8 Motherhood Facts Every First-Time Mum Is Shocked to Discover

First-Time Mum? These 8 Motherhood Facts Will Shake You to Your Core

When I was pregnant with our twin boys, I did what every first-time mum does.

I read books about motherhood.

I attended antenatal classes.

I asked questions.

I spoke to other mums.

Yet when the boys arrived, I felt like I knew NOTHING.

I felt completely out of my depth, like I’d been thrown into the deep end and watched to drown.

And the truth is… my story isn’t unique.

Every first time mum feels this way – in one way or another. 

We enter motherhood with high hopes and well-meaning plans, only to be hit by a reality no one really warned us about.

Why?

Because so much of what actually matters – the emotional shifts, the identity changes, the mental load – is barely mentioned, even in antenatal classes.

They teach you how to breathe through contractions and change a nappy… but not how to cope when you haven’t slept in days and feel like a stranger in your own body.

That’s why so many mums struggle unnecessarily and lose precious time they could enjoy with their little ones.

And that’s why I’m here.

In today’s post, I’m sharing 8 crucial facts about life after baby that most mums (myself including) learn too late.

These insights will give you the clarity and confidence to navigate those intense first weeks of motherhood – and spare you from a lot of unnecessary pain, struggle, and overwhelm.

(I promise, I would’ve given anything to know these truths before becoming a mum.)

Let’s dive in!

1. You may NOT love your baby right away

As a new mum, you probably expect that the moment you see your baby, all your maternal instincts will kick in, and that you’ll feel an overwhelming rush of unconditional love.

But did you know that, for most mums, this just doesn’t happen immediately?

Personally, it took me several months before my love for my boys fully formed and settled.

The truth is, maternal love is a process that develops over time.

So if you don’t feel an instant bond when you first see your baby, remember: there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you.

It’s completely normal and natural.

2. Breastfeeding is a skill every new mum needs to learn

When you’re pregnant, one of the most common questions you get asked is, “Are you planning to breastfeed?”

However, no one tells you that breastfeeding doesn’t happen naturally.

It’s a skill that needs to be taught, and the process can be long and painful, both physically and emotionally.

I was shocked to discover that babies don’t automatically latch on, and despite your best efforts, sometimes it just doesn’t work out the way you hoped.

I’m a big supporter of breastfeeding but only if it supports you, too.

Because if it’s damaging your mental or physical wellbeing, it’s more than okay to explore other options.

Remember: what your baby needs most isn’t breastmilk, it’s your happiness.

3. You will NOT feel happy all the time as a new mum

That’s right, the idea of “enjoying every moment” is often more of a movie moment than reality.

Especially in those early days, there will be times when you absolutely hate motherhood.

And that’s ok!

The first few weeks and months can be filled with tears, self-doubt, and even wondering if you made the right decision to have children.

It’s raw, it’s messy, and it’s completely normal.

Becoming a mum is one of the biggest transformations a woman can go through.

You can’t expect to glide through it like a gentle breeze, because it’s not.

Your entire life changes overnight, but you simply can’t adjust to it from one day to the next.

And that’s okay.

You won’t feel like this forever.

So be kind to yourself, mama.

You’re not failing, you’re adjusting.

And with each new day, you’re growing into the incredible mum your baby already knows you are.

4. You have to to get your partner involved with the baby

This might seem obvious, but so many new mums feel that caring for the baby is their job alone.

It’s not.

When you take it all on yourself, not only do you risk burning out, but the baby can unintentionally come between you and your partner.

And just as importantly, you’re depriving your partner of precious bonding time with their baby.

They need those early moments too.

To learn, to connect, to build that relationship in their own way.

Of course, some partners may be unsure how to help—or may not seem interested at all.

If that sounds familiar, check out my post How to Get Your Partner to Help With the Baby.

But here’s the rule:

Parenthood is a team effort.

Let them in. Ask for support.

And give your partner the space to grow into their role, just as you’re growing into yours.

Becoming a mum is a huge change, so it takes time to adjust.

Not enjoying every moment is totally normal and natural, especially in those first weeks and months.

5. Planning is mostly for your peace of mind

As a mum-to-be, you probably have detailed plans for how you’ll raise your children.

I was no different.

In fact, I spent years soaking up information.

I thought I knew exactly how I’d parent, what I’d allow, how I’d set boundaries, how I’d calmly and effectively get my kids to cooperate…

Ha!

Then reality arrived, with two tiny humans who had absolutely no interest in my well-thought-out plans.

Very quickly, many of my “parenting resolutions” were naturally replaced by real-life needs—and looking back, I realise just how naïve some of them were.

Because the truth is: some things you simply can’t plan for.

Of course, it’s great to think things through and consider how you’d like to handle certain situations. It gives you a sense of direction and calm.

But don’t be afraid to ditch the plan when real life calls for something else.

Go with the flow. Trust your instincts. Adjust as you go.

Because children open the door to a world you can only understand once you’re living it.

6. As a new mum, you will grieve the old version of you

No one really prepares you for the loss that comes with becoming a mum.

Yes, you gain so much: love, purpose, a whole new identity.

But with that gain often comes a quiet, deep grief for the life you left behind.

The freedom to sleep in, to be spontaneous, to shower in peace.

The version of you who wasn’t constantly “on,” who had time to dream, create, or simply be.

You may miss your old job, your old body, your old lifestyle.

And that’s ok. It’s normal.

Grieving your past self doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby.

It just means you’re adjusting to a life-altering transformation.

Be kind to yourself. That version of you isn’t gone forever, she’s evolving.

And you will find your way back to her in a new, beautiful form.

7. You will be shocked by your thougths and emotions

No woman feels exactly how she imagined she would after becoming a mum.

Full stop.

The emotions hit differently.

Sometimes they’re softer, sometimes they’re louder, and sometimes they completely knock the wind out of you.

You might cry for no reason.

You might feel disconnected, terrified, joyful, lonely, euphoric — or all of those in the same hour.

It’s not what you expected… and that’s ok!

Motherhood doesn’t follow a script, especially not the emotional one.

The important thing is to allow yourself to feel, without guilt or shame.

Your emotions aren’t wrong – they’re just part of your transformation.

The same goes for thoughts.

Especially in the immediate postpartum, you might find yourself experiencing intrusive or unsettling thoughts.

It can be terrifying, but remember: they’re just thoughts.

They don’t define you, and they don’t make you a bad mum.

Acknowledge them, feel them if you need to, but know they are not the truth.

Your mind is processing so much right now, and it’s ok to not have all the answers or feel at ease right away.

8. A new mum needs more help than you think

8 Motherhood Facts Every First-Time Mum Is Shocked to Discover

There you have it!

Real, honest truths about motherhood that most mums only discover too late.

Which one resonated with you the most? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences!

Drop a comment below or DM me on Instagram and let’s keep this important conversation going.

Remember, you’re not alone on this journey. We’re in it together.

With all my love and support,
Ivana xx

Discover the secrets about life as a new mum no one talks about – and get real support from a mum of three who’s been there, in my course Happy Motherhood Journey. Click HERE to learn more.