I Hate Being A New Mum – Is That Normal?

I often watch expectant mums carefully preparing for the arrival of their babies.

They’re reading every book they can get their hands on, signing up for antenatal classes, attending pregnancy yoga, and following influencers who seem to have it all figured out.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I was exactly the same.

But I can’t help noticing a pattern.

When the baby finally arrives, most mums feel like they are not prepared at all.

Despite all the preparation, when reality hits, it feels nothing like the carefully curated image of motherhood we’ve been shown.

Suddenly, you’re holding a tiny human who completely depends on you.

You’re running on empty, hormones are raging, and the world around you keeps saying, “You must be so happy!”

But the truth is, you’re not.

Not always.

And sometimes, not at all.

And here’s where it gets tricky…

Instead of saying how we really feel, most of us smile and say, “Yes, of course. I’m so happy.”

Even if what we really want to say is, “I hate being a mum!”

Yes, you read that right.

New mum hate it is something more common than people think—but rarely discussed.

Why Do So Many New Mums Feel This Way?

First of all, let me be clear: hating the early stages of motherhood doesn’t mean you hate your baby.

It doesn’t make you a bad mother.

It simply makes you a mum. 

A regular mum.

And the reality is, no amount of preparation can get you truly ready for motherhood.

The sleep deprivation, the constant crying, the loss of your identity, the guilt, the mental load, and the overwhelming responsibility—it’s a LOT.

Even if you’ve read 20 books, had the most empowering birth experience, and surrounded yourself with all the baby gadgets and support, nothing can prepare you for how emotionally and physically hard it really is.

And what makes it worse?

The pressure to be happy.

The Myth of the Blissful New Mum

The media paints motherhood as the ultimate life goal.

We see glowing mamas on magazine covers, smiling lovingly at their newborns with perfect hair and makeup.

Influencers post stories about the “best time of their lives” while holding a baby who’s peacefully sleeping.

Meanwhile, you’re crying at 3am, unsure if you’re doing anything right, wondering if this is what your life is going to be like forever.

You’re desperate for sleep, desperate for quiet, and sometimes desperate for your old life back.

So, you look around and think, “Everyone else seems so happy. Why do I hate this?”

This feeling is far more common than you think.

But we don’t talk about it, which makes mums feel alone and ashamed.

Let’s Talk About It: Why New Mums Hide How They Really Feel

Many new mums feel like they have to hide the truth.

They feel like they’re the only ones not enjoying it.
They feel ashamed that they’re not in love with motherhood right away.
They feel guilty for not being grateful enough.

So they say nothing.

They post cute baby pictures.

They nod and smile when someone says, “Aren’t you just loving it?”

But inside, they’re screaming, “I hate being a mum!”

It becomes a vicious cycle—pretending everything is fine, while silently suffering inside.

The Unspoken Truth About Maternal Love

One of the biggest lies society tells us is that maternal love is instant.

But for many women, it’s not.

Maternal love doesn’t always hit like a lightning bolt the moment you hold your baby.

It’s not always fireworks and tears of joy.

Sometimes, it’s confusion, numbness, or even fear.

Real love—the kind that grows and strengthens—often takes time.

Just like any relationship, it deepens as you get to know each other.

As someone wise said: “Love grows in the little moments. In the midnight feeds. In the way you soothe their cries. In the way you show up, day after day.”

So, Why Do So Many New Mums Hate Motherhood?

Because they were sold a version of motherhood that doesn’t exist.

Because nobody warned them that it would be this hard.

Because they feel broken for not feeling what they thought they “should”.

And most of all, because we don’t talk about the hard parts enough.

We’re taught to hide the messy, raw, and painful sides of early motherhood—and it’s damaging.

When a new mum says she hates motherhood, what she’s really saying is:

• “I feel lost.”

• “I don’t recognise myself anymore.”

• “I miss who I used to be.”

• “I’m scared.”

• “I need help, but I don’t know how to ask for it.”

Breaking the Silence: It’s Okay Not to Love Motherhood Right Away

If you’re nodding along as you’re reading this post, I want you to know:

You’re not a bad mum.
You’re not a failure.
You’re not alone.

You’re simply a human going through one of the most emotionally intense transitions of your life.

Motherhood is beautiful in many ways.

But it’s also messy, exhausting, and emotionally overwhelming.

The two truths can exist side by side.

What Helped Me the Most

When I went through postnatal depression, I hid it from everyone for a long time.

I thought I was weak. I thought no one would understand.

But when I finally opened up, something incredible happened:

Other mums said, “Me too.”

Mums I had thought were perfect. Mums I admired. Mums who, on the outside, seemed to be thriving.

And just like that, I didn’t feel so alone anymore.

Talking helped.

But what also helped, was allowing myself to feel what I was feeling—without shame.

If You’re Struggling, Here’s What You Can Do

1. Talk to someone you trust. A friend, your partner, or another mum who gets it.

2. Seek professional support. There’s no shame in asking for help.

3. Stop comparing. I guarantee you that every new mum struggles.

4. Let go of the pressure. You can’t do it all on your own.

5. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes even one hour at a time is enough.

Let’s Change the Narrative

The more we speak openly, the more we give other mums permission to do the same.

So if you’re a new mum and you hate it right now, say it.

Own it.
Feel it.

It doesn’t mean you’ll always feel this way.
It doesn’t define your motherhood.

It just means you’re in the thick of it right now.

The love will come. The joy will return. And so will you.

What Was Your Experience?

Did you enjoy early motherhood—or did you struggle like I did?

I’d love to hear your story.

Drop a comment below or DM me on Instagram.

Let’s open the conversation and support each other in a way that truly reflects the real motherhood journey.

Let’s normalise saying, “I’m a new mum and I hate it”—without guilt, without shame, and without fear.

With love,
Ivana xx