Ivana Poku You’re expecting his baby… and you can’t stand him.
Maybe not all the time (though it’s fine if you do!), but there are moments when you snap at him for wearing socks that are “too red.”
You can’t help it but you feel unseen (even when he’s trying).
You know he hasn’t done anything wrong, yet somehow it feels like he has.
Everything he does gets on your nerves.
The way he breathes, the way he eats, the way he shows you love…
I get it.
I truly do.
In my first trimester with the twins, I resented my husband, Yaw, with passion.
Mind you, we had only been dating for a few weeks at the time, so we were still in that stage where a couple is getting to know each other.
And anything he did would irritate me.
I felt bad about how grumpy and irritable I was, but I just couldn’t help how I felt.
If you’ve ever googled ‘is it normal to hate your husband during pregnancy’ at 2am – welcome, you’re in the right place.
And honestly, one of the biggest shocks for me was how emotionally unprepared I felt for both pregnancy and motherhood afterwards.
There were so many feelings, thoughts, and struggles nobody warns me about beforehand – and knowing them earlier would’ve saved me so much guilt and anxiety.
If you want to discover more unspoken truths and discover what to expect after the baby arrives, make sure to grab my FREE pdf with 9 truths about motherhood people don’t talk about.
If this is your first pregnancy, make sure to also check out my full first pregnancy guide. It will help you understand what’s normal (and what’s not) and what to expect in these early stages.
In this post, I’ll share why you can’t stand your husband right now, and what actually helps make him a little less… irritating.
Let’s dive in!
Why you hate your husband during pregnancy: the real reasons
Let’s be honest – pregnancy is basically a full time job.
Well, actually more like a 24/7 job.
You’re growing a human and I think many of us don’t fully realise what it actually means.
That it’s a BIG deal.
Your hormones (and your whole system) are running wild, and your emotions are running the show.
So when your husband loudly chews his cereal, forgets to close the cupboard, or breathes a little too close to you – it’s not really him you’re mad at.
It’s everything happening inside you.
Does it make sense?
Let’s break it down a bit.
Here’s what’s really going on:
1. Hormones are the puppet masters
Pregnancy hormones are not just responsible for morning sickness and sore boobs.
They also mess with your mood, big time!
People often connect hormones to physical impact, but your feelings and emotions are impacted just as much.
One minute you’re fine, the next you’re crying because he bought the wrong pasta.
This doesn’t say anything about your as a person.
You’re not crazy.
And you’re not bitch.
You’re just… pregnant.
See also my posts:
- Pregnancy rage: why everything suddenly annoys you (and what helps)
- Pregnancy anxiety: what’s normal and when to get support
- Is Prenatal Depression a Thing? The Truth No One Talks About
2. You’re exhausted
You’re growing a human and it takes more energy than running a marathon (literally!).
So when you’re tired, uncomfortable, or haven’t had a proper night’s sleep in days, even a sweet “Are you okay?” can push you over the edge.
3. You feel unseen lonely (even when he’s there)
Sometimes it’s not about what he’s doing, but what he isn’t.
He can’t possibly understand what your body is going through, and that can make you feel alone.
And loneliness is a horrible place to be.
You can feel lonely even if your partner is right there beside you.
I actually have another free guide with proven tips on how to cope with loneliness in pregnancy. You can grab it here for FREE.
4. Your brain is protecting you
This one’s interesting.
Some psychologists say that the irritability we feel toward our partners in pregnancy is nature’s way of helping us become more protective and independent before the baby arrives.
Your brain becomes super focused on keeping you and your baby safe.
That means you notice everything: sounds, smells, mess, people’s moods.
And sometimes, even little things your husband does can feel like a big deal.
He leaves his socks on the floor? Your brain goes, “That’s not safe! Too much chaos!”
He forgets to bring you the snack you asked for? “How can I trust him to remember the baby’s stuff?!”
It’s not really about the socks or the snack. (told you you’re not crazy!)
It’s your brain trying to keep things calm and under control.
It’s protecting you, even if it doesn’t always make sense.
In other words – you’re turning into a mum, and your brain is already getting ready to take care of your baby.
5. Your mind is full of worries and millions of questions
As a first time mum especially, you’re standing at the gate of a big Unknown.
It’s a huge uncertainty, and your mind is full of questions:
-
Will I cope with labour?
-
What if the baby cries all night?
-
What if I don’t know what to do?
All of these “what ifs” trigger tension and make small annoyances feel huge.
Your husband becomes an easy target – not because he’s doing anything wrong, but because your brain is trying to process all the unknowns at once.
You might also like:
- Pregnancy Is Not A Magical Time: Honest Truths for First-Time Mums
- Relationship after kids (and during pregnancy): Expert shares her tips to feel close again
How to stop hating your husband during pregnancy
Now, let’s talk about how to deal with all those wild emotions.
Believe it or not, you’ve already done the first step.
Understanding and acknowledging your emotions with kindness puts you back in control.
1. Talk openly to your husband
They say communication is key, and it’s true!
Even though it sounds obvious, many mums don’t talk to their partner about how they really feel.
We assume they just know… or we expect them to read our minds.
That’s a big mistake. It only leads to a lot of frustration – and more snapping.
So talk to him.
If you snapped, explain why.
Not right away while you’re still upset, but later, when you’re calm.
Tell him gently what’s going on inside you, and what might help you next time. (without blaming or judging!)
It’ll make things so much smoother when you both understand each other.
Honestly, this is the most important step of all.
I know it can be hard to talk calmly when your emotions are all over the place, but it’s the most important thing you need to do right now.
If you find it hard to say what’s on your mind, my prewritten messages can help. You just pick the message that matches what you want to say and send it to your partner. It’s a simple way to speak up without saying a word.
You could even start a little evening ritual: before bed, spend a few minutes talking about your day.
What went well? What didn’t? What can you both do differently tomorrow?
I go deeper into how to keep your relationship strong after kids – and in pregnancy too – in the post Relationship after kids: Expert tips to feel close again.
2. Feel your emotions
Here’s the truth: if you try to fight your emotions, they only get stronger.
Snapping is often just a result of built up emotions.
They need a way out, but they can come out in a healthy way.
If they don’t, that’s when you snap.
So how do you release them in a healthy way?
Close your eyes and feel what’s there.
Notice where in your body you feel it.
Don’t push it away. Don’t judge it.
Just feel it. Let it be there.
Just watch it, like an observer, without getting pulled in.
You’ll be amazed how much lighter you’ll feel when you stop fighting your emotions and just let them pass through.
3. Step back from your emotions
Once you’ve allowed yourself to feel them, remind yourself: “This isn’t me, it’s just my pregnancy hormones.”
Or say something like: “This is temporary. I’m okay. My brain and body are just working hard right now.”
This helps you separate who you are from what you feel.
It’s not your fault.
It’s just part of the wild pregnancy ride.
4. Talk to your emotions
Talk to your emotions like you would to a friend.
(I know it sounds weird, but trust me on this one.)
For example: “This isn’t me. I’m not crazy, I’m just pregnant. My feelings are valid. This is only temporary. My husband is amazing, and he knows I love him. Everything is okay. I’m safe.”
It will feel silly at first, but it works like magic.
It calms your mind, releases tension, and reminds you that you’re in control.
5. Use calming affirmations
Affirmations are incredibly powerful.
I don’t mean the kind that make you feel like you’re lying to yourself.
I mean the kind that speak straight to your heart and help calm your mind instantly when emotions start taking over.
If you’d like a little extra support, download my 19 calming pregnancy affirmations.
You can read them in the morning, during tough moments, or anytime you need a reminder that what you’re feeling is normal – and that everything will be okay.
Remember, you and your husband are on the same team
Pregnancy can make you feel like you’re losing control of your mind and body.
But here’s the thing: you’re not losing it.
You’re adjusting.
Your body and brain are doing something absolutely incredible, growing a new life.
That takes a lot out of you, and it’s no wonder you sometimes feel like snapping at the closest human in sight.
If you truly comprehend it that you are growing a human, you can’t ever feel bad about feeling anything!
So please be gentle with yourself.
You’re allowed to feel all of it: the love, the irritation, the fear, the tears.
None of it makes you a bad partner or a bad mum.
It just makes you a mum.
And remember, your husband is learning too.
You’re both figuring out how to be parents.
The more you talk, the more you understand each other.
And the more you understand each other, the more calm and love you create!
Final word
There you go!
As a new mum, it’s completely normal (and expected) to feel “all over the place.”
Remember, it’s all part of the process.
Your body and brain are doing something huge, and your emotions are just adjusting.
You won’t feel like this forever.
Your next read:
- 6 Weeks Pregnant: Symptoms, Survival Tips and Things Nobody Tells You
-
I Read All the Pregnancy Books — Motherhood Still Shocked Me (Here’s Why)
- Baby Essentials You ACTUALLY Need (A Stress-Free Guide for the First 3 Months)
Before you go…
If pregnancy has felt more emotional, confusing, or overwhelming than you expected, I just want you to know this:
There’s nothing wrong with you. What you are feeling is normal and more common than you think. People just don’t talk about it.
I talk about it more in my post Why your partner makes you feel lonely in pregnancy (and how to cope)/
If you want to discover more honest truths people don’t talk about, download my free PDF with 9 Honest Truths About Motherhood Nobody Talks About.
Inside, I share the realities I really wish someone had told me before I became a mum – things like why you might not bond instantly, why loneliness can show up even when people are around you, and why not enjoying every moment is totally normal (and even expected).
If you’d like to feel more prepared and a lot less alone, you can download it free here.
FAQs
1. Why am I so snappy and irritable during pregnancy?
Hormonal changes, sleep deprivation, morning sickness, and the stress of preparing for a big life change can make even small frustrations feel huge. You’re not a “bad wife”, your body and mind are just under a lot of pressure right now.
2. Why do I have an aversion to my husband during pregnancy?
Pregnancy aversion to your partner is extremely common and has nothing to do with how much you love him. Heightened senses, hormonal changes, and your brain’s protective instinct can all make you feel irritated or repelled by him – especially in the first trimester. It’s temporary though, I promise.
3. Why does my husband make me feel alone during pregnancy?
No matter how loving he is, your husband simply cannot fully understand what your body and mind are going through – and that gap can feel like loneliness. Tell him exactly how you feel and what you need. Most partners genuinely want to help but just don’t know how until you tell them.
