11 Postpartum Emotions No One Warned Me About

Last Updated on October 11, 2026 by Ivana Poku

Before you become a mum, you have a certain idea of what having a baby will feel like.

You imagine it will be the most amazing and fulfilling time of your life:

You’ll fall head over heels in love with your baby, cherish every moment, and have the most amazing time of your life.

But when it happened, nothing was like you’d expected.

Instead of feeling joy, you might feel sad, lonely, angry, overwhelmed, or even wonder whether you’ve made a terrible mistake!

And naturally, you start asking yourself: Is it just me?

I’m so glad you’re here, because I want you to know that it’s definitely not just you!

Becoming a mum can bring up all sorts of emotions that nobody really prepares you for. Some are beautiful, some are uncomfortable, and some downright frightening.

Yet they’re often normal and even to be expected.

But since people don’t talk about it, I wrote this post with 9 postpartum emotions I wish someone had warned me about – so you can better understand what you’re feeling and know that you’re not alone in what you’re experiencing.

But first, hello!

I’m Ivana, a mum of three boys (including twins), author of Motherhood – The Unspoken, on a mission to create a world where mums don’t struggle in silence. I started this blog, Mumsjourney, after I overcame postnatal depression to help other mums feel seen and supported.

If you’re a new mum in the thick of things, check out my 27 affirmations for instant relief. They’re free, and they’ll help you feel lighter in seconds!

Table of Contents

Why motherhood can bring up so many unexpected emotions

Becoming a mum is one of the most transformative experiences of a woman’s life.

Yet somehow, we’re expected to navigate it all with a smile on our faces, as though having a baby is something we should instinctively know how to do.

Think about any major change you’ve experienced in your life. Even positive changes took time to get used to, didn’t they?

Motherhood is no different. In fact, it can turn almost every part of your life upside down:

your body
your relationships
your routines
your identity
the way you see yourself

So why would you expect to adjust overnight?

This transition into motherhood is sometimes called matrescence. It means the change of becoming a mother, and it’s as big as going through puberty.

So it makes sense that it brings up all kinds of feelings, not just the happy ones you see in movies.

I talk about matrescence in more detail in this post.

Now, let’s look at the common postpartum emotions no one warns you about.

11 Postpartum emotions nobody warns you about

1. Slow bonding: Why don’t I feel that rush of love?

Before I became a mum, I imagined meeting my babies would be the most magical moment of my life.

Most of us do.

You picture holding them in your arms, looking into their eyes and feeling an overwhelming rush of joy.

But did you know that this isn’t always the case?

Many mums (myself included) feel nothing special the first time they meet their baby.

The maternal bond with your baby grows over time.

At the beginning, your baby may feel like a stranger. And they are, because you don’t know them and they don’t know you.

I know how painful it can be when your feelings don’t match your expectations.

Personally, I thought there was something wrong with me.

But today I know that if you don’t feel the immediate connection, it doesn’t mean you won’t love your baby. And it certainly doesn’t mean you’re a bad mum.

Give yourself time to get to know your baby and let your relationship grow at its own pace.

And please, do not force yourself to feel something you think you “should”.

When you’re becoming a mum, there is no “right” or “wrong” way to feel. All your feelings (or lack of them) are okay.

2. Feeling trapped: Is this my life now?

Nobody really prepares you for how much your life can change when you have a baby.

Suddenly, even the simplest things can become hard or complicated:

having a shower
eating a meal
leaving the house

Every day revolves around the baby, and there’s no time left for you.

And then you may feel guilty and tell yourself you shouldn’t complain because you chose to have a baby.

But hear me out: you can love your baby, be grateful for them and feel trapped.

It’s not either/or.

You are still a person with your own needs, interests and dreams, and you don’t stop mattering just because you’re a mum.

3. Missing your old life: Where did the old me go?

This one can be difficult to admit.

You’re holding the baby you’ve been waiting for, and you miss your old life:

your freedom
your independence
your sleep
who you were before becoming a mum

And then you feel guilty, because you wanted this baby, so how can you possibly feel sad?

But here’s the thing:

Becoming a mum means gaining something wonderful, but it also means losing or changing parts of the life you once knew.

So it’s totally normal to miss your old life.

You’re adjusting to a big change.

I talk more about postpartum grief and missing your old life in this post.

4. Loneliness: Why do I feel alone when I’m never on my own?

This one was especially hard for me personally.

When our twins arrived, I felt incredibly lonely, even though I had many amazing people around me.

During pregnancy, everyone wanted to know how I was feeling. But once my twins arrived, it was all about them and I felt invisible.

How are the babies sleeping?

Are they feeding well?

How much do they weigh?

Everyone seemed to care about the babies, but who would check on me?

Of course, I felt guilty for thinking this way.

But this feeling actually makes perfect sense.

Because it’s not you being “too sensitive”. Everyone really does focus on the baby, and often forgets that you need looking after too.

You’re not selfish for wanting someone to ask how you’re doing.

You matter just as much as your baby!

5. Sadness: Why am I not happy?

This is probably one of the most confusing feelings for new mums.

You’ve been told that having a baby will be the happiest time of your life. So when you feel sad or don’t enjoy your baby, you might wonder what’s wrong with you.

But motherhood can bring sadness for many reasons.

You’re adjusting to a completely different life:

you’re exhausted
your hormones are all over the place
you are recovering physically from birth.
your life has changed overnight
you are overwhelmed by your new responsibilities

That’s too much happening at once.

It’s only understandable if you feel sad and don’t enjoy every moment.

6. Rage: Why am I Angry With Everyone?

You might find yourself getting annoyed with everyone or everything.

Your partner asks if you’re ok, or someone comes to visit, and you want to scream at them.

Personally, I was getting angry whenever someone came to visit the babies in the early days. I couldn’t explain why; I just didn’t want anyone around me.

Some mums get especially angry with their partner. Others feel irritated by family members, visitors or even the sound of their baby crying.

Postpartum rage is normal and don’t worry – it doesn’t mean you’re going to be an angry mum forever.

7. Intrusive thoughts: What if something terrible happens?

Intrusive thoughts can be really scary.

You may be having a normal day when a horrible thought suddenly pops into your head:

What if I drop the baby?

What if I accidentally hurt them?

What if something terrible happens to them?

Sometimes, these thoughts can feel even scarier.

You might picture yourself hurting your baby, even though it’s the last thing you would ever want to do.

And then you worry:

Why am I thinking this? Does it mean something is wrong with me?

I want you to know that having intrusive thoughts is normal and it doesn’t mean you want it to happen.

It’s your brain on high alert, scanning for anything that could hurt your baby.

And they feel upsetting precisely because they’re the opposite of what you want.

However, if you feel you might act on thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, seek urgent medical help.

8. Reawakening your inner child: Why is my past coming back up?

A few days after giving birth, I remember feeling like a little girl again.

I wondered, Who’s going to look after me now? Who’s going to chase the monsters from underneath my bed?

I felt so lonely and somewhat needy.

After all, I was a grown woman with two babies of my own. Wasn’t I supposed to be the one looking after everyone else?

But looking back, I know I simply needed someone to look after me, too. (Which is totally normal!)

When you become a mum, you suddenly have a tiny human who depends on you for everything. And sometimes, that can bring up old feelings from your own childhood.

You might find yourself thinking about how you were treated as a child, what you needed but didn’t get, or how much you wish someone would take care of you for a change.

This is one way to understand what people mean when they talk about your inner child.

Your inner child is the younger version of you that still carries memories and feelings from when you were little.

And becoming a parent often brings these feelings to the surface.

That’s why it’s crucial you give yourself the love and compassion you need. I’ll share how you can do that in simple steps in my upcoming ebook “Learn To Love Yourself”.

9. Numbness: Why do I feel nothing?

Sometimes, you don’t feel anything at all.

You just go through the same routine every day:

feed the baby
change the nappy
try to get the baby to sleep
start all over again.

And soon you begin to feel like a robot.

You’re doing everything your baby needs, but you feel like an empty shell with no life inside.

I know how difficult this can be, but here’s what I want you to know.

If you feel numb, it doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby or that you’re a heartless mother.

Your body is simply exhausted, and your brain turns the volume down on your feelings so you can keep going.

That’s why they say that the newborn stage is pure survival mode.

It really is!

10. Feeling like your life is over: Will it always be like this?

This is one of the hardest feelings to admit.

I remember being convinced that my life was over after my twins were born.

I cried about almost everything:

When my boys wouldn’t latch, and I felt like a failure.
When someone mentioned the word “feed”.
When I heard songs that reminded me of my life before children.
When I wanted to sleep but couldn’t.
When I saw happy couples without children on TV.
When someone said, “Don’t worry, just 15 more years and things will get easier”.
When I woke up and realised it wasn’t a dream. I really was a mum now.

To name but a few.

I felt hopeless and useless, and I couldn’t see the point in anything.

I couldn’t imagine ever being happy again.

Perhaps you’ve felt something similar.

You might miss your old life so much that you wonder whether you’ve made a terrible mistake. You might feel trapped, or frightened by the thought that this is your life now.

It’s hard to talk about these feelings when everyone expects you to be happy.

But you’re not a bad mum for struggling.

You’re an average mum.

11. You are still you: You don’t suddenly become a different person

I don’t know about you, but I’d always thought that when you became a parent, you somehow turned into a proper adult.

You became this amazing person who knew exactly what to do at all times.

You were no longer clueless, silly or inexperienced. You didn’t have doubts or silly dreams. You were a parent now!

Almost like a completely different species.

But when my boys arrived, I discovered something quite surprising:

I was still me.

I was still the same woman with the same dreams, passions, doubts and needs.

I still didn’t have all the answers
I still had insecurities
And I still had days when I had absolutely no idea what I was doing

Becoming a mum didn’t magically turn me into someone who knew everything.

If you’ve felt this, too, I want to say this loud and clear:

You don’t stop being you when you become a mum.

When to seek help

I’ve shared these feelings because I want you to know that motherhood can bring up emotions you never expected.

You can miss your old life, feel lonely, get angry, or struggle to feel connected to your baby.

It doesn’t mean you’re a bad mum or that there’s something wrong.

However, there’s a difference between struggling to adjust to motherhood and experiencing a mental health problem that needs treatment.

If you’ve felt very low, hopeless or finding it hard to cope with everyday life, please speak to your GP, midwife or health visitor.

You don’t have to wait until things get “bad enough”.

And I know this from personal experience.

When I had my twins, I struggled with postnatal depression for months without realising what was happening to me. I thought I simply wasn’t coping with motherhood the way I should.

Looking back, I wish I’d asked for help sooner. I am convinced it didn’t have to escalate into severe depression if only I’d spoken up as soon as I felt low.

You don’t have to reach breaking point before you deserve support.

If you’re having thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, seek urgent medical help.

If you experience hallucinations, unusual beliefs or severe confusion after birth, this can be a sign of postpartum psychosis, which needs immediate medical attention.

I talk more about postnatal mental health in these posts:

Final word

Becoming a mum is beautiful and hard, and it comes with many emotions that are not always positive.

If you feel sad, lonely, angry, or miss your old life…. it’s all normal and doesn’t mean you’re a bad mum or a bad person.

You’re simply going through the biggest transformation of your life, and like any other change, it takes time to adjust to it.

What you need the most right now is to give yourself a lot of love and compassion.

This stage won’t last forever, and you will be happy again. I promise!

As my husband said to me when I was crying in his arms a few days after giving birth: This is not the end. This is just the beginning.

He was so right!

I couldn’t see it at the time, but my life wasn’t over. I was struggling, and I needed help, but there was so much ahead of me to look forward to!

And the same is true for you.

If you want to hear my full story as a new mum, check out my book Motherhood – The Unspoken. It also includes stories from other first-time mums about how they really felt behind closed doors, and what helped them cope.

I wrote it so you feel seen, supported, and never alone.

Ivana Poku

PhDr. Ivana Poku is the author of Motherhood – The Unspoken, an award-winning blogger and maternal mental health advocate. Through her work, she is on a mission to create a world where mums feel seen, heard and supported. Ivana is also a mum of three boys, including twins, and lives with her family in a small coastal town in Scotland.

11 Postpartum Emotions No One Warned Me About

Why motherhood can bring up so many unexpected emotions

11 Postpartum emotions nobody warns you about