Ivana Poku We all know that postnatal depression (PPD) can affect new mums.
But what’s not talked about enough is that it can affect anyone who spends time with a baby.
I didn’t realise this either: until I saw my brother in law struggling after just two weeks of staying with our twin boys.
His experience opened my eyes to how postnatal depression isn’t limited to mothers.
And how mental health after birth can affect anyone close to a newborn.
When Helping Becomes Overwhelming
The twins were about two months old when my sister and her husband, Marek, came to stay and help us.
At first, it was great!
Even with sleepless nights, constant feeding, and endless nappy changes, we all managed to cope, and even had a little fun.
But after a few days, I noticed something worrying. Marek, who wasn’t a parent at the time, started to look overwhelmed and unusually quiet.
He explained later, “I know I wasn’t a parent and I was only helping for a short time. But it really got to me. The first few days were okay, but soon I completely lost track of time. The long nights, getting up, changing the baby, putting them back, over and over… it started to wear me down.”
Even a short time caring for a baby can be exhausting and emotionally draining.
Marek’s experience showed me that postnatal depression can affect anyone around a newborn, not just the parents themselves.
Understanding the Signs of PPD
Marek works as an interior designer and normally finds joy in visiting art galleries whenever he’s near London.
These visits usually left him inspired and full of energy.
But during his stay, a day off to visit a gallery didn’t bring the excitement it normally would.
Instead, he came back shattered and empty.
“I was really looking forward to this break. But as soon as I got there, a sudden wave of anxiety hit me. I couldn’t think clearly or sense my surroundings like I normally would. It was mentally exhausting, not physically. I’d never felt anything like it before.”
Seeing someone so energetic and joyful suddenly become a shadow of themselves made me understand how intense PPD can be.
Postnatal depression isn’t just feeling tired or stressed.
It’s a mental health condition that can affect anyone exposed to the emotional and physical pressures of newborn care.
And recognising it early is crucial.
I talk more about postnatal depression here:
- 15 Things Mums Need To Know About Postnatal Depression
- Are antenatal classes contrubuting to postnatal depression?
- My honest PPD story (and how I recovered)
Postnatal Depression Can Affect Anyone
Marek wasn’t a father at the time, he was just helping with his nephews for a short period.
But even that was enough to trigger anxiety and mental exhaustion.
This is a big lesson: anyone who spends time with a newborn can experience postnatal depression.
It’s easy to think PPD only affects new mums.
But fathers, partners, grandparents, and close friends can all feel anxiety, guilt, exhaustion, and emotional overwhelm when supporting a new parent.
Recognising Symptoms of Postnatal Depression
PND affects everyone differently, but some common signs include:
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Feeling very low or sad
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Extreme tiredness or lack of energy
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Losing interest in things you usually enjoy
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Feeling like you can’t cope
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Guilt about not coping or not loving the baby enough
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Irritability or frustration
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Crying often
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Scary or obsessive thoughts
If you notice these signs in someone you care about, take them seriously.
Talk openly about how they feel, and encourage them to get professional help if symptoms last more than two weeks or affect daily life.
My Personal Experience
Having gone through postnatal depression myself, I could see exactly what Marek was going through.
He was normally cheerful and full of energy, but suddenly withdrawn and exhausted.
His struggle reminded me of my own early days as a mum, when everything felt overwhelming and my brain would just shut down.
Marek later said, “Before this, I’d only heard dads joking about staying late at work to avoid the chaos at home. But after these two weeks, I understood how intense it really is. Even a short time with newborns is tough, I can’t imagine doing it every day as parents.”
It made me realise just how much pressure new parents are under, and how easy it is for mental health struggles to go unnoticed.
Why Talking About PPD Matters
Marek’s experience reminds us me that postnatal depression isn’t shameful or unusual.
Talking about it helps break the stigma.
Too often, fathers, partners, and other caregivers suffer in silence because people think mental health after birth only affects mothers.
But anyone close to a newborn can feel anxiety, depression, and burnout.
Sharing experiences like this hencourages understanding.
It also helps people recognise the early signs of PND and get help before it gets worse.
Supporting a Loved One with Postnatal Depression
If you notice signs of postnatal depression in someone you care about:
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Listen without judgment: Ask how they’re feeling and really listen to them without offering advice.
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Encourage breaks and rest: Even small moments of downtime help.
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Offer practical help: Cooking, cleaning, or childcare can relieve a lot of pressure.
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Suggest professional support: Therapy, counselling, or support groups can make a huge difference.
Supporting someone with PND is crucial.
Mental health struggles should never be faced alone.
Final Thoughts
Marek’s experience is a reminder that postnatal depression is not limited to mothers.
Anyone spending time with a newborn, father, partner, grandparent, or friend, can be affected.
Awareness, empathy, and honest conversations are the keys to supporting each other.
The keys to helping are awareness, empathy, and open conversation.
Your Turn: Let’s Talk
Have you ever noticed signs of postnatal depression in a loved one?
Or has someone noticed them in you?
Share your story in the comments – I’d love to hear from you.
PS. For real-life insights into the life of new parents and real life stories from first time mums, check out my book Motherhood – The Unspoken.
