Ivana Poku Alexandra is a mum of two children, fertility, birth, and parenting specialist, antenatal & postnatal educator, and practitioner. Originally from London, Alex now lives in Hertfordshire with her two young children.
She has a keen interest in yoga as well as women’s and children’s rights during birth and beyond.
Over to Alexandra.
From the moment I found out I was pregnant with my eldest, I spent the entire pregnancy researching everything there was to know about childbirth. I went from wanting a c-section to a home water birth.
Sadly, due to a number of reasons, I requested to be transferred where on arrival I was told that I was there for failure to progress (which wasn’t the case) and that if I didn’t succumb to being put on a plethora of interventions, that my baby may not make it.
I refused, I’d done my research, my and baby’s stats were good and so I instead that they either let me birth vaginally or give me C-section.
They refused, we compromised with having my waters broken only.
To cut a long story short, my labour ended with a room full of people telling me that I was going to kill my baby and that I should have an emergency section.
During the procedure I was so drugged up I was shaking and in and out of consciousness.
The consultant left me halfway through telling me that he was going on holiday and to enjoy my baby that was now being delivered by someone completely different!
Soon I was shown my completely healthy baby boy, having been told that he was fine and that she wasn’t sure why I’d have a section as there was no likely need for it.
I couldn’t hold my baby I was shaking so much from the drugs.
I eventually calmed enough to want to try and feed him, I struggled to latch him and got my then-husband to go and look for a midwife to help.
She was surprised I even wanted to try but helped me.
A couple of days later we were home, I couldn’t sleep.
I felt exhausted and down but got on with things.
For the few months that followed I was raging, I was constantly angry at what had happened, angry at myself for allowing it to happen and so completely devoted to my child that I hated anyone else holding him.
He needed me.
Attachment.
Breastfeeding.
He should only have my scent.
I was hyper-vigilant but kept it to myself though and suffered in silence when people held him.
I lost interest in friends, yoga, sex, and the idea of work.
Luckily for me, I stumbled accidentally onto help via some professional training I was doing at the time.
I decided to go and train in Birth Trauma Resolution without even knowing what it was that I was suffering from.
On the first day of learning I broke down realising what was wrong with me, I had PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) due to Birth Trauma.
A few days later I was a guinea pig for someone practicing the therapy.
That one session changed my life. I came away feeling like a weight had been lifted.
The memory was still there but the intensity and anger had gone.
I felt like I could let go of my son more, I felt free.
This is just my story, I now see countless clients who have medically traumatic births, but who also may have just been scared enough during labour that enough lasting damage was done.
The great thing is that we are starting to have conversations around this.
It doesn’t have to be a taboo and help is available.
The important thing is that whether it is PND (postnatal depression) or PTSD that you are suffering from, you are able to reach out and get the support you deserve.
Recommended treatments for PTSD are usually EMDR or CBT, but these can often be lengthy processes, although they are very valuable.
I found that personally, Birth Trauma Resolution was amazing for me after one session I came away feeling rested yet energised and no matter how hard I tried to feel as I previously did about my birth experience, I couldn’t.
The memory was the same but the intensity had dimmed and I started to relax.
Whichever route you decide to go down my advice to you is to do your research, and find the treatment and the practitioner that is right for you!
For more information about Alexandra and her work, visit her website www.alexandrakremer.co.uk.
PS. To read more authentic stories from first time mums and discover the untold motherhood facts most parents find out too late, check out my book Motherhood – The Unspoken.
