I Didn’t Expect to Hate Being a New Mum… Until I Did

“I never thought I’d say this out loud… but sometimes, I hate being a mum.”

It’s the kind of thought that makes you feel ashamed.

Because here’s the truth no one prepares you for: You can want a baby with all your heart… and still hate being a mum once they arrive.

I see it all the time.

Expectant mums carefully preparing for the arrival of their babies.

Reading every book. Attending antenatal classes. Practising breathing techniques in pregnancy yoga. Following influencers who make motherhood look like a warm, glowy dream.

There’s nothing wrong with any of that, I did it too.

But time and time again, I see the same pattern:

When the baby finally comes, that dream shatters.

Despite all the planning and preparing, it still hits like a truck.

Suddenly, you’re holding a tiny screaming human who completely depends on you.

You’re running on empty, hormones are raging, and the world around you keeps saying, “You must be so happy!”

But the truth is, you’re not.

You’re silenly thinking: “What have I done?”

If that’s you… keep reading.

You’re not broken, and you’re definitely not the only one feeling this way.

The Pressure to Be Happy: Why You Hate Being A Mum

First of all, let me be clear: hating bein a mum doesn’t mean you hate your baby, or that you are a bad mum.

It simply mean that you are a mum. 

And the reality is, no amount of preparation can get you truly ready for motherhood.

Even if you’ve read 20 books, had the most empowering birth experience, and surrounded yourself with all the baby gadgets and support, nothing can prepare you for how emotionally and physically hard it really is.

And what makes it worse?

The pressure to be happy.

The Truth Behind the “Blissful” Mum Myth

The media paints motherhood as the ultimate life goal.

We see glowing mamas on magazine covers, smiling lovingly at their newborns with perfect hair and makeup.

Influencers post stories about the “best time of their lives” while holding a baby who’s peacefully sleeping.

Meanwhile, you’re crying at 3am, unsure if you’re doing anything right, wondering if this is what your life is going to be like forever.

You’re desperate for sleep, desperate for quiet, and sometimes desperate for your old life back.

So, you look around and think, “Everyone else seems so happy. Why do I hate this?”

This feeling is far more common than you think.

Why New Mums Don’t Talk About How They Really Feel

The problem is, we don’t talk enough about the realities of becoming a mum – not even in prenatal classes, midwife appointments, new mum groups… nowhere.

So when you’re not beaming with happiness, it makes you feel ashamed.

You feel like you have to hide how you really feel.

You you put on a happy mask, post cute baby pictures, and nod and smile when someone says, “Aren’t you just loving it?”

But inside, you’re screaming, “I hate this! I hate being a mum! I want my life back!”

It becomes a vicious cycle – pretending everything is fine while silently suffering inside.

The Big Lie About Maternal Love No One Talks About

Another big lie society tells us is that maternal love is instant.

But for many women (myself included), it’s not.

Maternal love doesn’t always hit like a lightning bolt the moment you hold your baby.

It’s not always fireworks and tears of joy.

Sometimes, it’s confusion, numbness, loneliness, or even fear.

Real love – the kind that grows and strengthens – often takes time.

Just like any relationship, it deepens as you get to know each other.

As someone wise said, ‘Love grows in the little moments. In the midnight feeds. In the way you soothe their cries. In the way you show up, day after day.’

I couldn’t say it better.

Personally, it took me almost a year for my bond for my twins and love to fully develop and settle.

And believe it or not, it can take even longer!

Want to discover more unspoken truths about motherhood – and feel truly seen, heard, and supported? Check out my book Motherhood – The Unspoken.

So, Why Do So Many New Mums Hate Motherhood?

Because you were sold a version of motherhood that doesn’t exist.

Because nobody warned you it would be this confusing.

We’re taught to hide the messy, raw, and painful sides of early motherhood.

It’s not all sunshine and rainbows.

Your life changes practically overnight.

All you do is feed and change nappies.

You have no time for your hobbies and things that bring you joy outside of motherhood.

You’re constantly sleep-deprived, dealing with a screaming baby you often don’t know how to soothe.

You’re running on empty.

Of course you hate it!

What’s there to love at this point?

The most important thing you need to do now is give yourself some compassion.

Name out loud what exactly you hate—and why—and then acknowledge that you have a pretty damn good reason to hate it.

There’s nothing wrong with feeling this way.

It’s expected.

You’re simply a human going through one of the most emotionally intense transitions of your life.

Motherhood is beautiful in many ways.

But it’s also messy, exhausting, and emotionally overwhelming, especially in the early stages.

How to Start Enjoying Motherhood (Even If You Hate It Right Now)

1. Show Yourself Compassion and Give It Time

As I mentioned above, the most important step is to acknowledge that all of this is normal and natural, and to give yourself some compassion.

This is essential.

As your baby grows and becomes more independent, your feelings will shift too.

You’ll have more freedom and space to breathe.

So even here, time is a big healer.

2. Get Help Early – And Often

That leads me to the next most important step: get help as soon – and as much – as possible.

If you struggle with asking for help, work on it.

It’s nothing more than your insecurities and unresolved wounds coming to the surface.

But the more help you get, the easier and more enjoyable things will become – fast.

I see this all the time: mums who get help and support early thrive. Those who don’t often break.

It’s your choice.

I share my tips on how you can build your own supportive community in this post.

3. Talk About How You Feel Before It Builds Up

And finally, talk about how you feel. Hiding it is the fastest way to feel worse, and can even lead to serious mental health issues.

When I went through postnatal depression, I hid it from everyone for a long time.

I thought I was weak. I thought no one would understand.

But when I finally opened up, something incredible happened:

Other mums said, “Me too.”

Mums I had thought were perfect, mums I admired, mums who, on the outside, seemed to be thriving.

And just like that, I didn’t feel so alone anymore.

Talking changed everything.

Let’s Change the Narrative Around Motherhood

The more we speak openly, the more we help other mums do the same.

So if you’re a new mum and you hate it right now, say it.

Own it.

Feel it.

You won’t always feel this way.

The love will come. The joy will return. And so will you.

What Is Your Experience?

I hope this post helped you feel a little more seen and a little less alone.

If you have any questions, please drop them in the comments and I’ll respond as soon as I can.

You can also connect with me on Instagram.

And if you’d like to discover more secrets about life as a new mum no one talks about, check out my book Motherhood: The Unspoken.