Ivana Poku You’re expecting his baby… and you can’t stand him.
Maybe not all the time (though it’s fine if you do!), but there are moments when you snap at him for wearing socks that are too red.
You can’t help it but you feel unseen (even when he’s trying).
You know he hasn’t done anything wrong, yet somehow it feels like he has.
Everything he does gets on your nerves.
The way he breathes, the way he eats, the way he shows you love…
I get it.
I truly do.
In my first trimester with the twins, I resented my husband, Yaw, with passion.
Mind you, we had only been dating for a few weeks at the time, so we were still in that stage where a couple is getting to know each other.
And anything he did would irritate me.
I felt bad about how grumpy and irritable I was, but I just couldn’t help how I felt.
If you’ve ever googled ‘is it normal to hate your husband during pregnancy’ – welcome, you’re in the right place.
If this is your first pregnancy, make sure to also check out my full first pregnancy guide. It will help you understand what’s normal (and what’s not) and what to expect in these early stages.
In this post, I’ll share why you can’t stand your husband right now, and what actually helps make him a little less… irritating.
Before we dive in, I want to say something important:
If you’re reading this and worrying, “What if this means something is wrong with my relationship?” – please take a deep breath.
It really doesn’t.
Pregnancy can bring up emotions and challenges that nobody really prepares you for.
Honestly, I wish someone had sat me down before becoming a mum and explained that protecting your relationship is just as important as preparing the nursery.
Because everyone tells you about baby clothes, hospital bags, and birth plans…
But hardly anyone talks about what happens between two people when they suddenly become parents.
And boy is it nothing like we have imagined, is it?
You’re “only” pregnant, and you already can’t stand him.
But the truth also is, when you are not careful and don’t look after your relationship now more than ever, it can become a problem later.
If you want to know what helped my husband and me feel like a team during pregnancy and after our babies arrived, we both share our advice in the FREE mini course Feel Supported By Each Other.
This post contains affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. Every commission helps me continue creating resources and support for mums.
Why you hate your husband during pregnancy: the real reasons
Let’s be honest – pregnancy is basically a full time job.
Well, actually more like a 24/7 job.
You’re growing a human and I think many of us don’t fully realise what it actually means.
That it’s a BIG deal.
Your hormones (and your whole system) are running wild, and your emotions are running the show.
So when your husband loudly chews his cereal, forgets to close the cupboard, or breathes a little too close to you – it’s not really him you’re mad at.
It’s everything happening inside you.
Does it make sense?
Let’s break it down a bit and take a look at what’s really going on.
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Why Your Husband Makes You Feel Alone During Pregnancy (And How to Cope)
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Pregnancy rage: why everything suddenly annoys you (and what helps)
- Is Prenatal Depression a Thing? The Truth No One Talks About
1. Hormones are the puppet masters
Pregnancy hormones are not just responsible for morning sickness and sore boobs.
They also mess with your mood, big time!
People often connect hormones to physical impact, but your feelings and emotions are impacted just as much.
One minute you’re fine, the next you’re crying because he bought the wrong pasta.
This doesn’t say anything about your as a person.
You’re not crazy.
And you’re not bitch.
You’re just… pregnant.
2. You feel unseen and lonely (even when he’s there)
Sometimes it’s not about what he’s doing, but what he isn’t.
He can’t possibly understand what your body is going through, and that can make you feel alone.
And loneliness is a horrible place to be.
You can feel lonely even if your partner is right there beside you.
Because after becoming a mum myself, I realised something nobody had warned me about:
A baby doesn’t just change your schedule, it changes your relationship too.
It changes the way you communicate, support each other, handle stress, feel loved, and much more.
While antenatal classes prepare you for birth, they don’t teach you how to navigate your relationship as you become parents.
As a result, many couples struggle during pregnancy and after birth, and more often than not, they drift apart.
It doesn’t happen overnight.
It starts small: you’re too tired to talk, too drained to be intimate, too busy just surviving each day…
And before you know it, you’re living side by side, but feeling more like housemates than partners.
My husband Yaw and I have a very strong relationship, but this stage still shook us.
If you’re not sure how to communicate what you need right now, my husband and I share our advice -— his as a dad, mine as a mum – in the Feel Supported By Each Other mini course.
We talk about how to avoid common mistakes, and how to stay strong as a couple now – and for years to come.
3. Your brain is protecting you
This one is interesting.
Some psychologists say that the irritability we feel toward our partners in pregnancy is nature’s way of helping us become more protective and independent before the baby arrives.
Your brain becomes super focused on keeping you and your baby safe.
That means you notice everything: sounds, smells, mess, people’s moods.
And sometimes, even little things your husband does can feel like a big deal.
He leaves his socks on the floor? Your brain goes, “That’s not safe! Too much chaos!”
He forgets to bring you the snack you asked for? “How can I trust him to remember the baby’s stuff?!”
It’s not really about the socks or the snack. (told you you’re not crazy!)
It’s your brain trying to keep things calm and under control.
It’s protecting you, even if it doesn’t always make sense.
In other words – you’re turning into a mum, and your brain is already getting ready to take care of your baby.
One thing that can help you immensely right now is getting your thoughts out of your head.
Sometimes your brain just needs somewhere to put all those worries, emotions, fears, and random thoughts before they start spiralling (and before you find yourself getting annoyed at your husband for simply existing!).
A pregnancy journal is one of the most beautiful ways to do this.
It gives you a safe space to write down what you’re feeling, document your pregnancy journey, and capture all those little moments you might otherwise forget.
And honestly, I wish I had done this.
I never kept a pregnancy journal during my pregnancy with the twins, and it’s one of my biggest regrets. Looking back now, I would absolutely LOVE to read what I was thinking, feeling, and experiencing during those months before becoming a mum.
4. Your mind is full of worries and millions of questions
As a first time mum especially, you’re standing at the gate of a big Unknown.
It’s a huge uncertainty, and your mind is full of questions:
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Will I cope with labour?
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What if the baby cries all night?
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What if I don’t know what to do?
All of these “what ifs” trigger tension and make small annoyances feel huge.
Your husband becomes an easy target – not because he’s doing anything wrong, but because your brain is trying to process all the unknowns at once.
You may also like:
- Pregnancy Is Not A Magical Time: Honest Truths for First-Time Mums
- Relationship after kids (and during pregnancy): Expert shares her tips to feel close again
How to stop hating your husband during pregnancy
Now, let’s talk about how to deal with all the wild emotions.
Believe it or not, you’ve already done the first step.
Understanding and acknowledging your emotions with kindness puts you back in control.
1. Talk openly to your husband
They say communication is key, and it’s true!
Even though it sounds obvious, many mums don’t talk to their partner about how they really feel.
We assume they just know… or we expect them to read our minds.
That’s a big mistake. It only leads to a lot of frustration – and more snapping.
So talk to him.
If you snapped, explain why.
Not right away while you’re still upset, but later, when you’re calm.
Tell him gently what’s going on inside you, and what might help you next time. (without blaming or judging!)
It’ll make things so much smoother when you both understand each other.
Honestly, this is the most important step of all.
I know it can be hard to speak up when your emotions are all over the place, but it’s the most important thing you need to do right now.
2. Feel your emotions
Here’s the truth: if you try to fight your emotions, they only get stronger.
Snapping is often just a result of built up emotions.
They need a way out, but they can come out in a healthy way.
If they don’t, that’s when you snap.
So how do you release them in a healthy way?
Close your eyes and feel what’s there.
Notice where in your body you feel it.
Don’t push it away. Don’t judge it.
Just feel it. Let it be there.
Just watch it, like an observer, without getting pulled in.
You’ll be amazed how much lighter you’ll feel when you stop fighting your emotions and just let them pass through.
3. Step back from your emotions
Once you’ve allowed yourself to feel them, remind yourself: “This isn’t me, it’s just my pregnancy hormones.”
Or say something like: “This is temporary. I’m okay. My brain and body are just working hard right now.”
This helps you separate who you are from what you feel.
It’s not your fault.
It’s just part of the wild pregnancy ride.
4. Talk to your emotions
Talk to your emotions like you would to a friend.
(I know it sounds weird, but trust me on this one.)
For example: “This isn’t me. I’m not crazy, I’m just pregnant. My feelings are valid. This is only temporary. My husband is amazing, and he knows I love him. Everything is okay. I’m safe.”
It will feel silly at first, but it works like magic.
It calms your mind, releases tension, and reminds you that you’re in control.
Remember, you and your husband are on the same team
Pregnancy can make you feel like you’re losing control of your mind and body.
But here’s the thing: you’re not losing it.
You’re adjusting.
Your body and brain are doing something absolutely incredible, growing a new life.
That takes a lot out of you, and it’s no wonder you sometimes feel like snapping at the closest human in sight.
If you truly comprehend it that you are growing a human, you can’t ever feel bad about feeling anything!
So please be gentle with yourself.
You’re allowed to feel all of it: the love, the irritation, the fear, the tears.
None of it makes you a bad partner or a bad mum.
It just makes you a mum.
And remember, your husband is learning too.
You’re both figuring out how to be parents.
The more you talk, the more you understand each other.
And the more you understand each other, the more calm and love you create!
If you want more tips on how to stay close during pregnancy and after the baby arrives, check out my post Relationship after kids: Expert tips to feel close again.
One thing I wish more couples (including my husband and I) did during pregnancy is prepare emotionally for the baby’s arrival together, not just practically.
Most future parents spend so much time choosing baby clothes, researching buggies, and getting everything ready for the baby.
But there’s one important thing many couples forget to prepare for: their relationship.
Believe me when I say that even the strongest couples find themselves feeling distant, frustrated, or like they’re no longer on the same team.
If you still haven’t grabbed my free mini course Feel Supported By Each Other, now’s a good moment, lovely. Grab it here for FREE.
Final word
There you go!
As a new mum, it’s completely normal (and expected) to feel all over the place.
Remember, it’s all part of the process.
Your body and brain are doing something huge, and your emotions are just adjusting.
You won’t feel like this forever, I promise!
Your next read:
- 6 Weeks Pregnant: Symptoms, Survival Tips and Things Nobody Tells You
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I Read All the Pregnancy Books — Motherhood Still Shocked Me (Here’s Why)
- Baby Essentials You ACTUALLY Need (A Stress-Free Guide for the First 3 Months)
FAQs
1. Why am I so snappy and irritable during pregnancy?
Hormonal changes, sleep deprivation, morning sickness, and the stress of preparing for a big life change can make even small frustrations feel huge. You’re not a “bad wife”, your body and mind are just under a lot of pressure right now.
2. Why do I have an aversion to my husband during pregnancy?
Pregnancy aversion to your partner is extremely common and has nothing to do with how much you love him. Heightened senses, hormonal changes, and your brain’s protective instinct can all make you feel irritated or repelled by him – especially in the first trimester. It’s temporary though, I promise.
3. Why does my husband make me feel alone during pregnancy?
No matter how loving he is, your husband simply cannot fully understand what your body and mind are going through – and that gap can feel like loneliness. Tell him exactly how you feel and what you need. Most partners genuinely want to help but just don’t know how until you tell them.
