Ivana Poku 50% of new mums battle postnatal depression in silence—and many don’t even recognise the condition.
To put it another way, approximately every other mum leaves the hospital silently struggling.
When I say this is a lot, it doesn’t quite capture the weight of it.
It’s a scary lot.
An alarming lot.
Especially because every expecting mum spends so much time preparing for the arrival of her baby.
She attends antenatal classes, appointments, asks questions, reads books…
Yet, when the baby arrives, she often feels completely unprepared—and as a result, she struggles.
Why?
I believe one of the main reasons (if not the main one) is, ironically, the antenatal and prenatal classes themselves.
More specifically, the content and how they are delivered.
The truth is, most antenatal classes focus heavily on the birth itself, giving little to no attention to life after the baby arrives or to postnatal mental health.
So it’s no surprise that most first-time mums step into motherhood feeling utterly unprepared for the realities of life after birth.
This often leaves them feeling confused, ashamed, and silently struggling—sometimes without even recognising the signs of postnatal depression.
I know this all too well.
After having my twins in 2016, I suffered from severe postnatal depression (PPD). But despite having some knowledge of the condition, I didn’t recognise it in myself.
I thought I was simply failing.
And even when it crossed my mind that it could be postnatal depression, I felt ashamed for even considering it.
In my head, PPD wasn’t something I would have—it was something that affected “crazy” or “weak” women.
So, I quickly buried the idea and continued to struggle.
Here’s the heartbreaking irony:
I was more willing to struggle alone than to admit the possibility that I might have postnatal depression.
Even when I was suicidal and had thoughts of harming my children, the idea of acknowledging a mental illness (let alone PPD!) felt impossible.
Surely, this is a glaring sign that something is broken in the system.
So the question is, how can we change it?
The best thing we can do is to start with ourselves, and be open and honest about how we really feel in motherhood.
To stop pretending we have it all together when we don’t.
That we are OK when we’re not.
That we are happy when we’re not.
It’s not easy, but it’s incredibly liberating. For yourself and for others, as it creates a safe space where they feel comfortable to share too.
By being open and honest with each other, we can make a MASSIVE difference.
So big, that it won’t even matter what’s said in those classes about postpartum life. Because mums will simply know what to expect about life after the baby arrives (or at least have a much more realistic idea) and won’t feel like failures if they don’t beam with joy and happiness.
This is what I am committed to every single day.
Sure, I wrote the book Motherhood – the Unspoken and created the online course for expecting mums that fills the gap in postnatal education.
But I never stopped being open and honest about the realities of life as a new mum with others.
Because I know that’s the most powerful way to create lasting change.
Yes, it will take time for this message to spread across the globe.
But the sooner we start, the sooner it will happen.
Start today.
With love,
Ivana
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