Ivana Poku Being a new mum is supposed to be magical, right?
Those first days filled with cuddles, baby smells, and endless joy… that’s what we picture.
But reality?
For many of us, it’s very different.
Smiling on the outside while quietly falling apart is more common than people think.
New mum mental health struggles are real, and they’re often hidden behind a facade of happiness.
Suddenly, you’re responsible for a tiny human who depends entirely on you.
Meanwhile, your own body, mind, and emotions are changing fast. Your heart is supposed to feel full, but some days, it feels heavy.
And when people ask, “You must be so happy!” you nod and smile. Inside, you may be thinking, “I’m not.”
Not completely.
Not always.
And certainly not in the way everyone expects.
Admitting it feels wrong, like saying anything less than pure joy makes you a failure.
So instead, you plaster on a smile, nod at the “joy of motherhood” talk, and push through.
You pretend everything is okay, even when it’s not.
Why New Mums Feel Overwhelmed
Why do we feel this need to appear happy?
One reason is the intense pressure on new mums to show only joy.
Everywhere you look – Instagram, TV, parenting magazines – there are glowing mums and peaceful babies.
Zero trace of exhaustion or anxiety.
Even well-meaning relatives add to the pressure with stories of couples who waited years to have children and are now over-the-moon grateful.
While these stories are lovely, they create unrealistic expectations.
Many new mums feel overwhelmed because of this constant pressure combined with real-life challenges: sleepless nights, hormonal changes, recovering from birth, and learning to care for a dependent human.
The reality is messy.
Motherhood is raw, exhausting, and emotional.
Yes, there are many beautiful moments, but there are also days when you cry in the shower, stare blankly at the wall, or wonder if you’re cut out for this.
Postpartum emotions can feel crushing, but struggling doesn’t make you a bad mum.
It makes you a mum.
I talk more about new mum life here:
- Having a baby is not a joyful experience
- 8 Motherhood facts every new mum is shocked to discover
- Why the newborn stage is the hardest (and how to survive it)
The Weight of Postpartum Emotions and Expectations
Everywhere we turn, the message is the same: “Motherhood is magical, effortless, and blissful.”
But that’s not the full picture.
Many new mums wrestle with postpartum emotions and expectations they weren’t prepared for: feelings of anxiety, sadness, or exhaustion that seem to contradict the “happy mum” image.
It’s confusing.
You think you’re supposed to be joyful, grateful, and patient.
But instead, you feel drained, resentful, or lonely.
And hiding these feelings only adds to the stress.
Why the Silence Hurts
Bottling up emotions makes struggles worse.
You start believing you’re the only one suffering, which increases shame and guilt.
We don’t talk enough about new mum mental health struggles in everyday life, so isolation becomes the default.
Pretending to be okay becomes a survival strategy.
Because “everyone else seems fine”… right?
Here’s the truth: they’re not.
Every mum has her own struggles.
What Happens When We Share Honest Experiences of New Mums
When we start sharing honest experiences of new mums, it’s a relief.
You realise you’re not alone.
Other women have cried, struggled with breastfeeding, battled sleep deprivation, or doubted themselves.
When I opened up about my own postnatal depression, other mums shared their stories too.
They said:
-
“I felt that way too.”
-
“I didn’t know I could say it out loud.”
-
“Thank you for making me feel less alone.”
It’s heartbreaking to realise how many suffer quietly behind a smile.
All we really need is someone to say, “Me too.”
Coping With New Mum Challenges
So, what can we do?
The first step is honesty.
Stop pretending. Talk about it. Share your feelings.
Start small.
Tell a friend you trust.
Share with your husband or partner.
Message another mum who might also be struggling.
You don’t have to share everything, just something.
Every time one mum speaks her truth, it makes it safer for others to do the same.
That’s coping with new motherhood challenges in action.
If You’re Struggling Right Now
ALWAYS remember: You are not broken. You are not a bad mum. You are not ungrateful.
You’re navigating one of life’s biggest transitions.
Feeling lost, exhausted, or anxious is completely normal and expected.
The best thing you can do, for yourself and your baby, is get support.
Talk to someone, join a group, see a professional, or even admit how you really feel.
It all matters.
You matter.
A Gentle Challenge for You
Today, make a promise to yourself:
-
Be honest about your feelings, especially on the hard days.
-
Stop saying “I’m fine” when you’re not.
-
Reach out to someone you trust, even just to say, “I’m having a hard day.”
It’s scary.
It feels easier to keep smiling.
But letting someone in sets you free.
Final thoughts
Being a new mum can be tough.
Sleepless nights, constant worry, and postpartum emotions and expectations can overwhelm even the strongest of us.
But acknowledging your feelings and sharing your struggles is powerful.
Showing up, being real, and trusting yourself makes you the best mum your baby could ever ask for.
You’ve got this!
If you have any questions, feel free to drop them in the comments and I’ll respond as soon as I can.
[…] Another factor that closely relates to beginning of postpartum depression is the influence of the media and the environment of a new mother. Have you noticed that motherhood is mostly spoken of in positive associations? Magazine titles, stories you hear from friends, interviews with celebrities, movies, songs, social networks… From each side we are fed by the illusion that a new mother should experience the feelings of greatest happiness and love from the very first moment. Reality is often different, and if feelings of happiness do not arrive a mother feels bad and guilty. I say more about this topic in the post Why do we pretend happiness when feeling depressed?. […]
I think it’s the British in us; if someone asks if we are ok, we say we are ‘fine’ even if we are far from it! #brilliantblogposts
I agree with you, although this happens everywhere (more or less) 🙁 The problem is that from early childhood we had been taught that the positive feelings are somehow “good” and negative ones are “bad”, which is a shame as negative feelings are as important part of life as the positive ones. Repressing or ignoring the negative ones does never lead to anything good. x
[…] like the perfect time for this guest post from my fellow twin mum, Ivanka Poko who writes over at Mum’s Journey. I received an email from Ivanka, explaining how she would like to raise awareness of postnatal […]
[…] is more common than we would have thought. The problem is – just like with depression – we don’t talk about it with each other. And therefore cause ourselves more unnecessary […]