Do you feel overwhelmed by your thoughts and/or feelings?
I believe it won’t be anything new for you when I advise you to talk about it. Especially when these thoughts/feelings can significantly impact your mental health. Especially when you are a new mum dealing with feelings of sadness, failure, overwhelm, loneliness, isolation… Talking is undoubtedly the best thing you can do.
The reason is simple. Talking can literally save you.
With the Mother’s day approaching, I cannot help thinking back to my first Mother’s day as a mum.
Our boys were about 11 months and I had just started to get back on track after a devastating experience of postnatal depression.
I remember being really excited about having to experience my first Mother’s day as a mum, however, the real experience wasn’t (as a lot of my other first experiences with motherhood) as special as I imagined it to be.
If you read my story, you know it took me a few months to develop a real bond with my children. My first year as a mother was the hardest year of my life and I cannot even start to explain how it feels when you are expected to be happy when all you want is to cry and turn back time.
I’ve been through a lot during my life. My childhood was tough, my parents got divorced when I was only five, I went through some bad relationships and through a divorce. I suffered major depression and anxiety (which still lasts), I lost a baby…
And yet, when I talk to other people and listen to their stories, it feels like mine is not very unique.
Do you know what I mean?
Every person on this planet has their story. And no one has a purely easy life.
If you are an expecting first-time mum, the contents of this post will probably take you by surprise (perhaps even shock you), but please bear in mind that the last thing I want to do is to freak you out.
All I want is to get you more prepared for what is to come.
Why would I want that?
Tell the truth, if you are more prepared, the less shocked you are when the time comes. And the less shocked you are, the better chance you have to avoid postnatal mental issues and other problems many first-time mums experience.
For, believe me, in most cases the reason for new mums suffering from postnatal mental problems is unrealistic expectations of motherhood and a shock that comes with the arrival of a baby.
I sit on my seat by the window in a packed train fighting the wave of anxiety that is tirelessly trying to get to me. For those who do not know this about me, I suffer from an anxiety disorder. Oh, and also claustrophobia. (But not to worry, I also have a great sense of humour, so it balances it out.)
And when I say I sit by the window,… Well, the window actually takes up only about 40 % of the space next to me. The rest of my view is just something big, plastic and totally useless.
I look at the guy next to me who made it clear just a minute ago that he would not swap a seat. Perhaps that is why I don’t really feel like confessing I suffer mental issues, so I let him enjoy his blind victory and close my eyes in a hope that the tension in my heart will pass.
I came across her one evening after having a very bad day with the boys while engaged in with a FB group. The moment I read her story, my eyes filled with tears. It was not only the story itself that caught my attention. It was also the strength and bravery I felt from her words. Instantly I forgot about everything that had bothered me before and sensed an indescribable rush of gratitude. I knew I would need to speak to this lady and share her powerful story with you. Continue reading “A mother’s shocking and inspiring story that will stay with you forever”
Have you realised lately that you have not been talking to your partner about anything but the daily life? Did you use to have lots of fun together and now you cannot remember last time you had a laugh? Have you found yourself stuck in a place you promised yourself you would never be? Trust me, it is not just you. Many couples slide into a certain monotony after they become parents. And then it is only up them whether they allow this monotony to challenge their relationship or to slowly kill it. Continue reading “Don’t let your child tear your relationship apart”
I often get the question, especially from new mums, asking what it is like for me to be a mum compared to the beginning. Well, to be totally honest, nothing in this world compares to the nightmare you go through at the beginning.
When I became a mum, I could not understand other mums when they said that it is all worth it. What on earth can be worth this torture? I used to think. However, today I totally understand.
As I mentioned a million times before, becoming a mum is a shock. Your life changes from one day to another and suddenly you hold in your arms a crying baby who totally depends on you. It is like as if someone locked you with an elephant in a room and threw the keys away (assuming you have zero knowledge about elephants). I am sure you agree that this would be a massive load for any kind of living being.
I will never forget the day we temporarily moved into the room at the hospital’s special care unit where our boys were born. I was home packing some basic stuff for us and knew that we would not come back soon. The senior midwife at the hospital told me earlier on that the boys would need to put on some weight and be able to eat on their own in order to be discharged as at the time they were still being fed by feeding tubes.
I got to our room around noon and as soon as I got there a huge load of anxiety hit me straight to the pit of the stomach. The reason was due to how small the room was and my anxiety which I get when appearing in small or limited spaces. I say more about the events prior to this day in the post My birth story.