How to Embrace Motherhood With a Toddler (Even On Hard Days)

Last Updated on October 30, 2026 by Ivana Poku

Hey, lovely lady!

I’m Ivana – a mum of three boys (including twins) and author of Motherhood – The Unspoken, on a mission to create a world where mums feel seen and supported.

Do you ever catch yourself just getting through the day with your toddler?

You know the drill: breakfast, nappies, park, tantrum, dinner, bath, bed.

And once they’re finally asleep, you scroll through photos of them on your phone and wonder where the day (and years) went?

I get it, my lovely.

So many mums come out of the baby stage still stuck in survival mode. We got so used to just coping that we forgot we’re allowed to enjoy motherhood with a toddler.

Then someone tells you “it doesn’t get easier,” and it’s easy to believe that!

But the truth is, it can do.

And in this post, I will show you how – without needing a “perfect” toddler or being a “perfect” mum.

Ready?

Here goes.

Table of Contents

You Survived the Baby Stage – Now What?

Let’s be honest, the baby stage is a massive shock to the system.

Your body and mind go through a lot, and your whole life turns upside down.

One day, your life is one way. The next, you’re holding a crying baby who is basically a stranger and depends on you for everything.

It can feel like someone locked you in a room with a dinosaur and expected you to get on with it like it’s the most natural thing.

When my twins were babies, I couldn’t understand how other mums could say it was “all worth it”.

I used to think: What could possibly be worth this?

Those first months were the hardest time of my life. And today I know that this is the case for many, many mums.

So when you finally come out the other side, it kind of makes sense that you’re still in survival mode.

Your body learned to brace for the next feed, the next cry, the next sleepless night…

But your baby isn’t a baby anymore, and this stage invites you to stop surviving and start living motherhood.

Why It Feels Harder and Easier at the Same Time

I won’t pretend toddlers are a walk in the park. If only!

My boys got heavier, stronger, and way more opinionated than they were as babies:

Watching them got harder
Nappy changes resembled wrestling matches
Keeping them still was virtually impossible
Getting out of the house took forever
Dressing them felt like dressing two fish on land

And yet, it felt so much easier!

Here’s why:

With a baby, the hard part is inside you.

It’s the shock, the exhaustion, adjusting to your new life, the grief, or the feeling that you have no idea what you’re doing.

Toddlers are different.

The hard part is mostly outside you. It’s the mess, the tantrums, or the sprint towards the road.

Outside problems are exhausting, but they don’t shake you to your core the way those early weeks did.

And that frees up space to laugh, to play, and to actually enjoy your child.

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How to Embrace Motherhood With a Toddler

Here are a few things that helped me go from coping to really enjoying life with my toddlers:

1. Stop waiting for it to get easier

This was a big one for me.

For months, I kept thinking: Once they sleep better, I’ll enjoy it. Once they stop throwing food, I’ll relax.

But things never get objectively easy. So if you wait for your conditions to change to enjoy the now, you’ll be waiting forever.

Toddlers are messy, loud, and unpredictable. It’s not a phase to get through – it’s just who they are right now.

Once you stop waiting for the future that never comes, you will see more joy and beauty in what is now.

2. Remember you’ve survived worse things

This one is my favourite.

Whenever I feel like I can’t cope, I remind myself I already survived the hardest part.

And so did you! So you’ll definitely survive this stage too.

I know that the baby stage might seem like a distant memory right now, but it really was much harder than it may seem now.

3. Your children want to see you happy

The more you try to do it all and be “perfect”, the worse everything becomes.

What your child needs the most is a happy and relaxed mum.

They don’t need every day to be magical.

Just remember the most amazing moments from your childhood. What were they?

For me, it was when my parents were laughing, or when we had fun together. Those are the memories I cherish the most.

I don’t remember “perfect” holidays or expensive gifts. I know they made me happy in the moment, but it was always short-lived.

You were probably the same, and so are your children.

The most magical moments are the ones when you have fun with them, or when they feel safe and seen. It can even be when you cuddle up watching TV.

4. Bring yourself back into the picture

Embracing motherhood doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself in it.

Quite the opposite! Those two can’t co-exist.

In other words – you can’t enjoy it if you lose yourself in it.

Motherhood is an extension of you, not a replacement.

Think back to the things you loved or dreamed of before you had children.

What were they?

Music? Reading? Dancing? Seeing friends?

That part of you is still there and won’t go away anytime soon (if ever).

You may feel you don’t have time for these things anymore, but I beg to differ. If you have 10 minutes a day, use those 10 minutes doing something that lights up your heart.

There’s absolutely no reason to feel guilty about it. You’re not taking anything away from your children; you’re actually giving them more this way.

You’re giving them a happier mum.

Remember what we said in the previous point about the importance of you being happy?

5. Accept this stage and what comes with it

Your toddler will:

draw on the sofa or wall
put their clothes in the bin
spread Sudocrem all over their body

You can cry about it (and some days you will, that’s okay!), or you can accept it as a natural part of this stage.

And always remind yourself it will pass one day.

Honestly, some of my favourite memories with my boys are the moments that drove me insane at the time.

We laugh at those stories even years later.

7. Don’t enjoy every minute

Some people tell you to enjoy every minute, but that’s literally impossible.

And if you try to, you’re only setting yourself up for failure – and, as a result, you become a less happy mum (and we’re back at point 3 again).

So don’t aim to enjoy every minute. Instead, accept that:

you’ll hate some moments

that’s okay and really common

no one enjoys everything about anything

It takes a HUGE amount of pressure off.

Some days you will feel touched out and frustrated, and you’ll be counting down to bedtime.

That doesn’t cancel out all the good.

A hard day doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a mum or that your children deserve better, as many mums tell themselves.

A bad mum day is just an ordinary bad day.

Nothing more and nothing less.

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How Your Love Changes Everything

Before I had children, I thought my priorities would change the moment I saw my baby.

But that’s not how it works.

Your priorities change slowly, growing alongside the love you feel for your child.

By the time your little one is a toddler, you can’t imagine your life without them.

When my twins turned two, I was beyond exhausted yet much more at peace than when they were babies.

Not because they stopped challenging me, but because my bond with them had grown and settled.

We’d:

gotten to know each other better

laughed together

made so many memories

They were also teaching me something new about myself (and life) every single day.

(And, thank goodness, they were finally sleeping through the night!)

Think back to when you first fell in love.

It felt like nothing was impossible, right?

Once you settle into life with your toddler, being a mum can feel just like that.

Actually, no – it’s much better than that!

Final Word

The toddler stage can be hard, but it’s also so much more fun!

You don’t only give anymore; you are also starting to get something back.

And there’s still soooo much to look forward to!

So if things feel hard right now, remember that very soon, it will all be just a distant memory.

In the meantime, here are a few things that can help you embrace motherhood with your toddler right now:

Stop waiting for it to get easier and enjoy the good moments now.
Remember you’ve already survived the baby stage, so you’ll survive this one too.
Your children need a happy mum, not a perfect one.
Make time for the things that make you feel like you.
Accept this stage, mess and all (and laugh when you can).
Don’t try to enjoy every minute – a bad day is just a bad day.

Of course, you don’t need to do them all at once.

See this list as inspiration, not a manual to follow.

And if you have any questions, drop them in the comments! I respond to every single one.

Your next read:

Ivana Poku

PhDr. Ivana Poku is the author of Motherhood – The Unspoken, an award-winning blogger and maternal mental health advocate. Through her work, she is on a mission to create a world where mums feel seen, heard and supported. Ivana is also a mum of three boys, including twins, and lives with her family in a small coastal town in Scotland.

How to Embrace Motherhood With a Toddler (Even on the Hard Days)

You Survived the Baby Stage – Now What?

Why It Feels Harder and Easier at the Same Time