Ivana Poku Are you a new mum who is struggling to cope?
You are not alone.
Many new mums experience emotions like sadness, frustration, and even guilt – despite what (social) media tells us.
You might feel like you’re failing, or like you’re the only one not enjoying motherhood the way you’re “supposed to.”
I was no exception.
When our twins arrived, I felt completely overwhelmed.
I was struggling to cope, and eventually, I developed postnatal depression.
It wasn’t just the sleepless nights or the never-ending nappy changes, it was also the constant flood of advice from every direction.
You know the type…
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“Don’t stress about the small stuff.”
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“Just trust yourself.”
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“Enjoy every moment—it goes so fast!”
While well-meaning, this kind of advice can actually make things worse.
Why?
Because when you’re deep in the fog of new motherhood, those words feel unreachable.
If you could magically stop feeling anxious, you would.
But the problem is— – don’t know how.
People tell you the outcome you should aim for, but they don’t give you a roadmap to get there.
It’s like telling someone who’s starving to “just eat” without showing them where the food is.
The Game-Changing Advice That Shifted Everything
During one of my lowest moments, my husband Yaw gave me the most powerful piece of advice I’ve ever received.
The boys were a few months old, and I was in the middle of a depressive episode.
I felt hopeless, exhausted, and trapped.
I cried a lot, and then cried about the fact I was crying.
Yaw took us all for a walk, and as I poured my heart out, he listened carefully.
Then he said:
“Of course you feel like this! How could you not?”
He reminded me:
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I was alone 12 hours a day with newborn twins.
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We had no family or friends around to help (we just moved to a new town at the time)
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We lived in a flat in a building with no lift.
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The babies were colicky and cried practically all the time.
No wonder I felt low.
In that moment, I felt a massive weight lift off my shoulders.
For the first time, I felt seen. Validated.
Instead of trying to cheer me up or ‘fix’ me, he simply sat with me in the dark.
He allowed me to feel my feelings.
And that changed everything.
At that moment, I -probably for the first time since beomcing a mum – felt compassion towards myself.
Of course, I’m not ok! How could I be?
I understood that to feel happy, what I needed to do was to allow myself to feel my feelings.
Rather than repress them or beating myself up for feeling them, I needed to feel them.
Only then could they lose their power over me.
From a trapped mum to a HOPEFUL mum
From that day onwards, I started to notice my achievements rather than failures.
Every night before going to bed, I would write down everything amazing I achieved that day – and frankly, I was astonished by how many wonderful things I found when I had given it a real thought!
I stopped focusing on how I “should” feel and what I “should” do and instead started to honor my feelings and the things that I did every single day.
This has proved oo be the best self-care routine I have ever tried, and I strongly recommend you try it for yourself!
You know…
As mums, we are too hard on ourselves.
We try to fight and stop the inevitable.
Feeling sad, lonely, and overwhelmed is a natural part of motherhood and life.
They’re just emotions, just like joy or happiness.
You wouldn’t judge yourself for feeling happy, would you?
So why judge yourself for feeling low?
“Negative” emotions are just emotions.
They are signals from your body and mind, showing you what’s going on inside and what needs to be addressed.
They don’t define your worth or ability as a mum.
So please, if you’re a new mum feeling sad, lonely, anxious, or anything else that doesn’t match your idea of how a mum “should” feel, remember this:
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
Being a new mum is not easy, and it is simply impossible to enjoy every moment!
Especially in the first weeks and months!
However, if you feel your feelings affect your daily activities and you feel like you can’t cope on your own, seek help!
Final Thoughts for New Mums Struggling To Cope
There you go!
If you’re a new mum feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or not quite yourself, please remember:
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You are not alone.
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These feelings are natural and temporary.
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You are doing your best with what you know and have
And if you find your emotions are affecting your daily life or ability to function, please seek support.
Talking to someone you trust can save you in more ways than you can imagine.
The BEST Advice I Got When I Was Struggling As A New Mum
If this spoke to you, or if you’re currently navigating those tough early days, I’d love to hear from you.
- Leave a comment below and share your experience
- Message me on Instagram
- Or grab my book: Motherhood – The Unspoken – it’s packed with honest advice and support from fellow mums who have been there (and made it through)
With love,
Ivana xx
