How To Get Your Partner To Help With The Baby

Struggling to get your partner to help with the baby?

You’re not imagining it, and you’re definitely not alone.

It can feel like you’re doing everything on your own – just trying to keep everyone fed, happy, and alive.

Your life has changed completely since your baby arrived.

One day, you were managing your own routine, and the next day, everything revolves around nappies, feeds, and sleepless nights.

You’re exhausted. You’re sleep-deprived. You feel stressed and overwhelmed.

And when you try to get your partner involved, it can feel like talking to a wall.

You’ve tried to explain what you need.

You’ve hinted, asked, maybe even argued.

And yet, nothing seems to change. You feel lonely, unheard, and frustrated.

If this sounds like you, I want you to know, you are not alone in this.

It’s completely normal to struggle with getting your partner involved in baby care.

And the truth is, there’s no quick fix.

But the good news is, there is a fix.

And it’s easier than you think.

In this post, I’m going to share it with you.

But first, hello!

My name is Ivana, and I am the founder of MumsJourney, a blog dedicated to supporting mums through every stage of their motherhood journey. I’m also the author of Motherhood: The Unspoken and an award-winning maternal mental health advocate and mentor.

After giving birth to my twins in 2016, I experienced severe postnatal depression (PPD). It was the hardest time of my life, but it also showed me how much there is to motherhood people don’t talk about and how many mums don’t get the support they need.

Since then, I’ve made it my mission to help other mums feel heard, supported, and less alone.

In this post, I share how to:

Communicate effectively with your partner about baby care without arguments
Understand each other’s needs so parenting feels like a true team work
Encourage them to step up confidently with the baby
Build a stronger relationship while juggling the challenges of new parenthood

Please note, I’m not a communication expert.

Some of these tips are based on my work with communication specialists, but I’m mainly sharing what’s worked for my husband and me – hoping it will help other mums get their partner more involved without arguments or frustration.

Because trust me, it is worth it!

Why Your Partner Isn’t “Helping” – He’s Parenting Too

Before we jump into tips, there’s something important I want you to understand: your partner isn’t just helping with the baby – he’s parenting too.

When you say “I need you to help,” it can make it feel like a chore for him.

But if you reframe it in your mind, it’s easier to see that he’s learning his role as a parent, just like you are.

Yes, this includes night feeds, diaper changes, and all the messy bits.

It’s normal for dads to feel unsure or hesitant at first.

They may not instinctively know what you need or how to take initiative , but that doesn’t mean they don’t care or don’t want to be involved.

Remember: your partner needs time with your baby too.

This isn’t just about helping you – it’s about building his bond with the child and becoming a confident parent.

So, when you think “he’s not helping,” try to reframe it as: “He’s learning to parent, just like I am.”

This mindset shift is key because it changes how you approach conversations about baby duties – and it makes your discussions more effective.

Does Your Relationship Have a Strong Foundation? (And Why It Matters for Baby Help)

Before you start trying to get your partner more involved with the baby, it’s important to check the foundation of your relationship.

Think of your relationship like a house: if the foundation isn’t strong, it doesn’t matter how well you fix the walls—you’ll always have problems.

Ask yourself:

Do you feel loved and supported in other areas of your relationship?
Do you and your partner share the same values?
Are other aspects of your relationship generally healthy?

If the answer to any of these is “no,” it could be why getting him to help feels so hard.

In that case, the issue isn’t just about baby duties, it’s bigger than that.

You might want to consider couples counselling to strengthen your foundation before tackling parenting challenges.

But if your foundation is solid, there’s good news: getting your partner involved is much easier.

You’re not just trying to make him do tasks – you’re working as a team, building your bond as parents, and supporting each other along the way.

Sometimes, mums think their partner isn’t supportive when, in fact, he is – he’s just showing it in ways that aren’t always obvious.

That’s why understanding each other and communicating clearly is key.

1. The Secret to Effective Communication With Your Partner About Baby Duties

Many times, women vent to their friends or family instead of talking to the person who really matters – their partner.

That’s why talking to him directly is crucial!

But…

I’m not talking about conversations during arguments.

Arguments help release emotions, but they don’t solve the problem.

Real solutions come from calm conversations after everyone’s emotions have settled.

Effective communication is a skill.

Once you master it, there’s almost no problem you can’t handle.

If you want to learn how to communicate so your partner understands you – and helps with the baby – keep reading!

2. Why Avoiding Attacks and Judgement Gets Your Partner on Board Faster

The number one rule is to express your feelings and ask for what you need without judging or attacking.

When we attack someone, they automatically go into defensive mode – and so do we.

These conversations, therefore, don’t lead anywhere.

The same goes for judging.

You might think, “I don’t judge!”

But we all do, often without realising it.

For example:

Saying “You have nice shoes” is judging.
Saying “I like your shoes” is expressing an opinion.

Other examples of judging include:

“You never listen to me!”
“You don’t understand!”
“You don’t help out!”
“You’re always busy!”
“You’re always away!”

If you want your partner to actually help with the baby, talk about how their actions (or inactions) make you feel, and and suggest a solution.

It can be hard to avoid attacking or judging when frustrated, but it’s crucial to stay calm and constructive.

Instead of saying:

“You never help me,”

try:

“When you aren’t helping, it makes me feel overwhelmed/lonely/stressed. I’d like you to ________.”

This approach prevents defensiveness and opens the door for meaningful conversation and real solutions.

Related posts:

3. How Listening Can Transform Your Partner’s Involvement With the Baby

During arguments, it’s easy to talk a lot, but rarely do we really listen.

When your partner speaks, it’s common to just wait for your turn to respond.

But if you want him to understand you, you need to understand him first.

Try this: quiet your inner chatter.

Let him speak.

Really think about what he’s saying before responding.

When you listen without judging or attacking, you often notice connections or details you’ve missed before.

This is how you can start to truly understand his actions and encourage him to step up more confidently.

4. How to Find and Agree on Baby Care Solutions Together as a Team

The goal of your conversation is simple: find a solution that works for both of you.

Start by sharing your solution.
Ask for his opinion.
Work together to find the best approach.

Don’t settle for anything you’re not happy with.

Sometimes, it may take a few conversations, or even a week, to reach an agreement.

That’s okay!

Remember: you need help just as much as your partner needs to be involved – for you, for the baby, and for him.

Finding a solution is non-negotiable.

5. Why Patience Is Key When Getting Your Partner to Step Up With the Baby

Change doesn’t happen overnight.

Sometimes you’ll need to explain things more than once, and that’s completely normal.

If helping with the baby doesn’t come naturally to him, you can’t expect him to get it immediately.

Patience and persistence are key.

Keep explaining from different angles. Stay calm. Celebrate small wins.

If you’ve tried everything and still feel stuck, don’t be afraid to seek professional help.

There’s no shame in asking for supportm just like you wouldn’t ignore a toothache, don’t ignore relationship challenges.

If you want guidance, I highly recommend Dr. Melissa Cancel, a specialist in couple communication.

I don’t earn a commission; I just genuinely admire her work and know it works.

Practical Tools to Encourage Teamwork Between New Parents

To take this all a step fruther, while communication and relationship foundation are the heart of making change, having tools that support collaboration and understanding can make a real difference.

Here are some ideas to help your partner feel engaged, and you feel supported:

The Baby Owner’s Manual
A humorous yet genuinely helpful guide that breaks down baby care in a way partners often find refreshing. It’s light, engaging, and gets him feeling confident in his new role.

We’re Parents! The New Dad Book for Baby’s First Year
Tailored specifically for new dads, this practical manual offers clear advice on sleep routines, feeding, diaper changes, and more. Great for empowering him to take initiative.

Shared Family Planner or Dry‑Erase Board
Setting up a visible planner where both of you track feeds, sleep times, and baby tasks can help everyone feel on the same page—literally. It also takes the emotional guesswork out of who’s doing what.

Couples’ Communication Cards
These tools can be a gentle way to express feelings and needs, especially when words feel stuck. Use them for short check-ins—no pressure, just connection.

If all else fails? Try How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids
This one’s raw, funny, and real – it can spark honest and healing conversations without feeling preachy.

These tools work because they empower your partner to step in with confidence. Instead of feeling like he’s just “helping out,” he can take real ownership over parts of parenting, which builds his confidence and strengthens your bond as a team.

They also create structure and open the door to honest conversations. When you’re both tired or overwhelmed, it’s easy for things to get tense. Having shared tools takes some of that weight off and keeps communication flowing—even on the hard days.