Ivana Poku Real Talk for Parents of Newborn Twins: How to Cope (and Stay Sane)
When I found out we were having twins, I was happy and excited.
I’d always wanted twins. But with no family history on either side (or so we thought, turns out there’s more to that story), I didn’t think it would actually happen.
So, naturally, I started romanticising it straight away. It’ll be hard, sure… but we’ll get it all done at once! No need to go through the baby stage twice! I basically high-fived myself in the car park.
Oh sweet, innocent me.
If you’re expecting twins, or you’ve just had them, this post is the honest-to-the-core advice I wish someone had given me.
Because what’s coming isn’t just double the nappies. It’s a complete unraveling and rebuilding of your world.
But you’ve got this.
And I’m here to share what I wish I’d known much earlier – twin mum to twin mum.
The stuff no one told me: the stuff that would’ve made those early days so much easier (and way less chaotic).
Twin Pregnancy
The first two trimesters were manageable.
I felt nauseous and was irritable a lot (poor husband), but it all passed within the first trimester.
Then came the third trimester and everything changed. I was constantly out of breath. Climbing stairs felt like a mountain climb, and I needed someone to help me up each time.
Sleeping was a nightmare. No position brought relief because the twins pressed against my ribs from every angle. The only time I felt even a little better was when I stood up, which is hardly ideal at 3 a.m.
I also remember the relentless heartburn that lasted nearly the entire pregnancy. It was awful, and oddly enough, only lemons or ginger biscuits brought any relief.
By the end, I was done. My body had waved the white flag and I just wanted them out.
Giving Birth to Twins
The twins arrived at 34 weeks via an emergency c-section.
Before that day, I couldn’t imagine having major surgery while being awake. But between the adrenaline and the epidural, I felt completely out of it: high, numb, and oddly detached.
The surgery itself lasted only about 20 minutes, and the twins were rushed to incubators immediately. I didn’t get to see them for nearly three hours – and even then, only through the glass. That part was brutal. I was desperate to hold them, to touch them. But I also knew they couldn’t breathe on their own yet, and they needed help. So, we waited.
When I finally saw them, I was shocked that I didn’t feel anything “special.” No magical rush of love everyone had been talking about. Actually, I was shocked by a lot of things in those early weeks – things no one warned me about. (I talk more about this in this post.
My emotions were all over the place. I was overwhelmed, numb, and exhausted. It was nothing like the movie moment I’d pictured.
And I want to reassure you: this is the case for so many mums.
That heart-melting scene where a new mum sees her baby and bursts with love and joy? It’s just not the reality for most of us. And that makes perfect sense. Your mind and body is going through something imaginable when you give birth.
It’s completely normal for it to take time – and a whole lot of kindness toward yourself – for your emotions (and hormones) to settle.
First weeks with newborn twins
The twins spent about six weeks in the NICU. It was the most challenging time of my life – I go deeper into it in this post.
The hardest part was the drastic change my lifestyle. Because my life changed basically overnight. Everything I used to do was suddenly off the table. I could no loner go outside whenever I wanted, pop into a shop, meet a friend at the pub, see a film, eat in a restaurant. It felt like my old life slipped away before I even had a chance to say goodbye.
Again, the shock is real and if you’re feeling it too, it is nothing to feel guilty about.
It is especially hard with newborn twins as they aren’t just “twice” as hard, they are a whole new level of hard.
They often cry at the same time, need feeding at the same time, sometimes, both need you right now…
So, my number one tip is to make peace with the fact that one of them will often have to wait.
And that’s ok. If one twin cries while you’re feeding or changing the other – as long as they’re safe – it’s absolutely fine.
I share my full story of how I found my way back from struggle as a new mum in my book, Motherhood – The Unspoken. Click HERE to learn more.
You are not failing. You’re doing everyting you can and there’s nothing more you can do.
I’m not going to sugarcoat it, the first weeks (and months) are brutal.
If you fight it, it only makes things worse.
Accept it, expect the chaos, and remind yourself it’s temporary. (becasue it is)
It takes time to find your rhythm, to get to know them, for your bond to develop, and to learn what works.
And you won’t know what to do at first. You’ll feel lost, overwhelmed, exhausted.
That’s normal. Newborns don’t come with a manual. We’re all thrown into the deep end and expected to swim.
But we do learn how to swim eventually.
So if you’re in it right now, please don’t pressure yourself to “do it all” or keep anything else going.
Don’t worry, you will get your life back.
This is just a chapter. Not the whole book.
Feeding newborn twins
I wanted to exclusively breastfeed, and while this works for some mums, it’s actually quite rare, especially with twins.
Please don’t push yourself. If you’re worried that not breastfeeding makes you a bad mum, I promise you – it doesn’t.
What your babies need most isn’t breastmilk. It’s a happy, relaxed mum.
If your gut tells you to offer a bottle, go for it! You can also try combination feeding, like we did – which means breastfeeding and bottle feeding. It’s a great compromise that helps protect your sanity.
And even if you stick to bottle feeding only, that’s totally fine too – and it might give you even more time to rest and recharge.
I write more about the guilt around bottle feeding in this post.
Sleep deprivation and twin babies
Yes, you will be sleep deprived for a while.
But the hardest part isn’t the lack of sleep itself. It’s that you still have to be a mum while sleep deprived – all while listening to screaming and crying.
It was pure torture.
We didn’t sleep properly for almost a year, and we came very close to breaking point.
With our third, we knew a bit more about sleep and babies – mainly because we met a friend who specialised in baby routines.
Her support was life-changing. Shame we didn’t meet her earlier, but at least I can now pass that knowledge on to you.
Having a routine changes everything.
It would be one of the first things I’d do if I could travel back in time.
BUT – it can’t be just any routine. Find an expert in baby routines in your area or online (someone with great reviews) and invest in their support.
When we implemented the routine with our third, he slept through the night from three months old.
And now, at nearly four, he still goes to bed at 6 p.m. and is out in five minutes.
Manyparents envy us, but I know it’s simply the result of sticking to the routine we were given.
It wasn’t always easy to follow the advice, but boy, was it worth it.
A good routine doesn’t just help with sleep. It also helps with behaviour, tantrums, feeding, and your own mental stability.
I’d go as far as to say: a solid routine is a total life-saver, and the number one piece of advice I’d give any new mum of twins.
How to get help and why you absolutely must accept it
Us mums tend to want to do it all – we feel like we’d be bad mums if we didn’t.
But I promise you, the sooner you drop that mindset, the sooner life gets easier.
Get your partner, family, and friends involved. Ask them to help with cleaning, shopping, babysitting… whatever you need.
Invest in help if you can. Yes, it can be expensive, but at this point, it’s about survival and your mental wellbeing, which is exactly what your newborn twins need the most.
Don’t hesitate to invest in support. Even a few hours a week at a private nursery can make a huge difference.
We started with one afternoon a week when the boys were just 10 weeks old, and I used that time to catch up on sleep.
It cost us around £300 a month, which definitely wasn’t little money for us – but if I could go back in time, I would have paid for more hours.
Of course, I’m not saying you should spend all your money. I’m saying invest in help – paid or unpaid.
Accept help. Ask for what you need.
People love to help, especially a new mum.
(Let alone a new mum of twins.)
Bonding with twin babies
Something I didn’t realise until much later is how much more challenging it can be to bond with twins than it is with singleton children.
With one baby, all your focus naturally goes to that one little person.
But with twins, your attention is split, and it’s easy for that individual connection to get lost in the shuffle of feeding, changing, and soothing two at once.
That’s why making the effort to carve out some quiet, one-on-one time with each of your babies is so important. Even if it’s just a few minutes here and there, those moments build a foundation of trust and closeness that will pay off in many ways.
Don’t rush it or push yourself to force a connection. This is a marathon, not a sprint, and bonding happens in its own time. Be patient with yourself and with them – there’s no deadline, and no “right” way to do it.
You have all the time you need to nurture your bond, and the investment you make now will shape your babies’ sense of security and belonging for years to come.
Trusting your gut
And last but certainly not least: follow your gut.
People will bombard you from every direction with advice. But remember: all of it comes from their own experience, which is different from yours.
Especially when it’s from people who’ve never had twins – they don’t know what it’s like to live your reality. They mean well, but they’re not in your shoes.
Even everything I’ve shared here – take what resonates, leave what doesn’t. I’m not handing out rules. I’m just sharing what I wish someone had told me.
But at the end of the day, there’s only one expert in your journey, and that’s you.
Your gut knows the way. Even when everything feels chaotic. Even when you’re tired, doubting, or overwhelmed.
So trust it.
Back yourself.
You’ve got this – truly.
With love,
Ivana xx
I share my full story of how I found my way back from struggle as a new mum in my book, Motherhood – The Unspoken. Click HERE to learn more.
