Ivana Poku Is the Newborn Stage the Hardest?
The short answer is YES!
One hundred percent, absolutely, undeniably, yes.
But not for the reasons people usually throw at you.
You’ve probably seen the posts floating around on social media, right? The ones with side-by-side comparisons of baby stages – how the newborn phase is supposedly “easier” because the baby can’t walk, talk, scream “Mum!” every two seconds, or dump spaghetti onto the ceiling fan.
So on paper? Sure. Newborns are tiny, mostly stationary, they sleep a lot (in theory), and they don’t answer back.
But those posts? They miss the point. Completely.
Because what makes the newborn stage the hardest isn’t the baby.
It’s not the feeding. Not the nappies. Not even the crying, although, yes, it can feel like a jackhammer in your brain at 3am.
It’s the shock to the system.
The complete and utter upheaval of your world.
The Earthquake Prenatal Classes Didn’t Warn You About
The newborn stage is like a silent earthquake.
Your life splits down the middle overnight. And you’re just standing there, holding a baby in one arm and crying crocodile tears in the other.
Nothing prepares you for that.
No antenatal class. No baby book. No one’s Instagram reel with matching muslins.
You become a mum in an instant, but your mind takes months to catch up.
You grieve, and you don’t even know that’s what’s happening.
You grieve your freedom, the old version of you, your spontaneity.
You grieve you – the woman who didn’t have to plan a shower like it’s a GP appointment.
And no one tells you it’s okay and natural to feel that way.
The Baby Hormones Hit Like a Tsunami
Your hormones are crashing and spiralling like they’re in a mosh pit.
One minute you’re in love with your baby’s little fingers, the next you’re sobbing because you put the cereal in the fridge.
You’re sleep-deprived to the point where time bends.
You don’t know what day it is, you can’t remember when you last washed your hair, and if someone says “sleep when the baby sleeps” one more time, you might hurl a muslin at their face.
And through all this? You’re supposed to smile.
Say how “blessed” you feel.
Pretend you’re not secretly Googling, “Is it normal to regret having a baby?”
Spoiler: it is.
And it doesn’t make you a bad mum.
It makes you human.
As a New Mum, You’re Living on Autopilot
In those early months, life can feel mechanical.
Feed. Wind. Nappy. Soothe. Repeat.
You go through the motions, ticking boxes, trying to keep your head above water.
You don’t feel like a person anymore.
Just a provider of milk. A nappy-changing unit. A shell.
You feel like you’re not getting anything back.
Even if you’re surrounded by people, you can feel terrifyingly alone.
Because no one sees the full truth of what you’re carrying inside.
It’s Especially Brutal With the First Baby
The first time is like being thrown into the ocean without a life jacket.
You don’t know what’s normal. You question everything. You wonder if you’ll ever feel “normal” again.
And even with a second or third child, it’s still a massive adjustment.
Because it’s not just another baby.
It’s a whole new dynamic.
A new version of your life. A new version of you.
Yes, Other Stages Of Motherhood Bring Their Own Chaos
As the baby growns, things can get harder. Objectively.
Toddlers are chaos in human form.
Older kids argue, question, resist, and push every boundary you never knew existed.
You lose your patience. You raise your voice. You worry about messing them up.
But here’s the thing: By then, you’ve adjusted.
Your hormones aren’t swinging from chandelier to floor.
You’re not at risk of postnatal depression or psychosis.
You’re not living minute to minute, surviving.
You’re still exhausted, sure. But you have emotional footing.
You’ve found a new rhythm, however messy it looks.
Nature Has a Sneaky Trick
Over time, the brutal parts of the newborn stage blur.
Your brain lets them fade. (Maybe so you’ll have another baby?)
And suddenly, the stage you’re in now feels the hardest.
Because it is hard, just in different ways.
But the way you feel about it has changed.
You’ve changed.
You’re stronger now. Wiser.
More aware of your triggers and boundaries.
You’ve built up resilience that didn’t exist before.
That doesn’t mean it’s easy.
But it means you are no longer as fragile.
So… Is the Newborn Stage the Hardest?
Yes.
Not because of the baby.
But because of what it demands of you.
It demands your body, your mind, your identity.
It tears down the person you were and expects you to rebuild, while feeding a tiny human every two hours and remembering to drink water.
It’s invisible work.
But it’s the most powerful transformation a person can go through.
So if you’re in the thick of it, please know this: You’re not failing. You’re becoming.
And you won’t feel like this forever.
I promise!
With all my love,
Ivana xx
