Ivana Poku Motherhood has two sides: the one people show you, and the one they don’t.
When Alex Jones, host of The One Show, opened up about her raw, emotional experience during those early months of motherhood, it struck a chord with so many women.
Her honesty peeled back the polished image of motherhood and revealed what countless mums live every day: the pressure, the exhaustion, the tears, and the overwhelming sense of being lost or failing.
Motherhood is not the picture-perfect journey we expected.
It’s a collision of joy and hardship, hope and heartbreak, strength and vulnerability.
Alex’s confession reminds us all that these struggles are real, common, and nothing to be ashamed of.
My heart does a little happy dance every time I see mums speak openly about the unspoken challenges of motherhood.
Because this is how we break the silence.
This is how talking about the challenges of early motherhood becomes as normal as sharing a painful childbirth story.
The reality of Breastfeeding Struggles – and Why It Resonates with So Many New Mums
When I read Alex’s confession that she spent the first few months of motherhood with “tears cascading down my cheeks” as she learnt to breastfeed…
It hit me way too hard.
It took me straight back to my own first months as a mum, when I was driven by the belief that a “good” mum breastfeeds no matter what.
So I tortured myself day and night, tears streaming down my face, clinging to the idea that quitting meant failing my baby.
The truth is, breastfeeding struggles are totally normal and incredibly common.
It often doesn’t happen naturally.
It’s a skill that needs to be learned.
So of course it’s also normal to face breastfeeding challenges in those early days.
Of course it’s normal to find it hard.
But when you’re in the thick of it, you feel like the only one who can’t get it right.
Like you’re somehow failing your baby.
If you’re struggling with breastfeeding right now, please know you are far from alone.
What you’re going through is a part of a journey many mums face but few openly talk about.
So be gentle with yourself.
Seek support when you need it.
And remember: the most amazing thing you can give to your baby is your happiness.
The Raw Reality of Motherhood No One Warns You About
Becoming a mum is a shock to the system. It takes time to adjust to the tidal wave of changes a baby brings.
Movies make it look so easy, don’t they?
You fall in love at first sight. The baby stage is all joy and cuddles. Your only real struggle is sleepless nights.
If only it were that simple.
Motherhood is the most transformational process you’ll ever go through, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Feeling sad, angry, or lonely isn’t just normal, it’s expected.
As Alex said: “Loneliness is one of the more unexpected feelings that can accompany motherhood… I was too scared to leave the house with a newborn.” (Prima, 2018)
She’s right. Except it should be expected.
In a world where mums have realistic expectations and aren’t drowning in shame or guilt, postpartum loneliness wouldn’t be such a shock, or a stigma.
Going back to work after having a baby
I was one of the “lucky” or “unlucky” ones who didn’t go back to work after my children.
Which, honestly, was both wonderful and painful.
Staying at home can put your sanity on the line just as much as going back too soon can. Both paths have their own challenges, and joys.
When you’re breastfeeding, returning to work after baby becomes even more complicated
As Alex shared: “I went back to work too soon. It destroyed my confidence trying to feed and be back at work.” (The Independent, 2018).
There’s no one-size-fits-all here. The key is listening to your gut and doing what’s right for you and your family.
Because motherhood is a collision of pressure, trauma, and transformation, but it’s also where extraordinary resilience is forged.
It’s the kind of strength you can only gain when your life is turned upside down and you have to rebuild yourself in the middle of the chaos.
One of the unexpected benefits Alex found in returning to work was: “Being a mother helps me to do my job… I’m better at my work now than I was before Ted… now I know what my priorities are.” (Telegraph, 2019)
The Pressure and Stigma Every Mum Faces
Modern mums are under enormous motherhood pressure.
You’re expected to do everything “right.” If you don’t, you face judgement, or a flood of unsolicited advice. Or both.
Alex nailed it: “We have this very odd way of putting women into boxes: ‘Ooh, she’s 36 with no kids, she must be career driven.’ It’s absolute nonsense.” (Metro, 2018)
Exactly.
People and lives are messy, colourful, and unique. Slapping labels on them is lazy.
We tend to label others through the lens of our own experiences, beliefs, and filters.
But just because your friend chose not to have children to focus on her career doesn’t mean that’s why every woman makes the same choice.
And even if it is, so what?
She’s not hurting anyone, and her life decisions are no one else’s business.
Motherhood is one of the most judged roles in society.
Whatever you do, someone will have an opinion, and they’ll share it.
But here’s the thing: judgement isn’t going anywhere. We all do it. Even me. Even you.
So instead of exhausting yourself trying to fight it, accept it for what it is.
Let it roll off your shoulders.
That’s how you take the pressure off and put your energy back into what truly matters.
Motherhood Mistakes Are Not Failures – They’re Growth Opportunities
We all make mistakes.
As Alex put it, “Some days I don’t think it’s possible. I try to be the best mother I can be, but some days I’m absolutely awful at it.” (The One Show, 2023)
And that’s okay!
We’re not supposed to get it all right.
Perfection might look nice on paper, but in real life it’s dull, and it robs us of growth.
And where there’s no growth, there’s only stagnation.
Instead of seeing mistakes as something to avoid, see them for what they are: inevitable opportunities to grow.
Sometimes growth simply looks like giving yourself compassion.
Remember, children don’t come with a manual.
There is no “perfect” way to parent (no matter what the experts and “experts” say).
So let go of the pressure, embrace imperfection, and choose what feels right for you and your family.
Final Thoughts – Why Speaking Up Matters
If you’ve faced breastfeeding struggles, postpartum loneliness, or the crushing pressure of motherhood, you are far from alone.
The more we speak about the real experiences of motherhood, the more we dismantle the shame and unrealistic expectations that keep so many women suffering in silence.
Motherhood will challenge you, break you open, and rebuild you into someone stronger than you ever thought possible.
And that strength?
It’s worth talking about.
With all my love,
Ivana xx
