Do you feel overwhelmed by your thoughts and/or feelings?
I believe it won’t be anything new for you when I advise you to talk about it. Especially when these thoughts/feelings can significantly impact your mental health. Especially when you are a new mum dealing with feelings of sadness, failure, overwhelm, loneliness, isolation… Talking is undoubtedly the best thing you can do.
The reason is simple. Talking can literally save you.
With the Mother’s day approaching, I cannot help thinking back to my first Mother’s day as a mum.
Our boys were about 11 months and I had just started to get back on track after a devastating experience of postnatal depression.
I remember being really excited about having to experience my first Mother’s day as a mum, however, the real experience wasn’t (as a lot of my other first experiences with motherhood) as special as I imagined it to be.
If you read my story, you know it took me a few months to develop a real bond with my children. My first year as a mother was the hardest year of my life and I cannot even start to explain how it feels when you are expected to be happy when all you want is to cry and turn back time.
If you are an expecting first-time mum, the contents of this post will probably take you by surprise (perhaps even shock you), but please bear in mind that the last thing I want to do is to freak you out.
All I want is to get you more prepared for what is to come.
Why would I want that?
Tell the truth, if you are more prepared, the less shocked you are when the time comes. And the less shocked you are, the better chance you have to avoid postnatal mental issues and other problems many first-time mums experience.
For, believe me, in most cases the reason for new mums suffering from postnatal mental problems is unrealistic expectations of motherhood and a shock that comes with the arrival of a baby.
I came across her one evening after having a very bad day with the boys while engaged in with a FB group. The moment I read her story, my eyes filled with tears. It was not only the story itself that caught my attention. It was also the strength and bravery I felt from her words. Instantly I forgot about everything that had bothered me before and sensed an indescribable rush of gratitude. I knew I would need to speak to this lady and share her powerful story with you. Continue reading “A mother’s shocking and inspiring story that will stay with you forever”
Have you realised lately that you have not been talking to your partner about anything but the daily life? Did you use to have lots of fun together and now you cannot remember last time you had a laugh? Have you found yourself stuck in a place you promised yourself you would never be? Trust me, it is not just you. Many couples slide into a certain monotony after they become parents. And then it is only up them whether they allow this monotony to challenge their relationship or to slowly kill it. Continue reading “Don’t let your child tear your relationship apart”
I often get the question, especially from new mums, asking what it is like for me to be a mum compared to the beginning. Well, to be totally honest, nothing in this world compares to the nightmare you go through at the beginning.
When I became a mum, I could not understand other mums when they said that it is all worth it. What on earth can be worth this torture? I used to think. However, today I totally understand.
As I mentioned a million times before, becoming a mum is a shock. Your life changes from one day to another and suddenly you hold in your arms a crying baby who totally depends on you. It is like as if someone locked you with an elephant in a room and threw the keys away (assuming you have zero knowledge about elephants). I am sure you agree that this would be a massive load for any kind of living being.
I have recently come across an interview with the psychologist on the subject of maternity, which made me think about many things.
The article was talking about ‘cry out’ method (controlled crying method) and its negative impact on childhood psychological development. One particular sentence was of great interest to me. ‘Only a heartless parent can let a child cry out’, stated there in black and white. If I do not take into account the fact that some psychologists support or recommend this method, I was astonished by the boldness of this statement.
I see a similar attitude in many other things. It’s as though people forget sometimes that there are two sides to everything. Let’s take breastfeeding. ‘The right mother breastfeeds her baby’, ‘Do everything for you to breastfeed’, ‘Do not give up, your baby needs breastfeeding the most’ and so on. From each direction, we are cluttered by the phenomenon of breastfeeding and its magical effect on our child’s life. Every new mother, therefore, feels she has to breastfeed and if she does not, she is not a good mother.
I often watch future mums getting ready for the arrival of their children, studying everything about a birth, being happy that they are ready for everything… There is nothing wrong with it, of course.
However, I always see these mums being astonished when the baby comes into the world. Suddenly they find that the birth is just a beginning. Despite studying 20 books, attending pregnancy yoga regularly and consulting everything beforehand with experienced mums, they feel they were not ready for anything. There is nothing wrong with that either. The truth is that no mother can be ready for what really comes with motherhood.
I believe you will agree with me when I say that a woman doesn’t know what maternity is about until she becomes a mother herself. Often I see pregnant women around me during their first year after their baby is born planning or trying for the second child etc. I wasn’t any different, of course. “What can surprise me now? I know I will not sleep, that it will be hard, that the baby will always cry, but I will handle it and one day it will pass”, you think.
However, in reality, each of us is surprised by their own reactions and feelings. Suddenly you find that it’s not only about sleeping deprivation and changing nappies, but especially about the inner battle between love and madness.
Like probably every future mother, I was also conscientiously preparing for the arrival of my children. I read a lot, I asked, I listened … However, when they came into this world, I felt like I didn’t know anything at all.
Theoretically, I was armed, but practically completely disarmed. Yes, I knew I wanted to breastfeed, but I didn’t know how hard it would be to learn it. I knew I’d need to avoid stress, but I didn’t know that under the circumstances it would be as simple as avoiding breathing. I knew I was going to have a deficiency of sleep, but I didn’t know the mental impact it would have on me. These all are things no one gets you ready for. The more likely it is then for them to take us by surprise later and often also take control of us.