I Felt Sad About My Baby’s Sex – Here’s What Helped Me Overcome Gender Disappointment

During pregnancy, you’re adjusting to a brand new life, you have about a million things to think about, and your hormones are all over the place.

All the extra pressure and expectations just make it even harder.

Feeling disappointed does not mean you won’t bond with your baby, or that you’re a bad parent.

As clinical psychologist Dr. Lindsay McMillan explains, “Gender disappointment is often described as a taboo topic. Yet, questions and comments from others in pregnancy or when newborns have arrived are often about the sex, or gender, of the baby. Of course, all parents want their baby to be healthy. But that doesn’t mean the longing or worries about having daughters or sons don’t, exist. There are lots of misunderstandings about gender disappointment: that it means parents are being ungrateful. This just isn’t true, often distress is linked to the loss of opportunity to ever parent a daughter or a son.”

How to Deal With Gender Disappointment (For Real)

Here are the steps that helped me cope and actually start feeling excited about my babies’ sex:

1. Don’t push your feelings away.

First and foremost, do not beat yourself up.

Your mind and body are going through so much during pregnancy so anything you feel is normal and understandable.

Don’t try to push your feelings away.

The more you suppress emotions, the louder they become.

Allow yourself to feel sad.

Allow yourself to grieve.

2. Talk!

Silence fuels shame and guilt, so talk to someone you trust — a friend, partner, or another mum.

Even a stranger if you feel like it!

You’ll be surprised how many parents quietly admit:

“Me too.”

Talking helps you process your feelings, gain perspective, feel less alone and ease the sadness.

3. Journal about it

Grab pen a paper, turn your brain off, and write without censoring yourself.

Journaling helps uncover the why behind the sadness.

You can also try these powerful journaling prompts:

• Why am I feeling sad about the sex of my baby?
• What does it mean that I am feeling sad?
• Do I want to feel differently about it?
• What can I do to feel differently about it?

How Long Does Gender Disappointment Last?

How long gender disappointment lasts depends on many factors, including:

• your mental health
• your support system
• whether you allow yourself to process the feelings

For many parents, it fades during pregnancy.

For others, gender disappointment can linger even after birth.

But for most parents, it does go away within weeks.

And if it doesn’t?

That’s a sign you deserve extra support.

When to Get Extra Help

If months go by and you still feel stuck, struggle to bond, or are weighed down by guilt or shame, it’s time to reach out.

You could be showing early signs of postnatal depression or postpartum anxiety – both are really common, and I’ve been there too. (You can read my PPD story in this post.)

Even if that’s not the case, simply talking about your feelings can make a HUGE difference and help prevent things from getting worse later.

Final Thoughts: How To Overcome Gender Disappointment

There you go!

If you’re reading this with a lump in your throat, know this:

Your feelings are valid.

Baby gender disappointment does not define your love or you as a person.

With time, honesty, and support, your heart will catch up.

And one day, you look back, and realise the story unfolded exactly as it needed to.

Want a little extra support for early motherhood?

I get it — the first months can be overwhelming, emotional, and full of surprises.

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FAQs About Gender Disappointment

Is gender disappointment normal?

Absolutely. Many parents feel sad when their baby’s sex isn’t what they hoped for. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your child — it just means you’re grieving a vision you had in mind. Feeling this way is completely normal.

How long does gender disappointment last?

It varies. For some parents, it fades during pregnancy. For others, gender disappointment after birth can linger for weeks or months. Most parents find it eases over time, especially with support and self-compassion.

How do you deal with gender disappointment?

Talk about your feelings with someone you trust, journal your thoughts, and allow yourself to grieve. Processing your emotions instead of suppressing them is the best way to cope.

Does gender disappointment go away?

Yes, for most parents it does. Giving yourself time, sharing your feelings, and focusing on bonding with your baby helps the sadness fade. And remember, seeking support is always okay if it lingers.

How can I overcome gender disappointment?

Acknowledge your feelings without guilt, talk to others who’ve experienced it, and practice gratitude for your baby’s health and your growing family. Shifting your mindset gradually helps you embrace your baby fully.

Can gender disappointment lead to postpartum depression?

For some parents, unresolved sadness can contribute to postpartum depression or anxiety. That’s why it’s important to seek support if you notice prolonged sadness, trouble bonding, or overwhelming guilt.

Is it okay to feel disappointed even years after birth?

Yes! Some parents notice lingering feelings of gender disappointment later, especially if they haven’t talked about it or processed it fully. It’s never too late to address your feelings and seek support.