, but mindfulness has more power than most people who use this term realise.

It may sound too big a word, but all you really need to do is notice what’s happening in the moment.

When you go for a shower, notice the sensation of water streaming down your body. When you go for a walk, go without earphones and just observe nature. Or simply look out of the window and watch the birds for five minutes.

It sounds too simple, but you’ll be amazed by how much more relaxed and lighter you’ll feel.

Especially when you do it daily.

5. Supportive community

This can be:

baby classes or groups
buggy/stroller walking groups
walking groups
library rhyme time/story time
breastfeeding support groups
family hubs
mum meet-ups
classes for mums
NCT or antenatal/postnatal meetup groups (for UK mums)
MOPS International (for US mums)
La Leche League International meeting (for US mums)
friends & family
old or new hobbies you do regularly

…to name a few.

Having a community you can trust and share things with is absolute gold for all new mums, and a lifeline for those who struggle with PPD.

Being part of a community can:

help you feel less alone
give you emotional support
help you feel seen and heard
help you feel like you again (not “just a mum”)

If it’s a group of mums going through the same thing as you, it’s even more beneficial, because it helps you see you’re not alone in what you’re experiencing.

The right community is often more helpful than therapy.

You can also find many communities online, but do proper research first, as many can be full of toxic behaviour, which is the last thing you need right now. Choose closed Facebook groups specifically for mums experiencing PPD.

You can also create your own community. I share how in my post It takes a village: How to build your own mum community

6. Look after your physical health

Physical and mental health are connected, so you need to look after your body too.

Eat something regular, even if it’s simple.

A sandwich, a yoghurt, toast… anything is better than nothing.

Drink water when you can and move your body every day. Even if it’s just jumping on the spot, dancing, or stretching… movement helps release stress and tension from your body.

Even a couple minutes is enough!

You don’t need a full workout for it to count.

The goal is just to get your body moving.

What helped me recover from PPD

IN my case, what helped me recover was a number of things:

1. I started giving myself love and compassion

One afternoon, while on a walk with our few-month-old twins, I was crying and telling my husband how desperate I felt.

He said to me: “Well, you spend 12 hours a day alone with twin babies who cry almost all the time. You are sleep deprived. We had just moved, so we had no friends or family around. Of course you feel like this. How could you not?”

As he said it, I felt a huge weight lifting.

I didn’t realise it at the time, but it was the first time I showed myself some compassion.

I had spent months blaming myself for feeling low.

Suddenly, I felt like my feelings were valid. And it was huge.

So my number one piece of advice is to stop criticising yourself for how you feel. Now that you know that PPD is common and your feelings are normal, talk to yourself like you would to a friend with PPD.

Start by noticing how you speak to yourself, and whenever you catch yourself beating yourself up, reframe it and give yourself some love and compassion.

2. I spoke up

Another turning point came when I finally stopped hiding how I really felt. For almost a year, my husband was the only person I spoke to openly. It was amazing that I had a safe space in him, but it wasn’t enough. When I hid from the rest of the world and pretended I was okay, I couldn’t heal.

One afternoon, I was expecting a friend to come over. It was one of my lowest days, and I had already felt anxious about her visiting. (I hated visitors at the time.)

She found me in tears. I couldn’t hold it in anymore, and I told her how hopeless I had felt, how I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, and how everything felt too much for me.

She didn’t judge me, she listened to me and showed me a great support.

That lifted an even heavier weight I had been carrying for months.

From there, things didn’t magically disappear, but they started to shift.

So please, speak to someone you trust.

Ideally, a fellow mum who has been there and truly understands.

People will tell you to seek professional help, and if you can, amazing! But I know it’s easier said than done, so if speaking to a GP or doctor feels unbearable, speak to someone you trust first.

They can also help you find the confidence to speak to a doctor, or even go with you.

3. I stopped hiding how I felt

Once I opened up to my friend, I began speaking more honestly with more mums…

And I quickly understood that all of them struggled.

Some less than others, but none of them found it easy.

Not even the ones I had looked up to and admired for coping so well with everything.

When I realised I wasn’t alone, it was a huge eye-opener and the best medication I could have wished for.

So here’s my advice: gradually speak to more and more people.

Again, people you trust. If you choose the wrong person to speak to, it can go very wrong.

The more people you speak to, the lighter and more supported you will feel.

And as you know, support and community are everything.

4. I started asking for help like it was my job

Once I saw I wasn’t alone and started to treat myself with love, asking for help came to me somewhat naturally.

And boy did it make a difference!

As a new mum, you simply can’t to do it all.

The sooner you understand it, the better.

Most new mums (myself included) resist asking for help for too long… until they break down.

And then get help anyway.

So why not skip the breaking down part?

Your superpower isn’t in looking after your baby, cooking, cleaning, and functioning on two hours of sleep all at once.

Your superpower is in asking for help.

Family, friends, neighbours, community group… take it all. The more the better.

Ask for a hot meal, a shop run, someone holding the baby, a lift to an appointment, help with housework….

There’s a reason they say it takes a village. It really does.

You’re not meant to do this alone. You never have and you never will.

It all matters more than you think.

5. I found my purpose outside of motherhood

Over time, I decided to turn my experience with PPD into my superpower.

I started this blog, sharing my experience and everything I wish someone had told me earlier about life as a mum — so no mum ever has to feel like I did.

I published the book Motherhood: The Unspoken, where I share real stories from first time mums and the unspoken truths people don’t talk about, showing mums there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Often I had to write at night and sacrifice some sleep, but I didn’t care.

Writing lit my soul up, and sometimes I felt even better when I spent time writing instead of getting extra sleep.

So go back to your passions or discover new ones and do it.

When you have something else to focus on besides just the baby – something that fills you up with joy and excitement – it will help you tremendously.

Even if you only have 5 minutes a day, those 5 minutes can change everything.

6. The rest started to fall into place

Slowly but surely, things began to shift.

Once I started to feel a bit more hopeful, I began taking antidepressants, prioritising myself without guilt, and going to the gym. I know it sounds cliché, but exercise really can be a lifeline.

I can’t remember the exact order of everything.

I just know I kept taking small, conscious steps each day, and one morning I woke up and realised the heavy dark cloud on my chest had lifted.

And the sun was starting to shine through again.

If you want to read my full PPD story and hear real stories from other mums who have been there too, you can find them in my book Motherhood: The Unspoken.

How to get your family and partner involved

Postnatal depression is a condition many people don’t understand so getting the right support from family and friends can be hard.

Don’t be angry with them for not knowing more about the illness. You probably didn’t know either until it happened to you.

Sit down with them and calmly explain what it is, how it feels, and what you need from them.

You can also show them my post How to help a mum with postnatal depression.

Tell them exactly what they need.

Don’t expect them to read your mind or simply “know”.

They really don’t unless you tell them.

Of course, there are cases where family or friends haven’t been supported despite an open and honest talk. That’s why I can’t stress enough how important it is to talk to someone you trust and you know will support you first.

If your loved ones downplay the condition or don’t give you the support you need, there’s not much you can do about it.

Focus your energy on people and communities who are supportive.

When to seek urgent help

If you have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, call emergency services or a crisis line immediately.

If you’re feeling overwhelmingly overwhelmed, anxious to the point of panic, or unable to care for your baby safely, reach out for urgent support.

If you’ve tried steps for a while and aren’t getting better, ask for a second opinion or a medication review with your GP/doctor.

Mums in the UK

Emergency services

999 – ask for an ambulance or police
You can also go to your nearest A&E department

Crisis lines

Samaritans – Call 116 123 (free, 24/7)
NHS 111 – Call 111 and choose the mental health option if available in your area
Shout – Text SHOUT to 85258

Mums in the US

Emergency services

Call 911
Or go to the nearest emergency room

Crisis lines

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline – Call or text 988 (24/7)
Crisis Text Line – Text HOME to 741741

Final thoughts

If you’re struggling with postnatal depression right now, please know this: You won’t feel like this forever. There are brighter days just round the corner.

When I had PPD, I truly thought I would never feel happy again, but today, I can barely remember that stage.

I promise, you have so much to look forward to!

All you need to do is speak up, het help, and look after yourself.

Everything else will follow.

If you want to read my full PPD story and hear real stories from other mums who have been there too, you can find them in my book Motherhood: The Unspoken.

It’s for those moments when you need to be reminded: you are not alone, and you will be happy again.

How I Recovered From Postnatal Depression (And How You Can Too)

Postnatal depression recovery (from a mum who’s been there)

I thought my life was over…

What is postnatal (postpartum) depression

The myth of a quick fix