Ivana Poku What is postnatal (postpartum) depression?
As a postnatal depression survivor, I know it’s one of the most misunderstood illnesses there are.
As a new mum you hear about itĀ from a doctor/GP, midwife, a leaflet, or at an antenatal class.
But the info you get is often brief and too theoretical.
It doesn’t explain:
- what is really is
- how it feels
- how to spot the early signs
- how to reduce the risks
- how to recover
Research shows that 58% of new mums with postnatal depression never seek help, because they donāt understand the condition.
Many mums to be think, āThat wonāt happen to me.ā
And when it does, they often don’t recognise it.
So in this post, I share everything new mums need to know about postnatal depression (also known as postpartum depression or PPD).
But first, hello!
I’m Ivana, a mum of three boys (including twins), the founder of MumsJourney, and author of Motherhood: The Unspoken, on a mission to create a world where mums feel seen and supported.
After having our twins in 2016, I had severe postnatal depression. It was the worst time of my life I don’t wish on anyone. But it also helped me realise how many (new) mums struggle in silene. Once I pulled through PPD, I made it my mission to make a difference so no mum ever has to feel like I did.
In this post, I cover:
- important and little known truths about postnatal depression
- how it actually feels (no one talks about this)
- how to reduce the risks of PPD
- how to recognise it
- how to recover
Let’s dive in.
What is postnatal depression?
The NHS defines postnatal depression as ‘a type of depression many parents experience after having a baby. It affects more than 1 in 10 women within the first year after giving birth. It can also affect fathers and partners’.
This definition is accurate.
But as a postnatal depression survivor, I am also here to tell you how it feels like.
Because no medical definition can fully explain the darkness of it unless you have lived through it yourself.
Postnatal depression is an illness.
It has nothing to do with how much you love your baby or what kind of mum (or a person) you are.
When you have postnatal depression, it can feel like something has taken over your mind.
You:
- can’t control of your thoughts, feelings, and sometimes even your actions
- feel emotionally numb or like an empty shell
- can’t change how you feel by willpower
Sometimes you cry constantly, and sometimes you feel nothing at all.
You may feel hopeless, exhausted, or deeply convinced that your family would be better off without you.
It is the darkest and scariest places you can find herself in.
And one of the hardest things about postnatal depression is this: Many mums donāt even realise they have it.
They simply believe they are failing.
But postnatal depression is not a personal failure.
It is a real health condition that deserves support, treatment, and compassion.
While NHS data suggests it affects more than 1 in 10 women, we can’t forget that many cases go unreported.
As mentioned above, around 58% of new mums with postnatal depression do not seek help.
This means the true number is likely much higher – possibly closer to 1 in 5 mums.
A rare number of new mums also experiences postnatal psychosis. I talk about it more in the post Postnatal Depression vs Postpartum Psychosis: Whatās the Difference?
What is the difference between postnatal depression and baby blues
‘Baby blues’ is a natural part of becoming a mum adjusting to the changes that come with the baby.
It’s when you feel:
- sad
- lonely
- tearful
- low for no apparent reason
Personally, I don’t like to label this ‘baby blues’ as it’s all normal and expected feelings of a new mum whose life changes overnight. Giving it a label makes it sound like a condition.
It usually starts right after youāve given birth and can last up to one month.
Postnatal depression can feel like ‘baby blues’ in the beginning so it can be hard to recognise it.
However, the symptoms of PND last longer than the symptoms of baby blues and directly impact your ability to function and look after your baby.
There is a fine line between baby blues and postnatal depression. Many mums spend too much time wondering what it is and putting reaching out for help off because they don’t want to sound “dramatic”.
But as I say, it doesn’t matter if you have baby blues or postnatal depression. If you feel low, it needs to be addressed.
How does it feel to have postnatal depression
The NHS says signs of postnatal depression can include:
- feeling sad for a long time
- not enjoying things you used to love
- feeling mentally exhausted all the time
- struggling to sleep at night but feeling sleepy during the day
- finding it hard to bond with your baby
- avoiding people or wanting to be alone
- struggling to focus or make decisions
- scary thoughts, including worries about hurting your baby
I had most of these symptoms myself.
I felt like crying all the time, and I couldnāt stop it. I had no appetite, and things that once made me happy suddenly felt pointless.
For months, I was in denial. I didnāt want to admit I might have PPD.
Inside, it felt like carrying around a huge dark cloud. I felt empty, exhausted, and convinced I was failing everyone around me.
Some mums become extremely anxious and overprotective. They feel terrified to leave their baby alone for even a second because they think something bad could happen.
The truth is, postnatal depression looks different for everyone.
So if something feels “off”, even if your symptoms donāt match this list exactly, please donāt ignore it.
The earlier you talk about it and get support, the sooner you’ll feel better and enjoy your baby.
How do I know if I am depressed or just tired?
Postnatal depression is more than just feeling tired or having a bad day, and it does not just go away on its own with time.
Sure, being exhausted is a normal part of being a new mum.
But if you’re also always feel sad, anxious, lonely, numb, if you’re losing interest in things you used to love, or other difficult emotions – and it lasts for more than two weeks – it could be postpartum depression.
If this sounds like you, please talk to someone you trust today.
What are the causes postpartum depression
Doctors and experts still donāt know the exact reason why mums get postpartum depression. But here are a few things that can make it more likely:
- struggling with mental health in the past
- changes in hormones and the body after birth
- not having enough support
- difficult childhood experiences
- going through abuse or trauma
- low confidence or self-esteem
- stress at home or money worries
- big life changes and pressure
Personally, I would add one more big reason to this list: lack of education about life after having a baby.
Most antenatal classes focus heavily on birth, but don’t say much (of anything) about what happens after the baby arrives.
Movies, social media, and the society often describe motherhood like the most amazing time in a woman’s life.
But the truth is, becoming a mum is a huge shock to the system. Your whole life changes overnight. Your body changes, you don’t sleep, your routine is gone, you have no time for yourself, all you do is feed and change nappies…
This is the part nobody talks about enough.
So when a new mum struggles, she often feels guilty or thinks sheās failing her baby.
Instead of asking for help, she stays quiet because she feels guilty and ashamed.
And silence is where depression thrives.
The only way we can change this is by being more open and honest about the fact that becoming a mum is not all sunshine and rainbows.
We need to talk about the beautiful parts and the hard parts.
How long postpartum depression last
When it comes to mental health, there is no “one size fits all”.
Some mums start feeling better after a few months, some struggle for a year or even longer, especially if they donāt get support or treatment.
Here are a few things that impact how long PPD lasts:
- Realising something is wrong ā Sometimes mums donāt notice they have depression at first. Awareness is the most important step.
- Wanting to get betterĀ ā Are you open to asking for help and trying things that may help you heal?
- How you talk to yourself ā If you constantly blame yourself or call yourself a “bad mum” it makes things feel even heavier
- Whatās happening in your life ā Stress, arguments, money problems, or feeling overwhelmed can make recovery harder.
- Having support around you ā People who listen, help, and remind you that youāre not alone makes a massive difference.
- Basic everyday things ā Sleep, eating properly, moving your body, and taking little breaks all matter more than you realise.
- Getting the right help ā Some mums feel better through talking therapy, support groups, medication, or a mix of different support.
No matter how hard things are right now, you can get better.
And with the right support, you can feel better sooner than you think. (I’ll talk about how to recover in a minute.)
Can postnatal depression go away on its own?
If depression is very mild and doesn’t severely impact your day to day life, it can get better on its own after a while. But for many mums, this is not the case.
If you ignore it or if you try to just “push through it,” it can get worse.
(And you’re losing precious time you could spend enjoying your life and your baby.)
In more severe cases, medication and therapy are crucial.
Antidepressants wonāt heal depression, but they will help you function and take steps toward recovery.
It doesnāt really matter how “mild” or “severe” it is. If youāre not feeling well, thatās reason enough to get help.
Donāt wait until you break, you deserve support as soon as something feels off.
I, for instance, could have avoided severe PPD (when I was suicidal) if only I’d spoken up earlier, when it was “only” mild.
Can they take my baby away when they find out I have postnatal depression?
Having postnatal depression is an illness, it doesnāt mean youāre doing anything wrong or that youāre a bad mum.
Taking your baby away because of PPD would be like taking a baby away from a mother with cancer. It just doesnāt happen.
Even if you have frightening thoughts about hurting your baby – which many mums with PPD do – that doesnāt mean you will act on them.
These thoughts are a symptom of the illness, not a reflection of who you are.
Itās so important to be honest with your healthcare providers because theyāre there to support you and keep both you and your baby safe.
Getting help doesnāt put your baby at risk, it actually helps both of you. It makes it easier for you to feel better and start enjoying and bonding with your baby more.
How does postnatal depression affect your baby
xxxx
Books and podcasts on postnatal depression
There are several insightful books and podcasts that explore postnatal depression in more details, share relevant information, and real-life stories.
One book Iām proud to share is Motherhood ā The Unspoken, where I open up about my own journey with postnatal depression, alongside the stories of other first-time mums, and their messages to you.
Here are some other books and podcasts that I recommend:
Books
- This Isnāt What I Expected (Karen Kleiman & Valerie Raskin)
A practical, supportive book for mums dealing with postpartum depression. - Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts (Karen Kleiman)
Another comforting book that normalises scary thoughts and anxiety after birth. - The Postnatal Depletion Cure (Dr Oscar Serrallach)
Helping mums recover physically and emotionally after having a baby. - Down Came the Rain ( Brooke Shields)
A memoir about Brooke’s personal experience with postpartum depression.
Podcasts
- Motherkind Podcast (Zoe Blaskey)
Talks a lot about the reality of motherhood, mum guilt, burnout, and mental health in a very honest way. - Happy Mum Happy Baby Podcast (Giovanna Fletcher)
Real conversations with mums about the highs and lows of parenting ā including mental health struggles. - Mom & Mind Podcast (Dr. Katayune Kaeni)
A mental health podcast focused specifically on pregnancy and postpartum anxiety and depression.
Postnatal depression in fathers
Postnatal depression doesnāt only happen to mums, dads can get it too.
Life changes for dads too when a baby arrives. They might feel pressure to provide for the family, especially financially, while also trying to adjust to a whole new routine at home.
They can feel really tired from lack of sleep, stressed, and worried. It can also be hard if their partner is feeling low too, because they might not know how to help or what to say.
Many dads donāt talk about how theyāre feeling because they think theyāre supposed to stay strong and hold everything together.
The good news is that more people are talking about dadsā mental health now, so more fathers are getting the help they need and deserve.
What is a cure for postnatal depression?
The first and most important step in recovering from PPD is speaking up – even if it feels hard.
Especially when it feels hard!
The harder it feels, the more you need it.
You donāt have to start by talking to a professional if that feels overwhelming.
Begin with someone you trust – your partner, a close friend, a family member, a neighbour,… anyone.
Just sharing how you feel lifts a huge weight off your shoulders.
For me, talking was the best medicine. It didnāt fix everything overnight, but it helped me start to heal.
It might feel small, but as a new mum, remember you need time to adjust.
Your life has changed completely, and itās normal that you canāt process it all at once.
Give yourself compassion and try to make things as easy as possible for yourself. (If you want some tips on building a supportive community around you, in this post.)
When youāre ready, professional help can be a vital part of your recovery – this might include therapy, counselling, or sometimes medication.
Iāll walk you through these options next.
Psychotherapy
Talking therapies (or psychological treatments) are all about helping you shift how you think and boosting your coping skills, so youāre better able to cope with new mum challenges.
Not only can they support your recovery, but they also help you stay well by spotting and changing those dark thoughts and behaviours that might hold you back.
There are plenty of different types of talking therapies that can really make a difference when youāre dealing with depression:
- Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)
- Group-based CBT
- Interpersonal therapy (IPT)
- Behavioural activation
- Psychodynamic psychotherapy
- Behavioural couples therapy ā if you have a long-term partner, and your doctor agrees that it would be useful to involve them in your treatment.
Antidepressants
These may be recommended if your depression is more severe or other treatments haven’t helped; your doctor can prescribe medicine, often along with psychological treatments.
Thereās a lot of misunderstanding and worry around antidepressants, which is understandable.
But for me, they were a game-changer.
When my postnatal depression was at its worst, I couldnāt stop crying, and getting out of bed felt impossible.
Starting medication helped me take those first small steps back to functioning.
Antidepressants didnāt āfixā everything, but they helped calm the intense feelings enough for me to start healing and engaging with other kinds of support.
If you ever feel unsure about medication, itās important to chat openly with your doctor – they can explain how it works and help you find whatās right for you.
Don’t think your questions are “too small” or silly.
This is your heath we’re talking about!
Other sources of support
-
Exercise
Exercise is a real mood booster.
Even just a quick 10-minute walk every day can make a surprising difference in how you feel.
For me, starting to go to the gym shortly after noticing signs of PPD was one of the most healing things I did.
Trust me, exercising is magical.
-
Healthy diet
Eating well when youāre struggling with postnatal depression can feel like a huge challenge, I totally get it.
But nourishing your body is one of the kindest things you can do for yourself and your recovery.
Simple, healthy meals can help support your mood and energy levels.
And if you donāt feel like cooking, just adding more fruit and vegetables into your diet can make a difference.
You donāt have to make big changes overnight – small, subtle shifts can do wonders.
-
Get out
Thereās something about fresh air, isnāt there?
Sometimes, the best therapy is just getting out of the house.
A bit of fresh air, a change of scenery, or a gentle walk can do wonders for your mood and mindset.
Even now, on days when I donāt feel great, I make myself go out (even when it’s the last thing I feel like doing)…. and it always works like magic.
-
Online forums
If getting out isnāt easy right now, online support can be a real lifeline. There are plenty of Facebook groups dedicated to postnatal depression and anxiety where you can share, ask questions, or just listen. These groups are usually closed, so what you share stays confidential and is only visible to members.
And if Facebookās not your thing, there are other online forums and communities out there too.
Just a quick search will help you find one that feels right for you.
-
Support groups
Most areas run a few support groups for people who struggle with mental health illnesses.
Try searching for āpostnatal depression support group near meā or ā[your area] PND support groupā online, and you might be surprised whatās available.
These groups can be a great way to connect with other mums who truly get what youāre going through, share experiences, and find a bit of comfort and encouragement.
-
Chat GPT
Sometimes, talking to someone face-to-face feels too hard, or you just need a little support anytime, day or night. Thatās where ChatGPT can come in.
ChatGPT is an AI chatbot that can listen, chat through your feelings, help you organise your thoughts, or even suggest helpful tips and coping strategies.
Itās not a replacement for professional help, but it can be a gentle, non-judgmental space to offload when you need it most.
You can use it anytime you want to talk, vent, or get helpful tips.
Think of it as a supportive companion in your pocket, ready to chat whenever you need a little extra encouragement or clarity.
-
Charities
There are a few wonderful charities that offer help for people who struggle with postnatal mental health. For instance:
Everything new mums need to know about postpartum depression
There you have it!
Postnatal depression can feel overwhelming, but the good news is that there are ways to pull through and feel like you again.
I know that first step feels huge.
Believe me, Iāve been there.
But that very first step is the one that sets everything else in motion.
Once you take it, the next ones come a little easier.
If you think somethingās not quite right, donāt waste time wondering if it’s PPD or not; don’t try to figure it all out alone.
Use tools like the NHS depression screening if you want, but more importantly – listen to yourself. If it feels off, it is off, and you deserve support.
Whether itās “baby blues”, postnatal depression, or just a low mood, remember: no struggle is too small when it comes to your wellbeing.
Taking action today might stop a small struggle from growing into something much bigger tomorrow.
Youāre not alone, and you will get through this!
If the situation is serious, if you are concerned or feel like you are a threat to yourself or your children, call 999 immediately!
With all my love and a gigantic hug,
Ivana xx
I share my honest PND story and how I found my way back in my book, Motherhood ā The Unspoken.Ā Click HERE to learn more.Ā
[ā¦] has their own ways to copeā¦ And what helped me the most when I suffered postnatal depression, was talking about it. Why not do the same [ā¦]
[…] started blogging about 3 years ago after I had overcome postnatal depression, with the one and only goal to help and support mums to never have to feel the way I […]
[…] As for the postnatal mental health issues, the problem is that a new mum is somewhat automatically expected to be happy. The reality is often […]