5 Tips For Setting Healthy Boundaries As An Overwhlemed Mum

Are you an overwhelmed mum who wishes she could say NO without feeling guilty?

You’re not the only one.

We’ve all been there: kids finally asleep, a glass of wine in hand, Netflix ready to go… and then the phone rings.

You glance at the screen. It’s your mum.

You know it’s nothing major, she just want a quick chat.

But after a day filled with nappies, tantrums, and mental overload, chatting on the phone is the last thing you want to do.

So, you let it ring.

Then comes the text: “Can you talk?”

You want to say no, but that little pang of mum guilt kicks in.

So you call them back and end up chatting for 20 minutes.

And afterwards? You feel even more drained than before, like the little energy you had left has been completely zapped.

Sound familiar?

Let’s be real: mum life is full of these moments.

Maybe it’s a visitor who overstays while bedtime is creeping closer.

You subtly mention it’s almost time to start the evening routine… but they don’t budge.

You want to ask them to leave, but a part of you thinks, “That would be mean.”

And just like that, you give up the family time you’ve been looking forward to all day.

The truth is, learning to say no isn’t easy.

Especially when you’re an overwhelmed mum who feels guilty for putting herself first.

But it’s essential for your mental health, happiness, and relationships.

Why Mums Struggle to Say NO

Ever since we became mums, our priorities have shifted.

But not everyone around us automatically understands that.

Some people empathise, others don’t.

Not because they’re selfish, but because they see life through a different lens.

And so we find ourselves torn, do we please others at the cost of our own well-being?

Or do we finally honour our needs, risking the chance of upsetting someone?

Here’s the good news: You can learn to say no confidently,without the guilt.

In this post, I share my top five tips to help you do exactly that.

1. Listen to Your Intuition

Your intuition is like an internal compass. It tells you when something feels right, and when it doesn’t.

The problem is, we often ignore it out of guilt or fear of upsetting others.

Think about it: how many times have you said yes to a coffee date, a playdate, or a favour, when deep down you were screaming for some alone time?

How did you feel afterwards?

Probably drained, resentful, and frustrated with yourself for not listening to that inner voice.

Here’s the thin: your intuition isn’t just a feeling.

It’s a form of self-care.

If your gut says, “I need rest today,” that’s a valid reason to cancel plans or turn down a request.

The more you listen to it, the easier it becomes to make choices that protect your mental health.

2. Remember: You Have the Same Rights as Everyone Else

One of the biggest reasons mums struggle to say no is because we feel like we don’t have the right to.

We put everyone else’s needs above our own: our kids, our partners, our friends, even distant relatives.

But here’s a gentle reminder: you are a person too. Your needs matter. Your time matters. Your energy matters.

If someone cancels on you, you probably don’t hate them for it. You understand. You might even be relieved (hello, unexpected night off!).

So why wouldn’t they feel the same if the roles were reversed?

Start reminding yourself daily: “My needs are just as important as theirs.”

3. Use Gentle Language

Sometimes, it’s not about what we say but how we say it.

The right words can make a world of difference when setting boundaries.

For example, instead of bluntly saying, “I’m not in the mood,” try: “I’d love to catch up, but I’m completely wiped out today. Can we pick another day?”

This shows you value the person, but also your wellbeing.

I share more tips on how to protect your wellbeing here:

It’s clear, kind, and respectful.

And if someone tries to push back?

That’s on them.

You didn’t do anything wrong.

Repeat your boundary, and remember: you don’t need to over-explain.

4. Don’t Own Other People’s Feelings

Here’s the hard truth: some people will still get offended when you say no.

But that’s about them, not you.

You can’t control how others react.

What you can control is how you communicate, with honesty, kindness, and clarity.

If you’ve done that, you’ve done your part. Their feelings? Not your responsibility.

Think about it: when someone else cancels plans with you, do you hold a grudge?

Probably not.

So don’t assume others will either.

And if they do, it says something about their own insecurities, not yours.

5. Set Clear Boundaries (And Stick to Them)

Boundaries are like house rules for your emotional well-being.

They tell people what’s okay and what’s not.

Maybe that means:

No phone calls during nap time.
No unexpected visitors after 7 p.m.
No saying yes to plans just to keep people happy.

At first, people might push back.

They might even try to guilt you into changing your mind.

But if you stay consistent, they’ll learn to respect your limits.

And here’s the best part: boundaries don’t just protect your time.

They protect your innner peace and your energy.

Take a Lesson from Your Kids

Children are amazing at expressing their needs.

When they’re hungry, they ask.

When they’re tired, they say (or scream) it.

They don’t sit there thinking, “What will others think if I scream now?”

Now, I’m not suggesting you should copy their behaviour.

But you can definitley be inspired by their confidence and by how they value their needs.

They know what they want, and they don’t feel guilty for asking.

And neither should you.

Final Thoughts

Saying no isn’t rude.

I’ts not a ngeative response.

It’s simply a reposnse.

It’s about honouring yourself so you can show up as the best version of you: for your kids, your family, and yourself.

Start small.

Practice saying no in low-pressure situations.

And most importantly, remind yourself daily: You matter.

With love,

Ivana xx